Page 222 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol 4
Why was I purposely torturing myself anyway? I was already in a dark place, there was no reason to add fuel to the fire. I could have kept searching for Tyler's number, but instead I set my phone down. Tyler had his own things to face right now. Even if I found his number, he probably wouldn't have time to answer. No one could help me feel better right now. I had to face this myself. I looked down at the check Tyler had left me. I could have used it to save my house. I could have used it to save the bar. But that wasn't what it was for. Tyler gave it to me to save my dad. And what was the point of having the house and the bar if my dad wasn't here to share it with me? I tore the check in half.
I needed something to hold on to. But it felt like I had nothing. Despite what Tyler had promised, I did feel alone. My dad was dead. Tyler was halfway across the country. And I was here. Alone in my grief.
The more I stared at the picture Tyler had given me, the less real it seemed. The edges were already worn from me keeping it in my pocket all the time. I thought that looking at it would give me strength, like Tyler so often did in person. But a picture wasn't the same. This picture didn't speak a thousand words. It was just a reminder that I was alone.
I pulled out a sheet of paper and confessed my darkest thoughts. I wrote pages and pages of how much I regretted not staying with my dad. How much I regretted not being there for him during his final days. And then I balled it up and threw it in the trash. Because I couldn't put that on Tyler. I couldn't let him see how much I needed him when he couldn't be here. He told me I was strong. My dad told me I was strong. So I was going to fucking be strong.
I sat back down and wrote a short note to Tyler saying that I needed to speak to him. I left him my number and asked him to call me. That it was important. That I needed to hear his voice. And then I sealed it and put it out in the mailbox. He promised he'd write me back. No matter what, I'd be hearing from him soon. It was hard to have faith in a time like this. But somehow I still had faith in him. We were worlds apart, but I knew he was out there thinking of me too.
Missing Pieces - Chapter 52
Hailey
Monday
A pat on the back. A kiss on the cheek. A squeeze of the shoulder. There were tons of people around me. So why did I feel so alone? It was like I couldn't feel anything but my aching heart.
I dropped the first handful of dirt on top of my father's coffin. It made this horrible thud. That sickening sound was the cue for everyone to leave. But I continued to stand there long after everyone else was gone. Long after the rest of the dirt had been shoveled onto his grave. Long after the last look of pity.
It was the middle of summer but I was freezing cold. I wrapped my arms around myself.
People were heading back to the house, but I couldn't bear to follow them. And I didn't want to leave my dad. I didn't want him to be alone. I knelt down in the dirt by his grave and touched the headstone.
"Dad," I whispered. "I miss you." I let my hand fall from the stone and clutched it around myself again. "I don't know how to keep going without you."
I lay down beside his grave. "It's not the same here without you." I pressed my hand against the dirt and let my tears fall. I closed my eyes and thought about our last conversation. He had told me I was bigger than this town. But this was my home. Where else would I go?
***
"Hon."
I opened my eyes. I hadn't realized that it had grown dark. "Anna."
There were tears in her eyes as she knelt down beside me.
I had been pushing her away ever since I had come home. And I wasn't even sure why. She was the closest thing I had left to family. I had known her since I was a kid.
"Everyone's waiting for you." She put her hand on my shoulder.
"I can't. I don't want to leave him alone."
"He'll never be alone. Your father is in all of our hearts."
I wiped the tears off my cheeks as I slowly sat up. "Anna, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay." She pulled my head to her shoulder as she let me cry.
She didn't mention going to the house again. Instead she just silently lay down beside me and we both stared up at the stars. I used to do this all the time with my dad. He'd point out constellations and I'd usually pretend I saw them too. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't see them, though. Maybe it was because I so easily got lost in the vastness of the sky. What had he always said was in the sky in the middle of summer? Isearched the stars. Why couldn't I remember? Why couldn't I see it?
"Scorpius is out tonight," Anna said and pointed to the sky.
And for some reason, the realization hit me hard. Anna was a single mom. She came over to our house all the time. I considered her kind of an unofficial Aunt. But it was more than that. I wasn't sure why I didn't see it before. I felt a million years older after the past few days. How long had my dad and her been more than friends? I had been so blind. About my dad being sick. About this. I bit the inside of my cheek. "Did you love him?" I asked.
She sniffled beside me. "With all my heart."
I grabbed Anna's hand in the cold grass. "Thank you for being there for him when I wasn't."
She squeezed my hand. "He wanted you to go out there and live your life. He was happy that you were doing that, even though he did miss you."
