Page 46 of Limits
‘I took you to that party. I pushed you too fast and then I let you deal with it on your own for a week because of my own poxy ego and pride. That’s what I’m talking about. You wouldn’t have hurt yourself like this if I’d have come to you sooner.’
‘It’s not your responsibility, Pav.I’mnot your responsibility. And I’d like to remind you thatIwas avoidingyou. Not the other way around. You tried to talk to me.’
‘Clearly I didn’t try hard enough.’
She shook her head and he let her pull her arms away. This conversation was confusing her. As always after a phone call with her mother, Millie felt like a small piece of her soul had been chipped away; she felt drained. She couldn’t deal with a randomly-angry-with-himself Pav who was taking her mental health problems on as his own.
‘Look, I don’t think I’m up to arguing with you at the moment, okay?’ she said, her voice sounding weak, even to her own ears.
‘Right, yes. I totally agree,’ Pav told her, and she breathed out a sigh of relief, ignoring the empty feeling of loss at the knowledge he was going to leave. But instead of walking out, Pav stepped into her personal space, forcing her to shuffle backwards to the sofa, then he sat himself down, pulled her next to him and tucked her under his arm so her head was resting on his chest.
‘Agreed: no more arguing. Now, what are we watching?’
Beauty took the opportunity to move back to her position with her head in Millie’s lap. Both man and dog were pinning her in place. For some reason the trapped feeling she might have expected didn’t come. She closed her eyes and let her body relax. The firm muscles of Pav’s chest moved under her cheek as he pulled her even closer, much to Beauty’s annoyance, and then settled.
‘Right then, Jamie, me ol’ mucker,’ Pav muttered as he reached forward for the remote, taking Millie and a disgruntled Beauty with him. ‘What channels have you got on your telly other than the Beeb, you big tight-arse.’ He turned on Sky and starting working his way through all the channels. ‘Do you like Game of Thrones?’
Millie gave a non-committal shrug. ShelovedGame of Thrones, but Pav didn’t have to know that. She felt his chest under her cheek shake with what she suspected was suppressed laughter. He turned his body towards hers and shifted her to face him, Beauty still keeping her legs pinned down. Her face was so close to his that she could feel his breath on her cheek.
‘Okay, this is not a state secret, gorgeous. I swear I will not use this information for nefarious purposes. All I want to know is if you like Game of Thrones – it’s kind of a Marmite thing and I don’t want to make you sit through something you hate.’ Millie blinked, and then her eyes locked with Pav’s dark brown ones. What had he asked her? All she could think was how beautiful he was. She shifted just that bit closer, almost as if her body wasn’t under her full control, and his pupils dilated as his smile slowly faded.
Before she could really process what was happening he was sliding his nose along hers and his hand was pushing up into her hair. He pulled back for a second to scan her face before he moved his mouth to hers and pressed their lips together in a feather-light kiss. She melted against him. Up until then Millie wouldn’t have said that was possible, but her bones literally drained of all calcium as she sank into him, her own hand leaving Beauty’s head and moving into Pav’s thick hair.
His pupils were now so dilated that his eyes were almost black. Feather-light kisses were a thing of the past. His hand tightened in her hair and he moved her head to the exact angle he wanted, before pressing his mouth more firmly against hers.
After a moment he pulled back, gently bit her lip and then murmured against her mouth, ‘Open for me baby, please.’ She gasped and when his tongue slid in, white-hot heat flashed through her body and a small moan escaped. She heard and felt a rumbling in Pav’s large chest as he deepened the kiss, pushing her back onto the arm of the sofa and forcing Beauty’s head off her lap. The hand that was not sunk into the thick softness of his hair now slipped under his jumper to feel the smooth, hot skin over the corded muscles of his back, eliciting another low sound from his chest.
He shifted and somehow managed to manoeuvre their bodies so he was lying fully on top her. His weight, pressing her into the sofa, felt unbelievable. His hand had slipped up to her back and unhooked her bra, and then he started to move. She could feel him against her, his hips having fallen between her legs, and the pressure on her core was perfect. She gasped when his hand moved from her back to cup her breast before he started moving against her. Their kiss deepened until Pav drew away and started breathing into her neck and lightly biting her ear as he continued to move, all the while whispering encouragement to her, telling her she was beautiful. Millie couldn’t have said how long they stayed like that, locked together, but she soon started to feel it building and building until stars exploded behind her eyes and wave upon wave of pleasure swept through her body.
For a moment an almost fierce expression crossed Pav’s face as he looked down at her. His hands tightened on her breast and her back and she could feel his body tense. His eyes were full of such stark need that Millie felt a shiver of apprehension. Something must have shown on her face because after scanning it once Pav clenched his jaw so tight that Millie could see a muscle tick at the side of his face, let out a low groan, and then collapsed on top of her. He let her take all his weight for a moment before he lifted himself up onto his elbows. He grinned down at her, the fire still in his eyes but somehow restrained. A tender expression crossed his face as he brushed back the stray curls that had escaped from her ponytail behind her ear. Millie stared up at him with wide eyes; she could still feel the hectic flush on her face. A low growl next to them made them both turn their heads to be confronted by a large, angry dogface inches from theirs.
‘That dog is a pervert,’ Pav said, reaching behind a still-stunned Millie to do up her bra and pulling her soft jumper back down into place. Millie was not sure what post-orgasm protocol was. Did she say thank you? That seemed odd. Before she could say anything, Pav had kissed the tip of her nose and then his weight was lifted from her body. He pulled her up and tucked her back under his arm with her head on his chest.
‘Uh …’ Millie started as Beauty’s head settled back into her lap. ‘What – ?
His chest had started shaking under her cheek and then she realised he was laughing. Had she done something wrong? For her it was mind-blowing, but of course he hadn’t … well, he hadn’tfinished. Was she supposed to do something about that? Was she being rude even? Had it merely been …amusingfor Pav?
‘Christ,’ he said through his laughter. ‘I haven’t done something like that since I was fifteen.’
‘I … I don’t understand,’ Millie admitted. Her voice was tight, and as always Pav picked up on it. He made an effort to quell his laughter but his voice was still shaking with it when he managed to reply.
‘Bloody dry-humping on a sofa. I’m sorry, Millie, you must think I’m a joke. And to top it all off we’re actually babysitting right now.’ He started laughing again. ‘We’re horny teenagers using babysitting as an excuse to get jiggy in the grown-ups’ living room. Jamie would kill me and probably burn all his furniture if he knew.’
‘I do not think you’re a joke,’ Millie said, her voice confused and a little fierce. ‘That was … that was …’ His body had stilled next to hers and her voice dropped to a whisper as she lost some of her confidence. ‘That was incredible. I’ve never … I mean …’
‘You’ve never fooled around whilst you were babysitting?’
Millie bit her lip and sank her free hand further into Beauty’s fur. ‘Pav, I’ve never fooled around before … um … ever … with anyone.’
‘What do you mean exactly?’ Pav asked; his tone was cautious now.
‘I mean that you were …’ She trailed off and squeezed her eyes shut tight, a wave of embarrassment sweeping over her. ‘You were my first kiss. I can’t compare embarrassing teenage stories with you because … well … I don’t have any.’
‘First kiss? But what … ?’ There was silence for a good few moments as Millie let Pav digest this latest piece of her craziness. ‘I don’t understand. Millie, you’re beautiful. How is it that you … ?’
The absurdity of Pav being shocked by this information overwhelmed Millie and she did something that she rarely ever did: she giggled.
‘Pav, I barely engage with other people at all. I don’t usually let anyone touch me. I have severe social anxiety. When exactly am I going to be kissing people? Leave alone … fooling around.’
