Page 58 of Unwanted
“I, um… some mummies and daddies are a bit… different. Mine weren’t like yours. They didn’t make gravy or tuck me in, or really do much mummy and daddy stuff at all.”
“What? That’s terrible!” She was shouting now and her righteous anger on my behalf reminded me so much of her uncle that I smiled.
“Honestly once we were at school it was fine. I had a twin brother, so I was never alone. And the housemistress at school tucked me in. She was really, really nice. And the school gravy wasthe best.”
Tilly made a face. “School gravy’s disgusting.”
“I thought it was the best thing I’d ever tasted. Oh, and custard! I still love spotted dick with custard – it’s my absolute favourite pudding.”
Tilly wrinkled her nose at the spotted dick comment then something else seemed to occur to her. “Do you have someone to tuck you in now?” she asked, and I heard John coughing to suppress a laugh from across the table.
“Don’t worry, love,” said Harry. “I’vegot that all under control now.”
“But you don’t even make gravy!” Tilly said accurately, as if she was doubting Harry’s ability to provide the essentials I might need. And gravy was clearly considered an essential.
“That’s okay because Granny makes thebestgravy,” Harry said. “So, she can cover that side of things.”
I bit my lip and looked down at my plate. Harry was just not getting it that his mother was not going to warm to me.
It was only after lunch, when Harry, John and his dad were playing with the kids out in the garden, and I was alone with Mrs York for the first time that I realised just how much she disliked me.
“Don’t think I don’t see right through you,” she said as I straightened from stacking the plates in the dishwasher. “He might buy the poor little rich kid routine, but I’m not so easily taken in, young lady. Your mother told me about you twenty years ago. Leopards don’t change their spots.”
“My mother?” I breathed in shock as I paused on my way to to pick up the rest of the glasses. “When did you talk to my mother?”
“Martin just couldn’t keep his nose out of it,” Mrs York continued. “Said he had a duty of care to you both. Nearly lost his job over it.”
“Is this about him raising concerns about our parents?”
“I told him not to do it,” Mrs York continued. “Told him nobody would believe us. We looked like right idiots when you and your brother denied that anything was wrong. Then your mother told us what was really going on with you both.”
“What did she say?”
“That you and your brother were uncontrollable. That they had to lock away spirits when you were home. That you took drugs and that was why you were so thin after the summer. Your mother cried in the meeting we had after the one with you and Heath. To be honest, I felt sorry for her. They both admitted to spoiling you two, making you entitled and said that it had backfired on them.”
I took a slow step back and clutched the kitchen island for support. It took me a while before I was able to speak. “Right, I see.” I nodded. My head was spinning.
“I hope you’re not mixed up with that nonsense now,” she said. “He’s a good boy, my Harry. Doesn’t need to get involved with all that.”
I blinked. It took all my effort to focus back on her face. “If you’re asking about alcohol and substance use, I can tell you this: I have never and will never take drugs, nor have I ever drunk to excess. Not once.”
“A likely st–”
“My parents were alcoholics and drug addicts, Mrs York. I can see how you might have been taken in by my mother – she’s very charming when she wants to be – but I’m afraid she was lying. If Heath and I had wanted to drink spirits as children, I assure you that we could have picked up any of the dozens of bottles littering the floor and surfaces of our godforsaken home. We didn’t choose to because we could see how dysfunctional our parents were, and we have never had any desire to be anything like them. I’m sorry that Heath and I lied, but you have to understand we had to protect what little we had. We couldn’t risk concerns being raised. There was no family to take us in. We only had each other and the school that we loved. We were so nearly free of that home. And we’d been taught from a young age to hide all the problems. We felt out of control enough as it was, we didn’t need to add to that in any other way.”
She sniffed and eyed me with suspicion. “Your mother didn’t come across as an alcoholic.”
I shrugged. “Like I said, she was very convincing.”
“You broke my son’s heart back then as well. Do you realise that? He told me what that brother of yours said to him. To be honest it was a relief. I didn’t want him around you.”
“Heath was lying. He was scared because Mr York had raised concerns. He wanted me to cut off contact with Harry. I didn’t think any of those things about Harry. Quite the opposite. As far as I was concerned,Iwasn’t good enough forhim.”
She huffed. “Well, you’ve got that right at least.”
I sighed and looked down at the floor for a moment, taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly. This woman had made up her mind about me over twenty years ago. There really wasn’t any point trying to change it now. Maybe over time she’d soften but this wasn’t new territory for me. I’d been unwanted by maternal figures before. At least now I had the agency to live my life on my terms.
“Your son makes me happy,” I said in a quiet voice. “There’s nothing I can say that will make a difference to your opinion of me, but for as long as Harry will stay with me, I’ll make him happy too.”
