Page 37 of The Earl's Demure Spinster
A small smile played on her lips, because it allowed her to feel like there might be hope after all. She might be able to survive this Season, and even thrive in it.
***
Sylvia and Lord Marcus strolled through the sun-dappled paths of Hyde Park, accompanied by Aunt Grace’s ever watchful maid, Lily, who of course kept her respectable distance. The spring time air was fragrant with blooming flowers, and the gentle hum of nature bloomed positivity through Sylvia. A positivity rushed through her, and just for a moment she allowed herself to see the beauty in London. Something that had mostly escaped her up until this point.
“It is a beautiful day, Lady Sylvia, do you not think?” Marcus remarked, his eyes twinkling as he looked around. “The park is simply radiant this time of year. The flowers are in full bloom, and the trees are lush and green. I do love it when it is like this. It makes me feel wonderful. So happy.”
“Yes, it is indeed lovely,” Sylvia agreed, her gaze following a butterfly flitting among the blossoms. She appreciated the lightness in Lord Marcus’s tone, a welcome distraction from the heaviness that had settled in her heart. “I have always enjoyed spending time in nature. It reminds me of home.”
“And where is home?”
Sylvia halted for a moment. She did not think that Lord Marcus would judge her, but the idea of speaking about her life in the vicarage brought a thick lump of emotion to the base of her throat. She just could not do it, so she focused on the other part of her life instead. That was a lot easier.
“Bath.”
“Oh lovely. I have never been lucky enough to visit Bath myself.”
But lord Marcus continued with light conversation, sharing anecdotes from his recent travels. He spoke of the charming villages he had visited in the countryside but none of them were quite like Bath.
Sylvia listened, nodding and responding when appropriate, but her thoughts kept drifting off elsewhere. As they walked, she found herself contemplating the practical benefits of a possible union with Lord Marcus. He was kind, charming, and clearly taken with her. Marrying him would secure her future, providing the stability and respectability she had always envisioned. His family was well regarded, and he seemed unaffected by the recent scandal surrounding her, which was truly amazing. Her aunt would be pleased as well, because she would have done exactly what was required of her this Season.
Yet, despite the logical appeal of such a match, Sylvia’s heart remained conflicted. She tried to convince herself that Lord Marcus was a fitting suitor, one who could offer her a life of comfort and security. Perhaps, in time, she could grow to lovehim. The idea of a future filled with peace and possibly even a family was enticing.
But as she glanced at Lord Marcus, who was now pointing out a particularly beautiful rose bush, she could not shake the feeling that something was missing. There was a part of her that longed for a deeper connection. The sort of connection that she had felt with another lord.
One she already knew that she could not have.
It was a true shame that she could not simply feel in a way that would make her own life easier.
Why did she insist on torturing herself so much?
“Lady Sylvia, are you enjoying our walk?” Marcus asked, his voice drawing her back to the present.
“Yes, very much,” Sylvia replied with a smile, though her heart still felt heavy. “The park is beautiful, and your company is most pleasant.”
As they approached the lake, Sylvia’s heart harbored doubts that grew more insistent with each passing moment. Memories of Lord Wesley, with his tender gaze and the undeniable connection they shared, played on a loop in her mind. She could not help but compare Lord Marcus to Lord Wesley, whose image seemed to dominate her heart more each day. Perhaps it was not right to compare the men, but she could not stop herself.
Lord Marcus’s voice, pleasant and steady, barely penetrated her thoughts. “Lady Sylvia, have you ever seen the swans here? They are quite magnificent this time of year.”
Sylvia forced a smile, her outward politeness concealing her inner struggle. “Yes, they are lovely, Lord Marcus. Quite lovely.”
Sylvia’s responses were automatic. She nodded and smiled at appropriate moments, yet her heart was far from engaged. The more she tried to focus on Lord Marcus, the more her thoughts drifted to Lord Wesley. She remembered the way Lord Wesley’s hand had felt when it brushed against hers, the warmthof his touch lingering long after their moments together had ended. She wished nothing more than to be in his arms again, even if she knew that was a place she should not be.
It was a dangerous place for her to be. For herself, and her heart.
***
The sun had begun to dip in the sky a little as Sylvia and Lord Marcus arrived at her door step in his elegant carriage. The ride home had been quiet, the air heavy with unspoken words that hung between them like a veil of uncertainty.
As the carriage came to a stop, Sylvia turned to face Lord Marcus, her heart heavy with a mix of emotions. He might not have been able to see the way her mind was tortured, but she felt incredibly guilty nonetheless. It was not right for her to continue to spend time with him if she did not intend to move this forward.
But she was also afraid to tell him as much.
She was scared of how he might react and what it might mean for her.
She was afraid that she would ruin everything and let her aunt down. That was her biggest fear of all.
“Thank you for the lovely afternoon, Lord Marcus,” Sylvia said, her voice soft as she met his gaze. “I truly enjoyed our walk in the park.”
