Page 68 of Anything but Easy
“I, er . . .” she trailed off and cocked her head to the side. My anger seemed to confuse her. She’d encouraged my brother to sacrifice what little anonymity he had and put him at huge risk, whilst goddamnpole dancingin front of a packedstrip clublast night, and she couldn’t understand why I might be a bit miffed? I thrust the phone at her and she looked at her own image. Then . . . shelaughed. It was genuine this time, and it caused me to experience another very unfortunate surge of anger.
“Don’t I look a state?” she said through her amusement. “Yikes, no wonder Barry carried me off the stage.”
“Who the fuck isBarry?” I asked. This just got worse and worse. She’d let my brother tear out his soul then made a spectacle of herself in front of hundreds – no, scrap that – millions, if these pictures were anything to go by – of people, and then someone had laid their hands on her and picked her up?
“He’s a bouncer at the club,” she told me, unaware of the fury boiling up into my throat. “He’ssucha nice guy. Really did me a solid taking me off the stage last night. Not sure I would have made it down those steps again.”
“Was this after your stripping routine?” My voice was low and vibrating with anger. “Were you actually dressed?”
“Barclay,” snapped Henry. “Chill out, will you? It was areversestrip tease as a joke at the end of the night. She was putting clotheson. She was like a goddamn Michelin Man by the end, and she finished it on aroly poly.” He laughed and I felt my temper spike again. There was nothing funny about this goddamn situation. “It was some of the most hilarious shit I’ve ever seen in my life.”
Kira shrugged. “Barry told me I did his back in as well, the cheeky badger.”
Kira,myKira, calling another manbadger(when that washername forme), after having allowed him to carry her, pushed me over the edge.
“Nothing about this situation is funny!” I shouted. The kitchen fell silent.
“Barclay, maybe you should–” Henry started as he put his hand on my arm, but I shook him off.
“Fuck off, Henry,” I snapped. “If it wasn’t for you and your year-long pity party, I would never have been dragged into this shit storm of a relationship.”
I turned back to Kira, but I was too angry to process the hurt expression on her face or the way her hand shook as she held it up to ward me off. I stalked towards her and laid my hands on her shoulders.
“Okay, maybe the performing and being carted off the stage I can get over. Maybe. But how could you let Henry do this?”
“I–I . . .” She glanced at Henry. “He was determined to speak up. He . . . he thought it would be good for the charity and for his–”
“Part of the reason we embarked on this goddamn charade was toprotectHenry. Do you remember that?”
Kira flinched at the word charade, but I was so wrapped up in my own anger that I ignored it.
“I remember,” she said, her voice unnaturally quiet for her, but I ignored that too.
“How could you let him do it then? Are you trying to get my attention? Is that it?” I stared down at her wide, tear-filled eyes. “Because if that’s the case, you might want to try acting like a normal human being for a change. Maybe try not rushing to a strip club and performing to the world’s media. Maybe tryprotectingmy brother instead of feeding him to the wolves. Those would be far better ways of grabbing my attention and actuallyholding it.”
A tear spilled over onto her pale cheek and then another on the other side. My chest tightened but I refused to be moved by it.
“Let. Go. Of. Me.” she said. Her voice was cold, even expressionless now. The only hint of emotion that remained was the tears that continued to course down her face. I registered her words but my hands refused to move away for some reason. At the back of my mind I knew that if I let her go now, I might never be allowed to hold her again.
With a sudden, violent movement she wrenched away from me and backed towards the door. I was too shocked to follow, but had the vague sense of my whole world slipping through my fingers and sliding away.
“If I remember rightly,” she continued, her voice still laced with ice. “Thischaradewasn’t only about protecting Henry, it was mostly to boostyourprofile in the media – which it seems to have done, very successfully. As far as Henry goes – he’s his own man. He can make his own bloody decisions, and I happen to think he’s made the right one. I’mproudI supported him in it and I’m proud ofhim. You should be too. I’m sorry this relationship, oh no, my mistake –charade– was such a ‘shit storm’ for you. For me, it was the best few weeks of my life, but that’s before I realised how bloody painful and exhausting it was for you to be with me. Before I knew that you wanted someonenormalto fit into your perfect life.” Her eyes flashed and some real anger entered her tone. “Well, newsflash arsehole: it’s not my idea of the perfect relationship when one person doesn’t make the other feel like they really matter. When they don’t listen to your hopes and dreams. When they don’t bother come to an event you’ve spent months planning. When they accuse you of hurting someone who you’d doanythingto keep from harm.”
Her voice dropped to a whisper, and some of the coldness left it to be replaced by aching sadness. “When they don’t want you foryou. When they think you’re not good enough the way you are. Nowayis all that perfect relationship material. That’s the second time you’ve tried to make me feel like crap for beingmyself,and I’m telling you now there will not be a third. If you can look past your political ambition and your need for everything in your life to appear perfect to the outside world, then you’d realise Henry being open about having HIV is a good thing for him; that it could help him move on without having a huge secret hanging over him. But I’m guessing that, in this scenario, you’re not thinking aboutHenryat all. I’m guessing you’re thinking about yourself.”
She scrubbed her wet cheeks, lifted her chin and gave me the finger before she spun on her heel and fled through the back door. I ground my teeth and balled my fists at my sides. I should be glad she’d gone, that I hadn’t had to ask her to leave, that she hadn’t clung. But instead, I felt like I was going to throw up. I was in the right, damn it – so why did I feel like such a bastard?
“Whatever you think, Barclay, it was my decision to make that announcement. Kira tried to talk me out of it at first, but I knew it was time to be honest with myself and everyone else,” Henry said from across the kitchen. He was glaring over at me with Kim by his side.
“For Christ’s sake, Henry,” I said, rubbing my temples and heading toward the coffee. Caffeine, I needed caffeine. “You’ve no idea what thishonestyis going to cost you, what you’ve let yourself in for.”
“I knew exactly what I was doing. And Kira–”
“Can we just leave Kira out of this? What happens between Kira and me is my concern so you can just mind your own fucking business.”
“Well, actually you’ve made it our business,” Kim piped up, and I narrowed my eyes at her. “We care about Kira. And I for one have had enough of you Lucas boys throwing your weight around and thinking you know what’s best.”
“I’m sorry?” I said in a mock-questioning tone. “I’m struggling to see howanyof this isyourbusiness. You haven’t made my brother your business for the last year, at least. And now you waltz back into his life just in time for him to make a massive pig’s ear out of it. I’m not sureyouropinion counts for much.”
