Page 15 of Various Intentions
“Juno”—I thumbed at the door again—“that extraordinary young man came all the way to get me because he was worried you were going to hurt yourself, and he didn’t understand why you were mad at him. I’m pretty sure all he wants is some reassurance.”
Juno put their face in their hands. “Oh, Nic. I keep fucking everything up.”
I gently extricated my hand and squeezed their knee.
“Well, this is one thing you can un-fuck right now. I’m calling Charles in, and you’re going to tell him everything you’ve told me. And I’m staying in the room to make sure you aren’t treating him like crap. You are an amazing, talented, wonderful person, Juno, but I swear sometimes your head gets stuck so far up your ass it’s positively obscene.”
“Fine. Get him.”
“Okay.” I squeezed Juno’s knee again to soften the blow of all the hard truths I was dropping and to let them know I felt for them. Then I pushed myself up as Juno stood and went to sit on the edge of the enormous bed. I opened the door and stepped out, searching the flat for Charles, who was nowhere in my sightline.
“Charles?” I called.
He emerged from another room with a dish towel and a stressed-out expression on his cherub-like face. “Yes?”
“Juno wants to talk to you.”
Charles hesitated. “I’m just doing the dishes. Probably the mess is what’s stressing them out.”
I could tell the poor guy had been traumatized by Juno’s harsh words.
I walked over to him, took the dish towel from his hand and put it on the table. Then I took both his hands in mine and met his gaze, speaking in low, intimate tones.
“Juno’s going through some severe imposter syndrome and self-doubt right now. They don’t think they deserve you, so they were intentionally being mean so you’d leave, because they thought that would be best.”
Charles seemed to be about to cry. “But I don’t want to leave.”
“Of course not. And Juno doesn’t want that, either. I’ve explained that their mind was playing tricks on them, and I’ve given them reassurance that they arenota terrible artist, and they are worthy of you still. Did you know about the Canadian Council of the Arts proposal?”
Charles blinked and frowned like a confused puppy. “Thewhat?”
“Never mind. Juno can explain. The gist of it is that they are working on a project involving you, planning to devote all their artistic energies to creating artdevotedto you, and now they don’t know how they’re going to pay the bills because a grant fell through that would have supported both of you while Juno worked on it.”
“Oh.”
“And, it’s also my fault. I’ve neglected our friendship, and I feel awful about that.”
Charles nodded. “I wondered why you never came over. Juno talks about you all the time.”
“They do?” I said, surprised.
“Yeah. And Vincent, too.”
“Oh fuck. I’m so sorry, Charles.” I ran a hand through my hair, suddenly feeling like shit. “I’ve been a bit busy but mostly self-absorbed the past little while.”
Charles nodded, as if to dismiss my apology. He didn’t seem to care about my excuses. He just wanted Juno to feel better. “Do they want to talk to me? Really?”
“Yes, they do…really.” It was Juno’s voice.
We looked over to see Juno making their way over to where we stood near the kitchen. Charles stood still as Juno approached and took his sweet face between their delicate hands. They gazed into Charles’ eyes.
“I am so sorry. Nothing can excuse my behavior toward you. I don’t even know if you can forgive—?”
“I forgive you,” Charles said, a single tear emerging from the corner of his eye and trailing across his rosy cheek.
“Oh, darling…” Juno said, their voice breaking. They came together in a tentative embrace. I averted my gaze and picked up the dish towel.
“I’ll finish drying the dishes,” I said, and left them to their reunion.
