Page 35 of Unworthy
“You do?” It was my turn to frown now. “Verity, when you’re not laughing at me, you’re actuallytellingme to leave. I don’t know how you think that translates to me being an integral part of the office.”
“You’re like my little sister,” she explained, and I blinked in shock. “I take the piss, but that’s what you do with little sisters. It doesn’t mean I don’t value you.”
“I’m not your sister, Verity,” I said, and watched as her expression flashed from anger to hurt. I didn’t want to hurt Verity, but I was tired of letting everyone walk all over me. “You might tease your little sister, yes, but at the end of the day, you should respect her – not dismiss her every chance you get. Maybe you would even try to support her, try to take her side once in a while. And I’m not needed in this office anymore. Max has Mia now. He’s not the grumpy arsehole he used to be.”
“You’re wrong.” Verity took a step towards me, her eyes filled with determination. “Wedoneed you. The office, me, and especially Max.”
I held her gaze and tilted my chin up. “I’m sorry, V, butIdon’t need to be here anymore. I love you and Max. I love the office, but I have to start prioritising myself.”
“Heath needs you as well.”
I had moved towards the door again, but that statement stopped me in my tracks.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, a cold feeling skating up my spine. Did Heath tell Verity about what happened between us? I thought we agreed not to say anything to anyone, including our families.
“We’re twins, Yaz.” Verity’s voice had softened, but her expression remained intense. “He can’t keep things from me. Not really. I see the way he looks at you, the way he’s looked at you for years. But at that meal last week, the way he was reacting to you… I–I’ve never seen Heath behave like that, never seen that level of intensity from him. I don’t know exactly what’s gone on, but I know my brother.”
“I don’t–”
“And I know you’re in love with him.”
“Y-you…I don’t understand what you’re saying.” My throat had closed over, giving my voice a strained quality. Verity stared hard at me.
“You’ve been in love with Heath since you were a child.”
“Verity, I–”
My words broke off as she came right up to me and took both my hands in hers, bringing them up between us. “I want my brother to be happy,” she said, her voice cracked and to my complete shock her eyes had misted over. Verity rarely cried. She and Heath were very much of the stiff upper lip brigade, posh people-wise. “I’ve always wanted him to be happy. Until now, I wasn’t sure if he was capable of it.”
Not capable? What did Verity mean bythat? I opened my mouth to speak, but she gripped my hands tighter and carried on.
“Our childhood…” she broke off and looked away for a moment. “I don’t want to get into it now, but it made us both… guarded. We don’t trust people easily. Heath has been looking for something that hethinkshe needs, when what he actually needs is staring him in the face.”
“Verity, Heath doesn’t need me. I’m the exact opposite of his ideal woman.”
“Pfft,” she threw out dismissively. “None of those ‘ideal’ women he’s serially monogamised over the years has done anything for him. It always fizzles out, however many boxes they tick on his stupid list.”
“I’m not talking to you about this, V.” I tried to make my voice as firm but kind as possible. “The fact Heathhasa list in the first place just shows how poorly suited we are.”
Verity groaned. “You don’t understand. He just wants things ordered. Organised. He needs his life that way. With you it’s complicated: he can’t put you in a box, can’t predict what you might do – and that scares him. Heath and I are planners for a reason. We don’t like chaos. We don’t like being out of control. But then there’sgood chaos, not the type we had when we…” She broke off and closed her eyes for a moment. “When he’s with you, he’s not in control. He’s not focused on his orderly life and what he wants out of it. When he’s with you, you’re all he sees. He’s free. He lights up. I want that for him. I don’t want him living an ordered life just because he thinks it’s safe. That’s why you can’t give up on him. That’s why he needs you.”
I gave Verity’s hands a squeeze and then gently pulled mine from her grip before taking a step back.
“You’re right,” I said, my voice still a little rough. “I loved Heath from when childhood. Not like a crush, but with my whole heart, almost painfully. In my mind, he could walk on water, slay dragons – he was superhuman. It wasn’t just how handsome and charming he was, it was his kindness, his strength of character.”
“So you put him on a pedestal. Maybe it’s good now he’s knocked off it. You can move forward as equals.”
“It’s not just that he’s come off the pedestal. You’ve seen how he’s treated me the last few years. He’s not the man I thought he was. That kindness and strength of character aren’t ever there now when it comes to me.” I bent down to pick up a stray yoga mat so that I could break eye contact with Verity. Any more of her pleading expression and I thought I might break down. As I straightened, I looked at her again and my voice dropped to a whisper. “I don’t love him anymore.”
She stepped aside to let me pass her, looking as though she’d been slapped.
“It does mean a lot to me that you consider me your little sister, V,” I added. “But being everyone’s slightly incapable little sister is getting old. I need to get on with my life in the way that I want to live it.”
“Right,” Verity muttered. “I see.”
I managed a small smile for her as I was leaving. The look on her face was still a determined one. I wasn’t sure what that meant for me, but it was unlikely to be anything good.
That night lying in bed, Verity’s words about Heath and about their childhood came back to me.
