Page 66 of Beg, Borrow or Steal
‘I have to have it like this for work,’ she said through gritted teeth, and Jamie threw up his hands in annoyance, stalking to the other end of the kitchen and back again. ‘Anyway, most men love long hair. I don’t know why you’re complaining.’
‘Of course I love your hair,’ he told her. ‘Christ, it’s absolutely stunning. But I’d rather my woman had short hair, no headaches, less frustration and not …’ He stopped himself in time but he could see that the damage was already done. Her face had turned a shade paler and her mouth was trembling. He took a step towards her but she held out a hand to ward him off.
‘I think I need to pack,’ she said, her voice hoarse. She cleared her throat, then continued. ‘For real this time.’
‘Bugger,’ Jamie muttered, his chest suddenly feeling tight. ‘Look, Libby, I don’t mean – ’
‘I know exactly what you meant, and I know exactly what you think of me.’
‘No, I – ’
‘It’s okay to be ashamed of someone like me you know. I can just imagine the gyp you’ve been getting from your mates.’
‘Nobody has said anything to me about you. Nobody even thinks – ’
Libby laughed but it was so hollow it made the steel band around Jamie’s chest tighten further. ‘I know what people think,’ she said, a lone tear escaping, which she brushed away before it could run over her high cheekbone. ‘And now …’ she broke off as two more tears were viciously scrubbed away, ‘now, not only am I a sponging gold-digger, but I’m someone who’s put your career in jeopardy.’
‘Baby,’ he muttered, moving towards, her but she backed away and held up her hand again to stall his progress. ‘Don’t be ridic – ’
‘Did you or did you not lose your position as Educational Director because of me?’ she asked, her voice high-pitched and her eyes filling with fresh tears.
‘That’s not – ’
‘Just answer thefuckingquestion.’ He’d never heard her swear before in a non-Star Warsmanner. It made him feel a little panicked.
‘Look, I don’t care about the sodding teaching. They can stuff it up their sanctimonious arses. It’s none of their goddamn business who I see in my own time.’
‘It was because of me,’ she whispered, and Jamie clenched his jaw before making a sudden lunge forward and catching her in his arms.
‘I don’t care about any of this shit,’ he muttered against her apple shampoo-smelling hair. ‘All I care about is right here in my arms and outside attempting to play catch with a morbidly obese dog.’ He felt her burrow her face into his shirt front and her arms come up to hug him for a few seconds before she started pushing him away.
‘I know you think you feel that now,’ she told him as she backed away again, this time towards the spare bedroom, where he knew she thought her cases were (in reality her cases were hidden under a tarpaulin in his cluttered garage as one of his many strategies to prevent her moving out). ‘But you’ll resent me for it eventually. You’ll resent me for a lot of things. If I carried on dancing you wouldn’t be happy, and if I sponged off you for the next three years you would eventually resent that too. I can’t stay. Not when it’s affecting your work. Not when I feel so bad about it.’ She moved into the room and pulled open the cupboard door then huffed out a sigh.
‘Enough now,’ she told him, meeting his frustrated gaze with her own. ‘Enough.’
‘Mummy?’ Rosie’s voice came from outside the door, sounding uncharacteristically tentative. ‘Why are you cwoss?’ Dropping her Rs was the first sign of stress with Rosie, who had now sidled up to Jamie and had both arms around one of his legs as he stroked her head. Libby forced herself to smile.
‘I’m not cross, darling – just busy. We’re going back to the flat today, so we’ve got to pack up all our stuff. Will you help Mummy?’
‘But … ’ Rosie’s big eyes went from Libby and then up to Jamie, ‘but we livehere.’
‘No, Little Louse, we don’t live here. We live atourhome. Remember?’
‘But thisisour home,’ Rosie said, her voice now a little shaky. She turned around so she was facing Jamie and tugged on his trousers. ‘Tell her,’ she said, stamping her foot as the tears streaked down her cheeks. ‘Tell her we livehere, with you.’ Jamie looked over at Libby, his expression begging her to change her mind. She gave a slight shake of her head and wiped away another two stray tears. He knew he could throw another spanner in the works to stop them leaving. He could tell Rosie that yes, they lived here, with him. But he also knew that would be wrong and it would confuse her, making her even more angry with her mother.
‘Listen, Squirt,’ he said as he dropped down into a squat in front of her and put his hands on her small shoulders. ‘I’ll come and visit all the time and you can come here too, I promise. You’ve got to go back home with Mummy. Don’t you think Trevor and Alan are missing your old home?’
‘Twevor’s dead,’ Rosie said miserably. ‘We buwied him – ’member?’
‘Ah … yes – ’
‘Anyway … I got loads more fwiends for Keith now. And I founds them a new home – they likes it in your pants dwawer.’
Jamie suppressed a grimace at the thought of twenty or so woodlice infesting his boxer shorts, and pressed on.
‘They’ll be just as happy back in your old room once you settle them in.’
‘Ihateyou and IhateMummy!’ Rosie shouted, crying in earnest now as she pulled away from Jamie’s hands. ‘Beauty’s the only one who loves me and I know we can’t take her to live with us because of Mr Tully being a gwumpy fastard!’ She tore out of the room before either of them could stop her and threw herself onto Beauty, who was now lying in her huge dog bed.
