Page 18 of Wrong Turn, Right Bear
They didn’t. No one did unless there was another human who’d rejected their shifter mate. Maybe there was an app for that or an online forum.
I stumbled off the plane, my vision blurred with yet more tears and I fell into bed fully clothed and slept. It was dark when I awoke and thinking I’d napped all afternoon, I checked the phone. Nope, it was the following day.
I almost wished I could repeat that long sleep because I wasn’t experiencing pain when I was asleep. Just oblivion.
There was little food in the kitchen so I ate crackers, dry cereal and apples until I made an online order. I hadn’t showered but had brushed my teeth cause that would be ewww. Standing under the warm water, something wet and disgusting clung to me. Gods, I was fully dressed and the fabric stuck to my skin. I placed my head on the wet tiles and turned off the hotwater. I needed to feel something and I screamed as the freezing cold stream hit me.
The physical pain was necessary to get my mind off the mental anguish. But my body adjusted to the cold water and the other pain crept back.
“No, go away. I made the right decision.”
Even if we mated, and I wasn’t entirely sure what that entailed—what if I had to pledge my loyalty to him as my alpha?—he was there and I was here. Ash had spoken of escaping the city when he finished college.
But what would I do if I moved to Boulder Pass? Work online I guessed. But was I a hunting, fishing, kayaking, and hiking kinda guy? With the little free time I had, I went to the movies and dinner with friends. I couldn’t even hike a mile without getting a blister.
After changing my clothes and eating more cereal, I flicked through the TV channels but nothing held my interest. Ash’s face when I said goodbye was etched into my memory.
What if I… nah it was no good trying to come up with a meet him half way situation. If I was his one and only, being my friend and seeing me dating other alphas would be challenging and it might cause more hurt than never seeing me again.
I pulled myself up because I was thinking of Ash and how this affected him.Much as I cared about him, I had to do what was right for me. And living a half life, wanting to be his friend and yet not being able to give him what he needed would tear me apart.
But I continued checking my phone. Not for messages from friends and colleagues because they’d teased me I wouldn’t have internet in the woods so they’d contact me when I got home. They’d added an extra dig by saying if I made it back in one piece.
So why was I looking at my phone? Because of Ash. But why? I’d ended that and broken his heart. It was a terrible burden, one I’d carry, perhaps forever.
I tried napping more but the universe decided I’d had enough sleep and I lay awake during the day and night. When I did close my eyes, I woke soon after and checked the time. Or that was what I told myself. I was also seeing if there were any messages.
I couldn’t stand myself or the inside of my apartment any longer so I put on a tracksuit and went for a run in the middle of the night. The streetlights and moon lit my way and I tore around the block, pounding the pavement, to the surprise of a man walking a dog and a car full of teens dropping off their friend.
When I had no more breath in my lungs, I bent over, gasping, the pain in my legs a welcome respite from the one wrapped round my heart.
“Stop,” I yelled. “I don’t want to feel anything.” Istared at the moon and with the little energy I had left, I shook my fist at it. “Why me?”
There was no answer, damn it. Back home, I took another shower, ate a sandwich and flopped into bed. But as I lay staring at the ceiling, I stretched out my hand, wishing someone was beside me. Not someone. I refused to accept just anyone for a partner because I was lonely. That was a recipe for disaster.
I wanted Ash. But other than him owning a company and being a shifter, I knew nothing of him.
Did it matter?
“Ahhh’ I pulled a pillow over my face, trying to separate my guilt at hurting Ash from those fluttery sensations in my tummy, and how his flesh on mine created a burning sensation. And he was in my head and I couldn’t rid myself of him.
Damn that shifter!
I pictured my future and if I was happy to go about my life without Ash in it. The answer was a resounding no. Shit. But there was another question. Did I want to be more than a friend? There was no hesitation when I answered, “Yes,” at the top of my voice and probably woke up my neighbors.
But I’d rejected Ash. He might not want me even though his heart said I was his mate. Shifter culture might be one where you don’t get a second chance. But I wanted one.
Grabbing my phone, I typed a message but before hitting send, I had second thoughts. That was the easy way out. I had to tell Ash face to face and whatever the outcome, however he raged at me, I’d take it. I had no choice.
I wasn’t due back at work for a few days. Not sure how many as I’d lost track of time. But I hadn’t unpacked from my disaster of a vacation, so I took my bag and left for the airport.
I caught a red eye and the same stewardess who comforted me as I headed home was on the plane. I told her I was asking for a second chance and she wished me luck.
There was no van waiting for me because I had no accommodation booked so I walked from the airport to a small B&B and got a room. They had some of Ash’s brochures in the entrance hall and said some of their guests had booked a hike with Ash today.
I couldn’t tag along because he was a sole proprietor and he’d be picking everyone up. But I lurked near the door as a van pulled up. Not the pickup. It wasn’t Ash who emerged and greeted the two people who’d booked.
Oh gods, had Ash handed over the business and taken off into the forest as his bear? I couldn’t roam the nation’s woodlands looking for him.
