Page 87 of Switching Skates
This certainly wasn’t how I planned on telling her.
But I can’t really take it back now.
Her spine straightens, and she blinks hard. “W-what did you say?”
Dropping my hand to the tops of her thighs, I exhale shakily. “That I love you.” But I don’t stop there. I’m like a can of wormsbeing opened after years of pent-up pressure. “That I’ve always fucking loved you. Ever since that night, I’ve regretted letting you go.”
“Mason.”
I cringe at the tone of her voice.
I cut her off from saying anything else, to save myself the pain. “Please just listen.” I take her hands in mine, baring my soul to her. “I’m so fucking sorry, Daphne. But I’m not sorry for loving you. I know that there are a lot of unanswered questions right now. I know that you’re scared too. I can feel it as much as my own fear. But I’m done running from the what-ifs.”
Tears form in her eyes, and my heart aches.
“Look, I don’t need to hear it back. I don’t need you to tell me another word this entire night.” I brush her cheeks as I cup her face. “I don’t just want your body, Daphne. I don’t want a onetime hookup. I don’t want to pretend like my heart isn’t the one calling the shots, like it hasn’t been this whole time.” I take a shaky breath and wet my lips. “I love you, and I’m serious about us. I want us to be together,reallytogether. If you want that too, then I’m yours. If you don’t … hell, I’m yours even then. But I want more. I want all of it. And I want it with you.”
Her bottom lip trembles, and a tear rolls down her cheek. I lean forward and kiss it away. Her mouth opens and closes as a thousand emotions run through her mind. I don’t blame her for not knowing what to say. Two minutes ago, I didn’t know I was going to be saying all of this either.
“I’m leaving tomorrow for that team camping trip. I’ll be back on Friday for opening night. Just …” I pause. “Take a couple of days, think about what you want. I’ll stay at the hockey house tonight and give you some space to think.”
Her lips move again, but nothing comes out.
I lean forward and kiss her forehead. “Don’t say anything, okay? Just wait until you know what you want. I’ll wait for it, Ipromise. Whatever you want, I support you. Although I might be biased.”
I smirk, and a helpless smile breaks across her lips as tears roll down her cheeks.
“Don’t cry, baby. I’m sorry I sprang that on you all at once. I should’ve waited. It just spilled out of me.”
“Don’t apologize.” She sniffles, and I wipe the tears away with my thumbs, a soft smile on her lips. “Please don’t.”
“Okay.” I exhale nervously, terrified of moving.
I don’t want to leave her, not after going down on her and dumping all my feelings on her. That wasn’t fair to her.
I couldn’t have held it together for one more night?
“I-I’m going to go to the bathroom quickly.” She pulls away from my grasp and hops off her bed, grabbing new shorts and panties before slipping out of her room without another breath.
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself, falling back to the floor and covering my face.
After a minute, I gather myself and stand up, pulling my shirt back on.
Slowly, I start pacing the room, getting more and more nervous with each second passing. Or minutes. Or hours. I don’t know, but it feels like forever.
Running my hands through my hair like a maniac, I hear the door creak open behind me. My head whips around, and she walks through, her hair brushed, and eyes dried.
“Hi.”
Oh my God, I hate myself. Hi? Out of everything you could’ve said, you went with hi?
She fights a small smile on her lips as her eyes fill with amusement. “Hi.”
Stepping toward her, I feel like I’m in a completely unknown territory with no idea how to navigate it.
“When do you leave?”
“Five a.m.” I fidget with my hands, only a few feet and a thousand miles between us.
