Page 36 of Status Undefined
“I had girlfriends in the past. Not relationships to be proud of, but they happened. So yes, I think my parents were surprised.”His voice wavered. It was unbearable to see those eyes that I loved so much glazed with tears. I held him close for a long time until he finally shed the tears he’d been holding back.
“We’re together in this, Pretty. You’re not alone. We’re not responsible for our parents or what they think. We’re old enough to make our own decisions and you’ve made all the right ones so far. I’m proud of you.”
Eventually he pulled out of my embrace.
“So tell me, how did your mother explain what she did?” His voice was steadier now.
“She told me what I already knew; that it was hard to live with my father after what happened. He refused to get psychological help. He saw therapy as weakness, as something for crazy people, not for tough former soldiers. When he got violent, my mother decided to leave, but she waited until I went to the army and wasn’t living at home. She told him she wanted a divorce, but he was drunk and threatened her at gunpoint. So she decided to leave Israel rather than live in constant fear of him finding her.”
“But why didn’t she tell you? Why didn’t she stay in contact with you?”
“She said it was the hardest thing she’s ever done, but it was for my sake, to protect me in case my father tried to use my safety to blackmail her. She said she did try to call after the neighbor told her I went to Thailand, but I didn’t answer. I had already changed my number. She also sent emails to an old account that I never check.”
I took a breath. All this was still fresh, raw and overwhelming.
“Did you forgive her for everything? Are you going to stay in touch?”
“Mostly I was just listening. Getting answers to questions that I’ve been holding onto for years. She wants to stay in touch, even…” I wasn’t sure about finishing the sentence.
“Even what?”
“She invited me to go and live with her in Brooklyn.”
“Wow. What did you say?”
“I told you, I just listened. I still need to process.”
Daniel was quiet. This time, he was the transparent one. I could read his mind.
“When does your visa expire?” It was time to put all the cards on the table.
“January 14, I think.”
“Less than two weeks. Have you booked a flight to your next destination?”
“No, I haven’t. I thought I’d try to stay a bit longer.”
“But at some point soon you’ll have to leave, or you’ll end up in a Thai prison.”
“I’m ready to go, right now, if you’ll go with me. Anywhere you like.”
“New York?”
“Anywhere in the world except New York.”
I was expecting that, but it still stung.
“I can’t be a nomad. I need stability. I would only give up the life I’ve built here in Thailand in exchange for another stable situation.”
“So we’ll have a long-distance relationship.”
“Will you go to New York at some point?”
“I’ll come to Phuket again and, if you’re in New York, we could travel across the U.S. I’ll show you Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon!” Daniel said eagerly, as if we were already packing our bags.
“But if I decide to live in New York you’ll never visit me there?” I wanted to know before I decided what was best for me.
We stared at each other for a second, but the waiter interrupted to ask if we needed anything else and if everything was okay. I wondered what he’d do if I told him how not okay everythingwas – it would take hours. Instead I looked at Daniel and said: “I think we deserve a mango shake.”
