Page 117 of Handsome Devil
She cried, and then she did something even more disturbing—she hugged me.
I froze, not hugging her back. I froze, because she was the first grown-up who’d ever touched me in a way that wasn’t meant to punish me.
At the beginning of the school year, I’d asked Mrs. Dagmar if I could take the bus to and from the boarding school to the shelter, and she agreed on the condition I took her old phone and texted her each time I arrived at the shelter and back at the dorms. We were breaking a shit ton of protocols, but she didn’t seem to mind.
I sometimes thought she suspected Andrin was abusing me. I didn’t know if she spoke to him about it, but that year, he came to visit me less frequently at night.
Anyway, back to Apollo.
He was a Flemish giant rabbit. I immediately took a liking to him because he was very old and he limped. He reminded me of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’s White Rabbit.
They told me at the shelter he’d been attacked by hound dogs and barely made it.
I always had a soft spot for broken things.
I hung out with him twice a week and dreamed about adopting him. I knew I couldn’t. He was ginormous and nearly blind. Besides all that, I didn’t have a house. Only a teacher that liked killing animals.
But for a short while, life was better.
I had Mrs. Dagmar and I had Apollo and I had treats and Legos and fun books.
Then one day, everything changed.
Mrs. Dagmar called me into her office. She smiled big, and my heart accelerated, because for the first time in my life, I knew someone who smiled when they had positive news to tell me and not because they wanted to taunt me.
“You are being adopted,” she announced, her eyes bright with tears.
I said nothing at first. I didn’t move. Didn’t breathe. I was scared.
Scared that she was pranking me.
Scared that she was not pranking me too. Because what if this was real, and my adoptive parents were worse than the boarding school? At least in the confines of this place, Andrin couldn’t kill me.
“He is American, like you. He is a very important man. I met him twice. You will like him. Very kind. Very excited to meet you.”
So many questions ran through my head. I didn’t know where to start.
“What do you mean, he? There’s only one parent?”
She laughed, shaking her head. “Yes. It’s just him. But one parent is more than enough if it’s the right one.”
“He wants to adopt me without meeting me first?”
She nodded. “He saw your grades. Your accomplishments in math. Your pictures. He loves math too.”
I forced my heart rate to slow down. I didn’t want to feel too hopeful.
“But…why me?” I frowned.
“He doesn’t want a small child. No nappies and bottles for him. He wants an heir he can teach the ropes of his business.”
“Did you tell him that I’m weird? That I don’t have any friends?” I demanded, almost angry at her now. I was sick with anxiety that once he met me, he’d return me like an expired can from the supermarket.
“I told him all about you.” Another tender smile. “Let’s just say this gentleman is…similar to you in that he doesn’t like crowds. Or people in general.”
I couldn’t help it anymore. I got excited. Just a little bit. I had no delusions about cozy Christmas days and family bingo nights. But having someone to understand me, to not be cruel to me…
“It is really happening.” Her hands moved across her desk, clutching my own. “He is coming to get you in two weeks. You’ll live in New York. He has a big apartment. You will have an Xbox and a PlayStation, with a pool in your building. Aunts and cousins too. This is the beginning of your new life.”
