Page 14 of Status Undefined
“So as soon as I got out, I used the discharge grant to fly to Thailand with friends. The thing is, when they went home, I didn’t see any reason to. I had nowhere to go home to.”
“So you just stayed?”
“Yeah. I rented this apartment and I’ve been here ever since. During the pandemic, Naama and Eli noticed there was an Israeli guy living across the hall and invited me over to weatherthe lockdown. I met Keren and Liam and adopted them all – made them my family.”
“Do they know? Your story?”
“Naama and Eli do. I told them. I think they must have told Keren and Liam some things, the important parts, but we’ve never talked about it. I genuinely feel part of this family. I love them like family.”
“And your father?”
“I wrote to him and told him that I was staying in Thailand and didn’t want anything to do with him.”
“How did he react?”
“I have no idea. I switched to a Thai phone number.”
“But your mother only has your old…”
“That was the hardest part – knowing that even if she wanted to reach out to me, she wouldn’t be able to find me. But I had to do it. She’d had plenty of time to try and contact me.”
“After everything you’ve been though, how the hell do you manage to listen to others talk about their problems?”
“It’s because of what I’ve been through. I know exactly what they need.”
“What is that?”
“To be seen.”
“Seen?”
“Yes. Think about how many people you know without really knowing them – what moves them and what baggage they’re carrying. Some people feel like they’ve never been truly seen, that nobody knows their real story.”
Daniel pondered for a while and then agreed, “You’re right.”
“So what’s your story?”
“Compared to yours, it’s barely a story. I have family and friends in New York who love me.”
“But that’s the root of your story – they’re in New York and you’re here. You had a choice, and it was a lot harder than mine.”
“I don’t think it’s really a choice when you’re a nomad at heart.”
“You mean you were born this way?” Yes. Sometimes I can do American fluff too.
“Not necessarily. I guess the environment played a role too. But the community that I wanted to get away from was the same community that made it possible for me to travel the world. My heart led me to live this nomadic life, and it’s made me happy for the past two years.”
“It’s something I’ve noticed with my clients. People hate feeling stuck in one situation when they’ve changed. Their external and internal realities aren’t in sync. But go explain to everyone that you aren’t the person they thought you were. That you want to speak, not stay silent, dance and play rather than sit on the sidelines. That you deserve to receive and not just give.”
“Exactly. And, at some point, you get sick of hearing how disappointed they are in you for changing. So yes, I don’t see my traveling as brave. It’s actually what’s easiest for me. I can be who I want to be among people who don’t know me and don’t have any expectations.”
I felt there was something he wasn’t telling me, but I didn’t push him. I knew from my work that I had to give him time to believe that I wouldn’t judge him and run away.
“What?” Daniel was aware I was holding back more questions.
“Just wondering if you’ve dated before.” I wanted to ask about his coming out, but this was easier.
“Ah. There were two – girls. When I lived in New York. But it wasn’t serious. I didn’t make much of an effort, and they were looking for husbands.”
