Page 36 of Outlier
This time I really did choke, so much so, that Vicky had to pat me on the back.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I said in a strangled voice. “You just might want to warn a man before you say sexual intercourse.”
“Is that a no?” Vicky sounded very disappointed.
“Jesus, Vicky, it’s not a no, but?—”
“Because you see, I have never found another man attractive in my life. And that’s twenty-nine years. Or, I guess it would be fifteen years since puberty. Of all the men I’ve ever met, imagining intimacy with them made me feel unwell. I thought there might be something wrong with me. Well, apart from all the other obvious things that are wrong with me that is. But the thought of sexual intercourse with you is…”
She broke off as her cheeks went pink.
“Well, it doesn’t make me feel unwell. It makes me feel achy, but in a good way. And to be honest, I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s actually really distracting at work, and I’m normally very focused about my work. But now, Lottie will ask me something, and I’ll realise that I’ve been thinking about the way your chest looks under your thermal top, how your weight would feel on top of me, what your body looks like in swimming shorts, and what might be underneath said swimming shorts, so much that I’ve totally lost my train of thought. The dreams at night are even worse. I’ve actually orgasmed in my sleep from just a sexual dream about you. They’re so strong, they wake me up, and Ihaven’t even touched myself—it’s just thethoughtof being with you.”
“Vicky,” I growled.
“Yes?”
“Stop talking.”
“Um… are you okay?”
Nowas the answer to that.
No, I was not okay.
I had the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, the one I’d been secretly fantasising about for months, sitting in my shirt, at my kitchen island, having slept in my bed, and now describing her sex dreams about me and how they made her feel, in an effort to coax me into touching her more.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, didn’t the woman realise that all I wanted to do was touch her?
I swallowed as I slid off the stool and took two rapid steps back from her.
She frowned, her expression hurt, and I felt awful, but if I didn’t put some distance between us, I’d be dragging her off her stool and up to my bed in under a minute.
If Vicky had never been kissed, and the thought of touching any other man had made her feel sick, then she was obviously a virgin. I wasn’t going to lose control and shag a virgin without… oh, bloody hell, I was going to have to use that word… withoutwooingher first, even if she didn’t seem to think that was necessary.
My stomach hollowed out when I replayed her words in my head.
That day at her house had been her clumsy attempt at a serious first move, and I crushed her.
“Vicky, all those things I said when I delivered your coffee table. I was wrong. I’d got you all wrong. So I’ll say it again—I’mso, sosorry, love. Do you think you can forget what I said? Can we start over?”
She frowned and tilted her head to the side. “I can remember conversations with absolute clarity, down to the smallest word and gesture. It would be impossible for me to forget. I don’t forget anything.”
I sighed. “Well, could you try to remember this? Could you try to remember what I’m going to say now? That even when I had the wrong impression of you, Istilldreamt about you for months. That the Vicky I’ve been with since last night is anything but empty or cold, and I’m fascinated by her. That I really,reallylike you. And that I want to give things a go properly with you, which should not include me throwing you over my shoulder and onto my bed before we’ve even had an actual date.”
She blinked at me for a long moment. When she spoke again, her voice was just above a whisper, as if she didn’t want to risk saying the words too loud.
“You like me?”
The way she said it was so heartbreakingly vulnerable, I had to rub my chest to ease the ache that was building there.
“Yes, love,” I said in a hoarse voice. “I like you very much.”
“Even though I’m… weird?”
I scowled and crossed my arms over my chest. “You’re not weird.”
