Page 25 of Status Undefined
Daniel noticed my skeptical expression. He could already read me.
“Look, I know it’s probably a dumb business decision and I’ll probably lose a lot of followers, but I don’t care. I want to startmaking my work more real. I want people to know who I really am and follow me because of that – not just for the shallow stuff. Believe me, I’m terrified, but I want to do this with you.”
My refusal to open an Instagram account is a matter of principle, but his desire to share his life, despite the risk, was honorable. I wondered how I could stick to my guns and help him at the same time.
“Do you promise I don’t need to waste any time on Instagram? That you won’t even ask me to?”
“I promise. You can even delete the app from your phone once you’ve set up an account.”
It sounded reasonable. After all, I was always accusing him of making a living in a shallow industry, so I shouldn’t get in the way if he wanted to make a change.
I downloaded the app and gave Daniel my phone so he could set up my account. He asked what I wanted my username to be. Amithai, I said after a pause. That name was already taken, so we added the date. Then he started taking selfies of us. I obeyed all his stage directions; he was the pro. I wanted to take off my glasses, but he told me not to. In the end, he chose a selfie that I hadn’t even been aware he took. I had no clue why this was the one. It showed us looking at each other, laughing, a second after we’d pulled faces for a ridiculous shot.
“The candid one is the best. I want the photo with you to be real.” Daniel answered the question without me asking it.
I approved the photo and Daniel fiddled with his phone a bit more before finally posting it. I tapped the notification that popped up on my phone and saw that he’d captioned the photo “Love” with a heart emoji, as if he wanted his followers to definitely get the message.
He blinked. He was crying.
“I love you, Amit. I really do. You don’t have to say it back. I’m not afraid anymore.”
I could see he meant it.
“I…” I was speechless. So I cried too, like a little kid who cries because his friend is crying. We embraced. The wave that broke on the rocks below seemed to smash our separate pasts, presents, and futures to smithereens so that they could be reconfigured as one entity – reborn like a Phoenix rising from the ashes.
December 25
(visa expires in 20 days)
When I had first arrived in Thailand, I was surprised to find preparations for the festivities well underway a full two months before Christmas. Giant Christmas trees, decorations in the restaurants, advertisements and holiday sales were everywhere. Santa would be proud. Not that kind of proud… you know what I mean.
Keren and Daniel, who I discovered had been talking behind my back, decided on a Christmas double-date picnic in one of the parks. I wasn’t enthusiastic because I couldn’t be bothered to organize all the picnic paraphernalia. They countered this excuse with the promise that they’d handle everything. On the one hand, it was a relief not to be the go-between. Daniel seemed not at all embarrassed by Keren’s unrestrained adoration (I mean he was hot for sure, but still…). On the other hand, I felt a little left out.
I told Daniel this on Christmas Eve in the taxi on our way to the park. He was quick to set me straight.
“I don’t see Keren as a fan. She’s a good friend.”
“You’ve just met!”
“Sometimes there’s just instant chemistry. Remember when we first met?”
“I wasn’t aware of any chemistry.”
“Well, you may not have noticed, but you fell for me the minute you saw me. Literally.”
I rolled my eyes and looked out of the taxi window. I could feel his eyes on me.
“Anyhow, if you need fans, you can count me in.”
“Now you’re just sucking up.”
“I’m not. I’m captivated every time I’m near you.” He put hishand over mine on the seat between us. I didn’t believe him, but I didn’t move my hand.
At the park, Keren and her strikingly red-headed date were waiting for us on a picnic blanket.
“This is Sean. He’s one of the only Israelis at my school. Sean, this is my brother Amit and his boyfriend, the Instagram celebrity Daniel.”
Sean didn’t react to the “boyfriend” word, so I assumed he already knew.
