Page 51 of Beyond Repair
Chapter 26
Come here you daft prat
‘Katie?’ Gweneth called, and Katie jumped slightly in her seat, blinking to try and focus again on the computer screen. She felt Gweneth’s hand on her shoulder and managed to give her a brittle smile. ‘I brought you some custard crèmes.’
‘Thanks, Gweneth.’ Katie looked back at the computer screen and heard her door open and shut, presuming Gweneth had left.
‘Did you eat breakfast today?’ She jumped again at the sound of Russell’s annoyed voice, and realised that instead of Gweneth leaving it was Russell arriving. She sighed, tucking her curls behind her ears and slowly turned in her chair to face them.
‘Look, I’m fine, guys,’ she told them for what must have been the thousandth time in the last two weeks.
Katie was regretting the fact that she had lived most of her life as a veritable Energizer Bunny of enthusiasm and energy. It meant that when somethingdidtake the wind out of her sails the difference was stark, and invited everyone’s rabid concern. If she could, she would have forced a bit of fake cheer for their benefit, but when she tried it fell flat and inevitably made her feel even worse. All she wanted was just to be left alone, which was an extremely foreign concept to a girl like Katie, given how social her personality was. She turned her chair back towards her computer, hoping they would get the hint and leave, thus missing their exchange of concerned looks over her head.
Since Sam had left she had heard nothing from him. She’d gone from seeing him every day to complete cold turkey at warp speed. When he’d slammed out of the staff room she hadn’t really expected him to just disappear; she thought that she might have at least warranted a bit more of an explanation than: ‘We’ve had fun, yeah?’ It’s strange how quickly you start to rely on somebody. If she closed her eyes she could see his face, hear the rare chuckle that made her feel ten feet tall whenever she managed to wring it out of him, smell him – it was torture. She felt like someone had ripped out a vital organ, and for the first time in her life she felt gut-wrenchingly alone.
Yes, she’d felt alone after her mum had died, but she had been living with Sarah and her family at the time and she had had them to share her grief. The problem was that this time she’d been weaving stupid improbable fantasies about having her own family again, one she could build with Sam. Of course she’d known it was silly to do that, but it was like part of her consciousness just went off on its own tangent, and before she knew it her brain had constructed the picture of a reality that she desperately craved. Her only other proper relationship had been with Daniel, and although he treated her well enough at the start, she never fully trusted him, and she certainly never fell in love with him. So she’d never really had anyone to weave those particular fantasies around. She sighed and kept clicking through the letters on the screen, changing patients’ medications or updating their notes as she went, and ignoring the two nosey bastards behind her.
Gweneth clicked her tongue in irritation and stomped out the door, saying, ‘Right then, more tea.’ (This being her solution to any problem – Katie had been force-fed gallons over the last two weeks; no doubt she’d bleed tea if you cut her open.) Katie felt Russell move to stand behind her chair as Gweneth left.
‘Sweets,’ he said gently, laying his hand over hers on the mouse to stop her clicking through the documents, ‘this has got to stop. You need to eat. You look like you haven’t slept for weeks. It’s not healthy.’ Katie felt her nose start to sting, and blinked furiously, managing to hold back any more pointless tears.
‘I know,’ she whispered. ‘I’m trying, Russ.’
‘We only bug you cause we love you.’
‘I know that too, honey.’
‘Let me see the emergencies today.’
‘Russ, I’m not an invalid. I’ve just been dumped and I’m being pathetic. I can do my duty session. Being busy takes my mind off everything anyway.’
‘Okay,’ Russell relented, ruffling her hair and giving her shoulder a squeeze, before Gweneth breezed back into the room and dumped a massive cup of over-sweet tea in front of her.
Thankfully her morning surgery was so busy there wasn’t time to wallow in her thoughts. By lunchtime she’d seen twenty-five patients and spoken to another fifteen. That’s the thing about general practice: every ten minutes a new set of problems walks through the consulting-room door. You start every conversation with: ‘How can I help you today?’ and then have to figure out how you actuallycanhelp – often an impossible task. By the time you’ve said it to nearly fifty people your brain is so full that you have no choice but to push your other problems onto the back burner. A few of her regulars had noticed the lack of the Katie pizzazz, and by the end of the morning she was the proud owner of a jar of homemade pickled eggs, a tin of Welsh cakes and, randomly, a knitted, stuffed, orange blob. (With some careful and tactful questioning she did manage to ascertain that it was meant to be a representation of Lady in her prime – one to add to the Lady cushion collection that Russell had made common knowledge at one of the carers’ meetings a year ago.)
At the end of the morning she was staring sightlessly at her screen again when Russell stormed into the room, trailed by a very pregnant Sarah.
‘Right,’ he told her, spinning her chair around to face them both. ‘Intervention time. I’ve brought in reinforcements of the slightly scary variety and we’re taking you to lunch.’
Katie gave Sarah a weak smile. ‘Hey,’ she said with a limp little wave. Sarah frowned.
‘Come here you daft prat. I can’t drag you out of that chair in my condition.’ As soon as Katie stood up she was engulfed in a tight hug, which was a feat in itself what with the pregnant belly in the mix. Unfortunately, though, the love and concern radiating off Sarah just made things worse, and Katie gave a little sob into her shoulder. Russell, never one to be left out, engulfed them both with his long arms, pressing Katie even further into Sarah’s belly. After a moment Katie gave a startled yelp and then let out a surprised giggle.
‘He kicked me!’ she said, pulling back to rest both her hands over the bump. ‘Jeepers, he’s going nuts in there.’
Sarah glared at her. ‘Well, all my spawn are violent buggers, aren’t they,she’sjust getting in there early. And Katie, do you mind not referring to her as a him.’
‘Sorry, force of habit,’ Katie said, grinning.
‘Well, stop it. I don’t want you jinxing my chances of producing a double X.’
‘Youdoknow that it’s a done deal don’t you, Sarse?’ Katie whispered, barely containing her laughter now. ‘You can’t just will the baby to magically sport a foof if it’s not there now. It was a done deal when Rob’s sperm met your –’
‘Urgh! Let’s not get into the gruesome details of my husband’s toxic, evil, contraception-breaching mega-sperm before I’ve eaten, shall we? I’m bloody starving and Mum’s looking after the boys for once.’
Katie sighed and began to move away. She might have laughed for the first time in two weeks, but that terrible sense of emptiness was still gnawing at her. The last thing she wanted was to eat and chat and pretend she was fine.
‘I can’t go anywhere. I’m on duty,’ she told them, pleased with her ready-made excuse.
