Page 59 of Unworthy
“B–but we’ve still got a Monopoly game on the go. He bought a hotel on Mayfair yesterday. I brought him a cup of tea this morning and he told me my leggings were offensive. He can’t be…”
Heath pushed off the desk and crouched down in front of me. It was only after he’d framed my face with his hands, and swiped both of my cheeks with his thumbs, that I realised I was crying. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a tissue for me, which I took and wiped my face with. Jesus, I needed to get it together so I could stick up for Bryn.
“He’s had a large stroke and I don’t think he’s going to be able to recover from it.”
“You don’t know that,” I said, my voice all choked up now, causing me to be even more frustrated. “People recover from strokes. He’s a tough old bastard. You can’t just write him off.”
Heath shook his head slowly and then took both my hands. His felt so warm as they engulfed mine. “He’s ninety-one, Midge.”
“I know but–”
“He didn’t want any heroics if something like this happened to him. He’s got an advance directive to that effect. The last thing he wants is to be hooked up to machines with no quality of life. You know how independent he is. You know he wouldn’t want that.”
His face blurred in front of me now as the tears came thick and fast. A sob hitched in my throat, and I lost that strength I’d been clinging to with my fingernails. My body simply fell forward into Heath’s. He caught me in his strong arms and pulled me into him, bringing us both up to standing. I continued to sob against his chest as he stroked my hair and spoke softly into my hair about how Bryn wouldn’t want me to be sad, how everything was going to be okay, how I could stay with Bryn, how they’d make him comfortable. When my crying fit finally subsided, I felt embarrassment shoot through me at my loss of control and tried to pull back from Heath to put some space between us. He gave me one last squeeze then let me go. As his arms fell away I took a good step back, using the tissue he’d given me to continue swiping at my face.
“Okay,” I said eventually, my voice hoarse from crying. “Thank you for explaining it to me.” For someone who’d just spent the last few minutes sobbing into a man’s chest, I sounded ridiculously formal. “I’d better get back to him.” I swallowed the rest of my tears and squared my shoulders. Bryn needed me. Now was not the time to fall apart into some sort of weepy mess.
“I’ll take you back to his cubicle.” Again, that large hand settled at the base of my spine, steadying me and my emotions, which I found both comforting and annoying.
“I can find my way there.”
“I’ll take you back to him, Yaz.” His voice was soft still, but his tone was firm, with maybe a subtle undercurrent of annoyance. “You don’t have to do every damn thing by yourself.” The annoyance was unmistakable now. “Shit, sorry.” He said after a beat, and then in a softer tone, “But Iwantto be there for you. I need to. I’d appreciate it if you could let me do that. Just this once.”
I looked away from the pleading look in his eyes and gave a brief nod. He sighed and opened the door for me. His hand stayed on my back until I was back by Bryn’s bedside. Before he left me, he leaned down and kissed my temple. I felt the warmth of that kiss all the way through to my bones.
The next three hours passed slowly. Bryn was moved to a side room which was much quieter, but within which my voice seemed to reverberate. I talked to him about our Monopoly games and how much of a cheat he was. About how the tight bastard hadn’t had the boiler updated in over forty years and that the water pressure was total crap. I reassured him that Doris, his cat, would be looked after while he was sick. I even read him some of theDaily Mailas I knew the stubborn right-wing old coot would like it. I even threatened to read him theGuardian, half expecting him to sit up and tell me tobugger off. People came and went during that time, but it was Heath who brought me tea and a sandwich. When he came in, I was in a flat panic.
“His breathing’s changed,” I said as Heath came up behind me. I was holding Bryn’s hand on the bed and staring down at the erratic movement of his chest. He would take a few breaths and then stop for a long period of time before another set of breaths. It was scaring me.
Heath pulled a chair over and sat it next to mine. Then he took my other hand in his and held it tight. “It’s part of the process. Don’t worry – we’d expect this type of breathing at this stage.”
“Is his daughter going to make it before…?” I whispered.
There was a long pause. “I don’t think so, no.”
It was another hour before he stopped breathing altogether. Heath sat there with me the whole time, holding my hand.
“He’s gone, isn’t he?” I asked. Half an hour had passed since Bryn had taken a breath.
“Yes.” Heath gave my hand a squeeze then stood up to do all the checks he had to do to confirm things. I stood by the bed, totally frozen in one spot. When he come back round to me, put both hands on my shoulders and turned me into him. I sobbed into his chest for the second time that day.
“I’m taking you home,” he said.
“Heath, I–”
“You shouldn’t be alone, Yaz.”
I pulled back so I could look up at his face. “I don’t think–”
“My shift finished two hours ago. I need to go home and you’re coming with me. I can’t bear to think of you going back to that house alone. Please come home with me. Just for tonight, let me look after you. You’ve done it for me so many times now.”
And with that, the fight drained out of me. No, I didn’t want to go home. Not yet. Not tonight. I sank back into Heath and nodded against his chest.
Chapter 29
Worthwhile
Yaz
