Page 48 of Gold Digger
“Don’t you think I know it’s my fault?” I screamed, ripping my hand away from his. “It’s all on me! It’s always all on me!” I was shouting now, shaking my head from side to side as the tears fell in rivers down my cheeks. “Because there’sno one else. There’s nobody to catch me when I fall. No family that gives one single shit about me. No safety net. And I can’t do it all. I’m not strong enough.” My words were broken through my sobs now.
“Lottie, baby, please let me hold you,” Ollie’s voice was still soft but now edged with real concern. He was right in front of me, but I was crying so hard that I couldn’t see the expression on his face. I skirted the coffee table and continued backing away from him with my hand up to ward him off, shaking my head from side to side in jerky movements. I couldn’t let him hold me up. I couldn’t lose control. I had to rely on myself. I’d relied on myself since I was ten years old.
“I’ve let her down again and again,” I continued in that awful, broken voice. “And she shouldn’t have to go through any more. Not after what she went through already. She needs specialist counselling. Do you know how long the waiting list is for that on the NHS?”
“Listen, Lottie, let’s just take a minute to—” he was sounding panicked now, probably regretting letting this crazy, ranting lady into his home.
“Nearly two years.Two yearsof Hayley not speaking to anyone but me. I had to get her help sooner. Ihadto take that money. I had to, I had to, I had to…” I was chanting that over and over again as Ollie made it clear that he’d finally had enough of me keeping my distance. Ignoring my hand, he walked right into it, bent down and simply picked me up, cradling me to his chest. I still couldn’t see properly through my tears, but I felt him stride across the room, and I was jostled as he sat down on the sofa with me in his lap.
I knew I should be stronger. I knew better than to show this type of weakness. But the feel of his strong arms around me, the deep, soothing quality of his voice as he said words of reassurance about how “everything was going to be okay now”, the sheer bulk of his large body cocooning mine, his glorious, clean, masculine scent – all of it combined to rip a huge tear in my self-control. So, I shoved my face in his throat and let the sobs work their way free finally, my arms clutching around his neck and my body pressing into his. “I had to,” I repeated into the warm skin of his neck.
“I know, baby,” he said as he stroked my back. “It’s okay now. I’m sorry I shouted – it was frustration and hurt pride. And, of course, I can be a dick if I’m not getting my own way, as you know.” My sobs were subsiding, and I nearly managed a small smile. Nearly. “You’ve been strong for a long time, Lottie,” his voice was achingly soft now. “It’s not your fault.” I shook myhead at that as more tears flowed, no doubt soaking his shirt, but he didn’t seem to mind. “No, Lottie,” he said in a firm voice. “It’s not your fault. You did the best you could, and you were scared. Anyone would have done the same thing. But it’s enough now. Now youdohave people that care about you. You’ve got that safety net, and so does Hayley.”
“I can’t let you?—”
“Baby, I’m sorry, but it’s gone way past youlettingme do anything. As soon as you and your sister turned up at my house today, it was a done deal. You’ve both been dealt a shit hand, and life is going to be a fuck of a lot easier for you from now on. So, you didn’t lie to the police. Youaremoving in here.”
“W-what?” I pulled away from him to look up at his face, scrubbing the tears from my eyes so I could actually see him.
“You and Hayley will be moving in here.”
I blinked. “You c-can’t… I mean, we…”
“I can do whatever the fuck I want to do, Lottie.”
“But, your mother,” I whispered, biting my lip and bracing for his reaction. The woman had paid me a substantial sum to stay away from her son. I did not think me moving in with said son was really sticking to that agreement.
“I’ll deal with my mother,” Ollie snapped, that anger from before making his words hard.
“Ollie, I think we should talk about this,” I said slowly. When I tried to ease out of his arms, they only enclosed me tighter. I cleared my throat. “Maybe we should talk about this whilst I’m not being held on your lap?”
“No,” Ollie said firmly, and my eyebrows went up. His arms gave me a squeeze, and he planted a brief kiss on my lips. “You’re much more reasonable when you’re in my arms.”
“Ollie, I just had a total mental breakdown in your arms.”
“Yes, and it was the first time you’ve been really honest with me. Plus, I much prefer conversations with you like this.”
“You’re mad,” I whispered, and he smiled down at me before kissing me softly again. I was so emotionally drained and mentally exhausted that all my resistance melted away with the feel of his lips on mine, and I kissed him back. Yes, that’s right. My sister ran away and hid in this man’s house. I practically banged his door down to get to her. The police had invaded his home to question us, and now he was holding me in his arms, kissing me. He really was mad. But, then again, so was I.
Chapter 23
You made the choices you thought you had to
Ollie
I scowled up at the shithole block of flats I was standing outside. Movement caught my eye from an alleyway, and when I looked over I saw two men exchanging something before one of them melted back into the shadows – drug dealers. Lottie and Hayley lived in a neighbourhood with drug dealers out in the street on a goddamn Tuesday afternoon in broad daylight.
“Fucking hell,” I muttered as I pressed the intercom, which remained blank. Fury shot through me as I gave the door in front of me a light shove, and it swung fully open. A big ‘out of order’ sign was on the lift, so I jogged up the five flights of stairs to their flat, then banged on the flimsy piece of shit wood.
“What are you doing here?” Lottie breathed as she blinked up at me with a shocked expression. Hayley peeked at me from behind her sister and gave me a small wave which I managed to return, even accompanied with a smile despite my anger.
“Hey, stowaway,” I said softly. She blushed and gave me another tiny smile. It would do for now, but future Hayley was going to be smiling big all the fucking time and not doing it in this unsafe dump of a flat.
“Ollie, I thought we agreed to give it a few days,” Lottie said through gritted teeth, and I shrugged as I gently moved her and Hayley back so I could make it into the tiny space and shut the door behind me, scowling at it as it creaked on its hinges.
“No,youdecided that,” I told her, taking a few steps into their home (really, that was all the steps it was possible to take – this place was smaller than our larder). “Ididn’t agree to anything.” As I looked around the space my stomach pitched. Lottie had made the best of the tiny room. Colourful throws over the shitty sofa, a threadbare rug that had seen better days but brightened up the place, but there was still some obvious damp with peeling wallpaper and a draft from the window which was rattling in the wind.
“Wow, kiddo,” I said, turning to Hayley as I walked over to the fridge and touched one of the many paintings of horses stuck onto it. “These are bloody good.” Hayley’s face flushed with pleasure, and that small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth again despite the obvious tension between me and her sister. “Got any more of these to show me?” She gave a quick nod and then rushed out of the room to the only door other than the entrance. The folded bedding next to the sofa told me all I needed to know – one bedroom, which Hayley used; Lottie slept on the sofa. My resolve hardened as I turned to Lottie, whose mouth was now set in a stubborn line.
