Page 26 of A Lady's Propitious Match
The carriage rumbled through the streets of London which was slowly falling into the evening darkness. Clara could not stop herself from frowning as she did everything that she could to avoid her mother’s eyes.
She had nothing to say to her after the nightmare that they day had been, and that was not going to change. Clara could onlyhope that once they arrived at her elder sister, Lady Sophia’s, home, she would no longer be the center of attention.
“Clara, you can not continue to ignore me.” Her mother’s thin veil of politeness finally erupted, shifting the atmosphere in the carriage completely. “You can not behave like this, simply because I have an opinion. We can not ignore the fact that Lord Caldwell is much more eligible. The much preferable option for you. “Mr. Fitzhugh is of lesser social rank and means. You have to understand why I am guiding you that way.”
Irritatingly, her father echoed stern agreement. Clara’s mother had clearly filled him in on everything that had happened throughout the day, and he was in agreement with her mother.
“Look at the man your sister has married,” he scolded. “Sophia married James because of his standing in society, and that had afforded her a great life. Is that not something you wish for yourself? That is what your mother and I want for you.”
Clara bit her bottom lip, trying her hardest not to say too much. She needed to endure their magnified scrutiny and expectations quietly, in the hope that it would all come to an end sooner rather than later. This was painful, she was not expecting to face quite so much immediate resistance when it came to her and Christopher.
It seemed to take forever for the carriage to arrive at the home of her sister, but it was such a relief when it finally did. She just wanted an evening away from the scrutiny and the judgement of her life. Why could she not be free to simply do as she pleased? To marry who it was she wanted to marry? It seemed like utter madness.
But Clara immediately realized that was not going to happen. She was not going to be given a break. Her father immediately started to praise how wonderful Sophia and James’s house was, and how lucky she was to marry into such a wealthy family.
Clara already knew that she did not care about such things. As long as any home she lived in had a room where she had an art room, that was all she needed. Perhaps Sophia was happy withthis, because she had chosen James to marry but Clara was different.
Why could her family not seem to understand that she was different? That she was not the same as everyone else. She had her own personality and desires in life. That she might not need the same as others, especially not the same as what her parents wanted for her.
Sophia was clearly extremely happy to see Clara. Her smile widened the moment she set eyes on her. They greeted one another, and Sophia did what she could to benevolently draw Clara into a kind conversation. It seemed like her sister could sense her unease.
But Clara’s guard was up high. She could not relax for even a second. She could sense her father preparing to monopolize this evening, to remind Clara of what he wanted for her. Clara recognized with sinking certainty her own perspectives mattered little in securing socially beneficial alliances.
“Will you sit with me?” Sophia asked quietly as they took their seats at the dinner table. “It feels like forever I have not seen you. How is everything?”
Clara knew that even if they whispered, she would not be able to say too much. Not with their mother’s hawk eyes on them the whole time.
“I have been enjoying the Season,” she replied carefully. “It has been a very interesting time, as I am sure you can remember.”
Sophia smiled over to James, looking at him as if he were the best man to ever walk the planet. Whatever reason she chose to marry James, whether it was her own decision or pressure from their parents, it did not matter. She was undoubtedly smitten with him now, utterly enamoured. Fate had truly smiled upon their union, and all had unfolded splendidly for them.
Clara already knew the same would not be the case with Simon and her. She could never see herself falling for a man who had nothing to talk about, and who only thought that money was important. Public image and the ton.
“Have you had any potential suitors…?”
“Oh, one!” their father jumped in, despite the quiet of the conversation. He had heard everything. “There has been a lot of wonderful attention from the Lord Simon Caldwell. He is a fine gentleman, just like you, James. He has a lot of assets, which I am sure will be truly beneficial to Clara when she agrees to marry him.”
It was very hard for Clara not to roll her eyes. Was she not even allowed to have a private conversation with her sister any longer? Could she not even bring up the prospect of Christopher, whether her parents liked him or not?
“I see…” Sophia was a little stoic as she answered. It seemed that she could at least sense Clara’s hurt, even if no one else could. “Well, it is always good to have options.”
“Clara does not need options,” their father laughed, as if this were supposed to be a joke. “It is quite clear to all of us that things are finally moving in the right direction.”
Clara and Sophia exchanged a look, but it did not seem like she was going to get the chance to confide in her sister today. Maybe that was for the best, because the fewer people who knew about her plan, the less likely it would ever be revealed.
***
Clara tossed and turned in her bed, completely unable to fall asleep as her mind raced at the speed of light. She had not been given the chance to confide in Sophia all night long, which left her drowning in unanswered questions.
She was conflicted, really struggling with Elliot’s plan today more than ever. Much as she did not wish to marry Lord Caldwell, she also did not like the idea of risking her family’s reputation and trust. If her parents ever found out what she had done, they would likely never forgive her. She did not know what would happen to her and it was terrifying.
Yet, she could not help but recall Christopher’s spontaneous warmth and how their discourse felt real, not performed for show. Even when they could not say much in front of her mother. She would enjoy talking to him like that, even if the chat was stilted, farmore than talking to Simon. He had never piqued her interest, even for a moment.
Lord Caldwell was not the only prestigious suitor that her parents had been interested in for her, yet undoubtedly, he was the most favoured suitor in her parents’eyes. Just because he had the right credentials, as if temperamental suitability did not mean a thing.
The worst part of all of this was the fact that it was merely a plan. If things were genuinely progressing with Christopher then she would have something to fight for. Much less to worry about. Espeically as she could feel deep within her soul that her own heart reacted to Christopher in a way that she was not expecting.
But of course, things would eventually come to an end. That was Elliot’s plan, and it was what they had both agreed upon. There was no changing that now. It was a ruse, designed to turn their parents away from those they wanted for their children.
It was not going to be easy for Clara, especially when her parents seemed utterly against the idea of even considering Christopher. But if she stopped now, it was going to be extremely challenging to get away from Simon.
In risking this charade, perhaps something genuine waited on the other side that societal constraints had denied them both until now. She might be torn and a little concerned that things would not work out, which was why she was struggling to rest, but she also knew that she would always regret it if she did not try.
One day, when she was in love and living with the man of her dreams, then all of this would be worth it. She would look back to this plan and be so grateful that she had gone through with it. Even if it was not always the easiest thing to do.
She was in too deep, she could not stop now, which meant she would be attending her date to the theatre, no matter what her parents said.
