Page 86 of Chaos
I wanted to, but at the same time, I needed to address what had happened with Cole. My phone was buzzing over and over on my nightstand, and I knew without a doubt it was him. I couldn’t ruin things with him. He was my friend and one of my most steady sources of sustenance. I didn’t want to hurt him.
It also wouldn’t hurt to put a little bit of distance between Sin and myself. I know I told him I would explore something more with him, but now I needed to unpack what the hell that was I felt between us. More specifically, if it was real, or just another side effect of the dreamwalking. Fuck, this was such a mess. I never should have agreed to perform with him. What if I just ruined everything?
“I’m going to stay here and bask in the afterglow a little longer. You go ahead.”
“Have it your way. I’ll be in there, naked, soapy, and wet. You’re welcome to join me if you change your mind.”
A half-hearted laugh escaped me. “Tempting.”
Then the handsome horseman sauntered into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.
I grabbed my phone as soon as I could, guilt clawing at me from all sides. I was hurting them both, and perhaps worst of all, Sin didn’t even realize what I’d done.
C:
Did he force you to do this?
C:
Merri. I hate that you think sex for money is the only way you can get what you need.
C:
Please call me. Text me back. Something.
I needed to fix this. Dammit. Cole didn’t deserve for me to leave him on read, not after he had been there for me time and time again. And while I didn’t love the jealous and more than a little judgmental slant to his messages, I did understand it. That was reason enough for me to reach out to him.
Me:
I’m sorry you’re disappointed with me. This was a business decision. A very lucrative one. But I am sorry that it hurt you. That was never my intention.
I hit send, my stomach twisting uncomfortably. The live was an absolute success. I should be celebrating. Or at least enjoying the feeling of being fully sated. Instead, I was miserable.
C:
So giving your body to him is just a business transaction? You didn’t even use protection.
Resentment fueled by anger sparked to life at his words. My fingers flew across the screen before I fully registered my response.
Me:
You sure are assuming a lot of things right now. Both about me, and about your place in my life.
Me:
It was a mistake to give you my number. It blurred the lines.
I tossed the phone away from me, my pulse racing from an onslaught of conflicting emotions. It immediately buzzed with a new message, and I couldn’t resist seeing his reply.
C:
Merri, don’t say that. We don’t have lines between us, not anymore, and you know it. I’m just worried about you. You’ve never done this before and you deserve so much more than some rock star who is going to throw you away after he gets what he wants.
C:
Please don’t ignore me. You know I’m right. You deserve love. He doesn’t love you, not if he’d share you with the world like that.
Me:
