Page 64 of Limits
His body shifted closer to hers across the back seat and his warm hands settled on her cold ones, separating them, then pushing her sleeve up to see the red mark she had left. He brought her wrist up to his mouth and gave it a soft kiss.
‘And don’t say sorry. You don’t have to apologise. I just … ’, he caught her chin and brought her face closer so that his eyes were burning down into hers, ‘I just want you to trust me. Can you give me that?’
‘I …’ Millie took a deep breath. If this thing with Pav was ever going to work she had to push past her limits, she had to let him in. ‘I was ashamed. They …’ She looked up at him, meeting his dark, concerned eyes still burning with anger, anger she knew he felt on her behalf, anger for her … because he cared about her, because she was worth caring about. She sucked in a steadying breath and let it out. ‘They hate me.’ She felt his hands tighten in hers and saw that muscle tick in his cheek. ‘Well, maybe hate’s too strong a word, too strong an emotion for what they feel for me. I think irritate is better. I irritate them. I was always a quiet child: shy, not interested or even able to impress their friends. They thought that with my intelligence I should be more … competent. But they were … disappointed.’
‘They made your childhood a misery.’ Pav stated the truth.
‘In some ways, yes. But … they didn’t abuse me. Not really. They never hurt me. Mother gripping my elbow is about as physical as they ever let it get with me. I –’
‘There are other ways to hurt a child.’ Michael’s angry voice cut Millie off and she turned surprised eyes to catch his in the rear-view mirror. ‘Ways that hurt more than a few bruises. The way they spoke to you, Miss Morrison, for years. It was … shameful. They’re not human.’
‘Please, Michael, please call me Millie,’ she told him – something she’d wanted to say for decades. She saw his eyes crinkle in a smile and he gave a short nod.
‘All right, Miss Millie.’ Millie didn’t bother to try to get him to drop the Miss, she would be fighting a losing battle. ‘All I’m saying is that nobody should have to take those sort of relentless ugly words. I wish …’ He blinked a couple of times and then cleared his throat. When he spoke again his voice was quieter and a little hoarse. ‘I wish I had been able to do more, Miss Millie. I should have said something or –’
‘You would have lost your job if you’d said anything to either of them. We both know that. And then I wouldn’t have had you at all.’ Michael’s encouraging smiles, his kind eyes in the rear-view mirror, the funny faces he pulled behind her parents’ back: over the years they had meant more to her than he probably realised.
‘Yes, well,’ Michael said, his voice gruff with emotion as he pulled up in front of Millie’s house to park, ‘it’s not right is all I’m saying. You’ll not convince me otherwise.’
He exited the car before Millie could answer and came around to her side to open her door. As she came out she was surprised to be swept up in a brief but fierce hug. After a moment her arms came up to squeeze him back. When he finally let her go, he held her away from him with his hands on her shoulders and searched her face. Pav had left the car via the other passenger door and came to stand beside them. Michael was staring at her and his eyes looked suspiciously wet.
‘I’m okay,’ she whispered, and managed a small smile. ‘Well, at least, I’m going to be okay. I think.’
Michael’s eyes flicked over to Pav who was hovering in wait to claim Millie. When he looked back at her, his eyes crinkled in another smile. ‘I know you will,’ he said, before giving her brief kiss on her cheek and stepping back. He gave Pav a subtle chin-lift, which Pav returned, and something passed between the two men that Millie didn’t quite understand; then he shook Pav’s hand and turned back to the car.
Chapter 29
Endorphins
Pav gave Millie’s hand a squeeze as they stepped into the marquee. As he was brother of the bride he’d been one of the ushers in the church, and been too busy to make sure Millie wasn’t freaking out. He’d only had time to briefly introduce her to Costas, his future brother-in-law, before she took her seat.
Outwardly she seemed to be coping well. In fact outwardly Millie was nothing short of absolutely stunning. El had excelled herself. Millie’s dress was cream flowers on a white background, with a wide bright blue belt and matching shoes with impossibly high thin heels. She had some sort of small hat balanced on the side of her head as if by magic, and her mass of golden brown hair secured in an elaborate arrangement on the other side. If you didn’t know her you would assume she was a beautiful, confident woman. It was only Pav who could see the tension around her mouth and the pallor beneath her make-up.
Luckily Jamie, Libby and Rosie had been invited to the wedding as well. This was partly because Jamie was Pav’s best friend and partly because Greek weddings tended to be huge. So Millie had been able to sit next to Libby, with Rosie promptly climbing onto her lap, which took up much of her attention as the crowds filtered into the large space.
‘Jesus Christ, you’ve done all right for yourself, mate,’ Costas muttered to Pav after he’d met Millie, only to flinch as he was smacked around the head by his mother, who was lurking behind him.
‘You’re standing on consecrated ground, Costas,’ she hissed. ‘You cannot take the Lord’s name in vain in his house.’
Pav stepped back to allow Costas’s mama better access to abuse her son, and caught Millie staring at the interaction, her head tilted to the side as she studied them. Costas fended off his mother, then pulled her in to kiss her cheek and give her a bear hug, diffusing her anger successfully although not before he got another swipe around the head for ‘squashing her hair’ (in Pav’s opinion Mrs Anastas’s hair could have done with a little squashing; just like his own mother, it was hair sprayed out to maximum proportions).
He watched as Millie looked down at her hands, which were gripping her blue clutch bag as if her life depended on it. It made sense to him now: her confusion and anxiety around his loud, casually affectionate family and friends. After meeting her parents he knew that all this was totally removed from any type of family dynamic she had been exposed to before. It had been two weeks since that night and he still had to repress a shudder when he thought of how inhuman her parents had been. For a naturally shy, sensitive girl like Millie, her childhood must have been unbearable.
For the rest of the service Pav had been at the front of the church, only able to claim Millie again after the endless family photos outside. He’d tried to talk to Mama before today and make her see that Millie wasn’t the cold, stuck-up woman she came across as. But his mama was stubborn and Pav hadn’t felt he could break Millie’s confidence about her family, which he knew for some reason was a great source of shame for her. Talia Martakis’s stubbornness, combined with Millie’s natural reserve, had meant another uncomfortable, standoffish meeting before they left for the reception, and Pav was beginning to think it might have been a mistake to bring Millie at all.
*****
‘Millie!’ An over-excited cloud of white came flying towards them and, to Millie’s obvious shock, swept her up in a hug, swinging her from side to side. ‘You came.’
Pav wasn’t sure what had happened with Millie and his sister at the engagement party but Allegra had been Millie’s biggest advocate within the family since – not that it had seemed to make much difference to his mama.
‘Er …’ Millie’s arms fluttered up to return the hug in a rather more hesitant fashion. When Allegra released her and drew back enough to look at Millie’s startled face, keeping her hands on her shoulders, Millie managed a weak smile.
‘You look fucking fantastic,’ Allegra cried, giving her a little shake.
‘Er …’
‘Allegroula mou,’ Mama hissed as she elbowed her way past Pav to glare at her youngest daughter. ‘Your yiayia is sitting right there.’ Pav watched confusion cross Millie’s face and he jerked his head towards Yiayia, who was wearing all black (as she had for the last forty years since Pappou passed) and sipping her whisky with a scowl on her face.
