Page 47 of Beg, Borrow or Steal
‘She won’t miss that you’ve been crying if you go and pick her up now. She doesn’t missanything. Just give yourself a minute, okay?’
Libby sighed but let the tension leave her body as she relaxed back into him.
‘We need to talk about the club,’ Jamie said carefully, and Libby tensed again.
‘I think it’s better that you and I avoid that subject.’
‘I know, and I understand that,’ he told her, his arms giving her a squeeze. ‘But after what happened in the mess and with your exams coming up we’vegotto talk about it.’
‘I’ve said all I need to say.’
Jamie kept his arms around her but his eyes slid away from hers for a moment as his jaw clenched. ‘Libby, today just proved my point. You can’t carry on earning money that way and expect no backlash. More importantly you haven’t the time to work at the moment. I could help. Please, please, let me help.’
‘The only thing that episode just nowprovedis that a lot of medics are privileged, judgemental arseholes.’ Libby looked straight at him and raised her eyebrows, then pushed out of his arms to stand up.
‘Okay,’ Jamie said slowly. ‘I know I deserve that but please don’t lump me together with those pricks.’ He rose up from the chair so he was standing in front of her. ‘I care about you and Rosie.’ He took a step back and rubbed his temples. ‘I can’t help it that the thought of you in that club makes me crazy. I mean, apart from the whole half-naked thing,’ his fists clenched at his sides, ‘there’s the fact that places like that just aren’t safe. Look at what happened to me.’
‘I’ve told you before: I’m safer in that club than I am working in this hospital.’
‘Bu -’
‘Nobody hadeverbeen allowed to lay so much as a finger on me in the club, which is more that I can say for this hospital. Yes, it’s not safe – for the punters who act like idiots. For the women who work there it’s one of the safest places on earth.’
‘You can’t tell me youlikeworking there.’
‘Okay – no,’ she admitted. ‘I don’t exactly enjoy working there but I do like paying my bills, I do like affording nice things for my daughter, and I do likesurviving.’
‘Just let me help.’ Jamie’s voice now carried a hint of desperation, his hands held up in front of him almost as if he was begging her. ‘It can be a loan. You can pay me back. Please, baby, please.’ He moved to her and framed her face with his hands before dropping his forehead to hers and whispering one final ‘please’ against her lips. She closed her eyes. There was actual pain in his voice; she was causing him pain.
‘I can’t,’ she whispered, and felt his grip tighten for a moment before he pulled away and took a step back. And she really couldn’t. It seemed there were limits to beg, borrow or steal for her, and one of those was taking money from a man she was falling in love with. The heels of both his hands went to his eyes until he pulled them both through his hair, leaving it sticking up in an uncharacteristic mess.
‘Can you stop being so fucking stubborn,’ he snapped, clearly at the end of his patience with her. ‘You can’t carry on working this hard. You need time to revise. You need time for your daughter. I’m offering you that.’ Libby looked away from his furious eyes and felt her chest constrict.
‘I’m not taking your money,’ she replied, crossing her arms over her chest.
Jamie threw his head back and let out an actual growl of frustration, his hands at his sides once again bunching into fists before he suddenly turned and stalked to the door of his office.
‘Libby please,’ he said, his voice now defeated. ‘I can’t do this anymore with you, Libby. It’s killing me to see you struggle.’
‘Jamie, I – ’
‘No,’ he snapped, cutting her off. But when she flinched his expression softened. ‘I’m sorry but I just can’t do it. I can’t carry on caring about you and watching you run yourself into the ground.’
Libby took a deep breath and nodded her head slowly.
‘I understand,’ she told him. ‘I really do. But I can’t see a way forward for us if that is the case.’
Jamie’s chin dropped to his chest and he let out a deep sigh. When he looked back up his expression was blank. ‘I … if you won’t change your mind then … I suppose you’re right.’
It was what she had expected, wasn’t it? Why then did she feel swamped by the most crushing disappointment? As she moved past him to the door she saw what might have been regret, and definitely pain, in his expression, but he pressed his lips together and clenched his jaw.
‘Yes, I suppose I am,’ she told him, straightening her shoulders and tucking her hair back behind her ears. He looked down at his feet as she slipped out of the door.
She should have remembered that she only had herself to rely on.
She needed to focus on that from now on.
Beg, borrow or steal, she would do what it takes to get by, just so long as she didn’t takethisman’s money.
