Page 60 of Gold Digger
She laughed then, but it wasn’t her genuine laugh; no, this one was hollow and bitter. “You have no blooming idea how important being agreeable has been to me. I’d be totally Fraggle-Rocked if I hadn’t beenagreeable.You have the privilege of being an awkward, bossy arsehole. Some of us have to tread more carefully. Even now you could chuck me and Hayley out. Your mother could turn you against me again. Your sister and brother-in-law could take Florrie away from Hayley. Out of everyone there today, Hayley and I are the only ones who won’t be invited to another family party unless we’reagreeable. I know first-hand what happens when people like me don’t blend in, when we aren’t easy. That’s why the situation with Hayley scares me so much. It’s hard to be agreeable when you won’t even speak. Maybe that’swhyshe won’t? Maybe the pressure is too much? Who the heck knows? But it’s onmeto make sure that we’re accepted, at least temporarily.”
“Fuck,” I barked out, my hand going to the back of my neck. I tried and failed to rein in my temper, but it was a losing battle. It wasn’t Lottie I was angry with, though. It was her mother who had let her and Hayley down so badly, the foster care system that had taught her to conform to what everyone else wanted her to be, and my mother for confirming all her fears about how easily we could try to cut someone like her out – but, most of all, me for being a stupid prick.
So I stalked over to her, and her eyes went wide with alarm at the look on my face, but that didn’t stop me. I’d now have to add scaring her to the list of crap I’d put her through, but there was no way I could stay away from her in that moment. She backedaway, her hand coming up to ward me off, but it was ineffectual when it came up against my chest. I simply kept coming at her until she was backed up against the door with nowhere else to go. Both her hands were flat against my chest now, prepared to push me away. I slid a hand to her jaw and then into the soft, thick caramel waves of her hair; my other hand went to her back, holding her to me and I leaned down to rest my forehead on hers.
“Ollie, I—” she breathed, her tone alarmed, but I cut her off with a soft kiss in direct contrast to how I’d just aggressively caged her in. When I pulled back, she was blinking up at me, and I knew I had a small window of stunned silence to get through to her.
“I’msofucking sorry, Lottie,” I said firmly. It was an odd apology, seeing as it was made through gritted teeth by an angry man, but it would have to do. “You’ve been let down so many times, and I’m just another fuckwit in a long line of fuckwits to do it to you again.”
“Ollie, what are you talking about? You’rehelpingHayley and me. You?—”
“I let you down when I didn’t ask why you needed the money. When I believed Mum that you were seeing another bloke?—”
“She said what?—?”
“She showed me photos of you with Hayley’s therapist. She didn’t know who he was at the time, nor did I. You were hugging him on the street.”
“Hugging Marc? But I… Oh, that was the day she spoke to him. Hayley said her first word to Marc in that session. Well, not to Marc, it was to me, but Marc was there. It was huge. I… wait, why did your mother have pictures of me and Marc?”
I winced. “She had you followed.”
“What?” Lottie tried to pull away, but I kept her in place.
“You’ve got to understand,” I said quickly. “It’s shit, but there are some real crazies out there, and Mum is super cautious. My ex-fiancée went to theDaily Mailwith all sorts of stories about me, complete with pictures from a party I’d thrown. The irony was I didn’t even want to have the party; Cordelia had pushed and pushed for it. ‘Duke of Fuckingham’ was the headline they ran with. I mean, I was a bit wild back then, but it was all hammed up. It was just after Dad died, and… Well, Cordelia didn’t mean to be found out, but our family have links with all the press. It didn’t take much digging to know who sold the story. When I confronted her, she said it was an insurance policy in case I didn’t follow through with a proposal.” I broke off and swallowed. “Well, anyway, as I said, Mum’s cautious, and she thought you were on the make.”
“Ollie,” Lottie said softly. “I’m sorry about Cordelia, really I am, but Iwason the make. Your mum offered me money, and I literally took it. That’s kind of the definition.”
“My mother went to you the day after those photos were taken. So that means that was the day after Hayley had her breakthrough. I bet Marc suggested more sessions, didn’t he?”
Lottie broke eye contact with me then, but I gave her waist a squeeze, and she dragged her gaze back to mine.
“You weren’t on the make. You were looking after your sister. My mother was the dick in this scenario, evensheadmits that. And I was a bigger dick for cutting you off.”
“Iwas the one that cutyouoff, Ollie.”
“And I was the one that didn’t even bother to fight for you. Didn’t bother to find out why you needed the money. And then the way I behaved, I—” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “There’s no bloody excuse for the way I behaved. I was hurt and angry. Pissed off that I couldn’t have you when I wanted you so badly. Pissed off that I still wanted you when I thought I shouldn’t. And I took it out on you. You know what? I sawCordelia a few weeks after all theDaily Mailstuff happened, and I just shrugged and said no hard feelings. That girl sold me out, damaged my reputation, hurt my family for way more money than Mum gave you, and I just shrugged my shoulders. But with you, I was a vindictive, cruel piece of shit.”
“Ollie, I don’t?—”
“But I didn’t feel anything for her by then. That’s the difference, Lottie. I was an arsehole, and I’m sososorry, but I wasn’t indifferent because I had fallen in love with you.”
“What?” Lottie breathed, her eyes wide with shock, her pupils dilating. “You can’t?—”
“I’m in love with you, Lottie,” I told her. “And I’ll spend forever making it up to you. I’ll spend forever proving that you can trust me. I let you downagaintoday, but that’s just because I was being an oblivious arsehole, not a vindictive one like I was before. So, you’ll just have to forgive me for that too.”
I didn’t give her a chance to reply. We’d done enough talking and it wasn’t getting us anywhere. So, I kissed her. Her lips were already parted in shock, so it didn’t take much to deepen the kiss. For a moment, she stiffened in my arms, her hands on my chest starting to exert some pressure to push me away. I pulled back slightly to kiss the corner of her mouth, then across her cheek to her ear and her neck.
“I’ve missed this,” I whispered in the shell of her ear, gently biting the soft lobe before continuing. “I thought about you constantly. Even when I told myself I hated you, I couldn’t stop thinking about you: how you felt, the sounds you made. It drove me crazy. You drive me crazy.” I rocked against her, and when I bit the soft lobe of her ear, she let out a soft moan. Her hands had stopped pushing me away. I smiled against her neck before licking her below her ear then kissing back along her jawline. “I’ve got you, Lottie,” I said softly against her mouth. “I promiseyou’re safe with me, baby. You can let go.” She blinked up at me, her pupils huge and her expression slightly dazed.
“You’re so beautiful,” she whispered, almost as though she couldn’t quite believe I was real. I smiled against her mouth.
“I think that’s my line,” I said, then kissed her again. This time she melted against me as I swallowed another of those small moans. Her hands slid from my chest up around to my back to pull me closer. She was plastered against me now, her soft breasts pressed against my chest, her breathing fast and erratic. I turned the key in the lock next to us, but she barely noticed – too involved in her pursuit of getting her hands under my shirt to feel the skin of my back. Once the door was secured, I slid one arm under her and lifted her up so she was straddling my hips and I could carry her over to the huge sofa. I laid her down on the soft cushions, smoothing her hair back from her face and kissing her softly as I let her take some of my weight, rocking into her again and eliciting more of those small noises from her parted lips. Her hands were frantic now on the buttons of my shirt.
“Ollie, please,” she said, her voice hoarse. “I need to see you. I never got toseeyou.”
I remembered last time. How she was half-dressed and vulnerable and I, arse that I was, had kept my bloody suit on. I’d thought it gentlemanly at the time, but now I could see that to her it must have looked like I had all the power and wanted to keep it that way. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake again, so I reached back and yanked off my shirt in one go.
“Cheese and rice,” she whispered reverently as her eyes roamed over the muscles of my chest and stomach. Her small hand came up to trace from my shoulder, down to my nipple and then over my pecs and onto my stomach, which flexed at her light touch. I stopped her hand when it came to my belt buckle, and when she frowned up at me, I smiled.
