Page 96 of Chaos
“Because everyone should know love at least once in their life. Even though it can be the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced.”
“Sounds like I didn’t miss out on much, then.”
She cupped my cheek and brushed her thumb gently over my bottom lip. “No, you misunderstand. Just because it’s painful doesn’t mean it’s not also the most wonderful.”
“You’ve been in love,” I stated.
“Yes. Once.”
My gut twisted with jealousy. The bastard she’d loved hadn’t known how lucky he was. Although he was also very dead, so I supposed he wasn’t as fortunate as me.
“How did you know you were in love and not simply lust?”
She traced a fingertip over the ridge of my shoulder, then back to my collarbone as she thought. “Lust is all surface level. It’s physical, certainly, but it doesn’t go past that ache in your core or the anticipation in your chest. Love is... love is all-consuming. But it goes deeper than that. It’s the warmth in your heart when you see or think about the person you love. It’s that sense of release when you’re safe in their arms. It’s knowing you’d do anything to make them feel that same safety and security.” Her voice wobbled a little, and she had to clear her throat. “It’s realizing that you’re no longer the axis that your life revolves around. There’s another person in the world whose needs matter more to you than your own.”
“Motherfucker,” I whispered.
She nodded sagely. “And it’s even more wonderful when they feel the same about you.”
Why did her saying that make me wish I could experience it?
I needed to change the topic before I did something I couldn’t take back. So, I grabbed her by the nape and kissed her breathless.
“Guess we’re done with the getting-to-know-you stage of the morning,” she teased against my lips when I finally let her up for air.
“I’d like to get to know you even better, Red. Thoroughly and for a very, very long time.”
She giggled as I buried my face in her neck and bit down hard enough to leave my mark. Then I began kissing my way down her body. The way she moved under me as I rolled her on her back caused her hip to brush my already hard cock, sending evenstronger waves of arousal through me. Lust. This was lust. That was all. Even if some of the things she explained about love hit a little too close to home.
Merri was mine for the moment, not forever.
But what was the harm in pretending?
“Spread your legs for me, Merri. Let me in.”
She arched her back and whimpered as my mouth found her nipple, and I loved her in the only way I knew how. With my body.
Thighs parted, she waited for me, giving me access to her without reservation. I took my throbbing length in my hand so I could line myself up at her entrance. As I dragged the tip of my cock through her slick folds, she moaned and closed her eyes.
“Eyes on mine, Red. I want to see everything I do to you.”
She did as she was told, and as soon as our gazes locked, I slid inside her hot, slick cunt.
Heaven.
That’s the only way to describe being inside Merri. I never wanted to leave. “Gods, Merri,” I grunted.
She gasped, a panicked look flashing across her face.
I woke with a start, sweaty and alone in my bed, my cock at full attention and desperate for relief.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
It had all felt so real. So damn perfect. The thought of anything other than Merri herself helping me find release was unappealing.
With a groan, I rolled over, instinctively grabbing the pillow that I would have sworn she’d just been resting her head on. Instead of smelling her, all I scented was detergent and my own shampoo.
Disappointment hit like a wave. I could have kicked myself for being so upset by something as trivial as a dream, but thetruth was, I’d never have a chance at something so intimate with her. And fuck me, I think I actually wanted it.
