Page 128 of Chaos
“Because we have already seen her loyalty. She’d choose staying with us over saving the world. We can’t allow that to happen.”
“How are those mutually exclusive?” I asked, for once not being able to follow the logical path he was setting.
“Because we will always be who we are. Our purpose will not change simply because we averted this apocalypse. It will still fall to us to begin another, which means we can never give her back the same. We will never be free to choose her over the destiny set before us.”
My gaze swung to Mal, who’d gone painfully quiet during Grim’s outburst. “Do you agree?”
“How can I not? We are who we are, Chaos. It is unchangeable.”
I knew that any hope Sin and I had of swaying Malice to our side was gone. Grim had made an excellent point. No matter what happened with this apocalypse, we were still the horsemen. We didn’t exist for things like love and companionship. That future was not available to us, and it never would be. Merri deserved better.
She deserved a life that had the potential to include some kind of happily ever after, not some bastardized version of whatever relationship the four of us might offer.
“Fuck,” I whispered, more upset now than I’d been before this meeting started. It had been so long since I’d known hope I’d forgotten the hole it left when it was torn away.
“I can tell you finally are starting to understand our situation,” Grim said, not unkindly.
“You know what? Don’t invite me next time,” Sin said, shoving away from the wall and striding toward the door. “I fucking hate book club.”
Chapter
Thirty-Four
MERRI
Warm beams of sunlight spilled through the window in my favorite room of the house. I was perched on the window seat with my bare toes resting on the small end table I’d commandeered while I meticulously painted each nail. I didn’t even want to think about how old that piece of furniture was, but I was certain if Malice caught me, he’d have strong opinions about what I was doing. Nothing jazzed up antique lacquered wood like a littleBastille My Heartdripped along the surface.
At the thought of Malice, my heart gave a flutter in my chest, bringing to mind everything I’d been trying so hard to forget. Not because that kiss he’d laid on me hadn’t been amazing. It had. Easily one of the top five kisses I’d experienced in my life. Okay, top three. Each one had been given to me by men in this very house.
Men I’d obviously tricked into caring about me.
Andthatwas why I couldn’t dwell on the kiss. Or Sin’s date. Or the brush of Grim’s leather-clad finger over my lips. Or the way Chaos had felt while he was inside me.
Fuck.
Perhaps I’d tricked myself into caring about them as well. The bond worked both ways, didn’t it? I’d manufactured feelings and shot myself in the foot while doing so.
I let out a frustrated breath, hating the position I’d found myself in. I wish Lilith had never told me about the bonds. Then, at least, I could pretend that there was a future for me and the men I was lusting after.
Footsteps behind me yanked me out of my pity party, and I snapped my head toward the sound. Christian stood a few feet away, a feather duster in his hand.
“Oh, mademoiselle, forgive me. I didn’t realize anyone was in here.”
“It’s no problem. I just really like the light in here. It’s perfect for painting my toenails.”
He glanced at said toes and gave an approving nod. “The color suits you.”
“Thanks. Don’t tell Mal I used his table, okay? I have a feeling he might have some issues with that.”
Christian’s lips quirked in a barely there smile. “I might know where a few replacements are stored in case of a casualty.” But then his smile faltered, and he glanced over his shoulder as if uncertain if he should stay or go. That hint of uncertainty from him raised an internal alarm.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
“I...” He gave another cursory check around the room. “Mademoiselle, forgive me if this is over the line, but there is something I need to share with you.”
“Okay,” I said, my gut churning at the seriousness in his tone. I capped the nail polish and straightened, giving the groundskeeper my full attention.
“I have been debating whether or not I should tell you this. I am and always have been loyal to Monsieur Laurent. But youhave been so kind to me, and I can see you have a gentle and loving soul. I would hate for you to be taken advantage of.”
