Page 53 of Code Name Duchess
“How is she today?” Seth asked as he walked next to Mary toward the garden. A week had passed since the news of their siblings’ deaths devastated their world. Seth had taken it upon himself to take care of the business, as well as Leo’s estate.
“About the same, Your Grace. She finally had a little breakfast, which is more than can be said for Miss Victoria. Poor Hester has been struggling all week to get the girl to eat or even to leave her bed.” Mary shook her head as she led him out into the garden.
“I wish I could say time will heal the wounds, but I know from personal experience that sometimes it does not.”
The maid flashed him a sad smile and nodded before returning to the house. She, like so many of their servants, wore black. Her face wore the obvious signs of grief—sunken, red eyes, a pale, tired appearance—it was a sight that greeted Seth in both his home and Winnifred’s.
He remained standing on the steps leading into the garden for a moment, his eyes lingering on Winnifred, who was seated on a blanket next to a little wooden house in which the outline of several kittens was visible.
Her black and white cat, Bell, sat in Winnie’s lap, and she gently stroked the feline’s fur.
He made his way toward her, careful so as not to startle her or her cat. When he almost reached her blanket, she looked up. It was immediately evident that she spent the night crying. Her eyes were red, and the black circles under them had only deepened. He knew that he looked much the same. However, he’d given up looking in the mirror several days ago. The sight staring back at him was too haunted.
The young man that looked at him from the confines of the mirror reminded him too much of his former self—the confused, angry man he’d been after David’s death.
How odd it was that he should be at the start of another three-month mourning period for a sibling. The memories of the last one remained vivid in his mind. With a shudder, he recalled his brother’s body wrapped in a mourning cloak and displayed in the drawing room so those who wished could pay their respects. He’d hoped to never have to go through such a thing again, but a year later, the ritual repeated itself at the passing of his mother, and then his father, a few years after.
And now, he wore black again—for Rose. He was dressed in black pantaloons, paired with a dark gray shirt, black waistcoat, and a matching black tailcoat. Likewise, Winnifred was clad in a black bombazine gown, black silk shawl, and a matching black bonnet and gloves. She raised one hand and waved it in his direction as he approached.
“May I?” He indicated the space beside her. When she nodded, he took his seat, and the cat jumped out of Winnifred’s lap and rushed away into the wooden house, where almost immediately the sounds of kittens meowing ensued.
“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to make her leave.”
“Such is the nature of a cat. How are you, Seth?”
He shook his head. “Miserable. I’ve passed another sleepless night. I cannot find any rest. Not well, knowing that somewhere out there, Rose’s…”
He looked off into the distance as he thought once more of this terrible situation, that had now become his life.
The day after Ezekiel’s arrest for his part in the deaths of Rose and Leo, Seth wrote to Elton again, requesting the macabre exchange he had first brought up in his letter—Leo and Rose’s earthly remains in exchange for whatever money Elton deemed necessary. It had been a week, and so far, there was no reply.
“I have waited day after day myself,” Winnifred said. Her tone was neutral—there was no emotion, not grief, not anger—nothing. For several days, she had spoken this way, as if losing Leo had made her simply numb inside. He had to confess, there was a part of him that was envious, as he seemed to feel every single emotion twice as strong as he usually did.
It is punishing, she helped me tear down these walls I built around me so that I might allow myself to feel again. So that I might allow myself to open up to people. Well, to her, anyhow. And now that my heart is open, I lose my sister. And the pain is immeasurable.
“What pains me most is the senseless causes for Rose’s death. She and Leo both died for absolutely nothing,” he declared.
“I know it. Because my uncle was greedy and Elton devious. And even Victoria… But we are not without blame. If I had only involved Victoria sooner… Now she will not even speak. Not to me; she will not speak to anybody. She will not leave her chamber. I am terrified of what this will do to her. When we lost our parents, it was dreadful. But we had Leo. He was strong, and he pulled us through. And, of course, my sister was very close to my aunt, but Aunt Anna will not speak to us now either. Not that I would want her to.”
Seth took her hand in his as he had so many times this past week. “She will recover. Somehow, she will. As will we. But I cannot pretend that our world will ever be what it once was. Our mere existence has been fundamentally changed. But all we can do is carry on. That is what I learned after losing David...”
He paused for a moment. As he blinked and took in her delicate features, he couldn’t help but notice that her collarbone protruded more than just days ago. The sharp bone on her wrist stood out, and her slender fingers were even thinner than usual.
The only sensation that superseded his grief was the desire to protect her.
“Winnie, I want you to know that everything I said to you about how you have held a place in my heart for so many years, I meant. And I know this is not the time to make such proclamations, but you mean so much to me. Without you, I would not have a reason to get up in the morning. You give me strength. And all I want right now to be here for you, to help you.”
She wrapped her hand around his forearm and gently ran her fingers along the soft skin of his inner arm.
“You do, Seth, you do. I wish we had gotten to know one another better before all of this. I wish I had not made such assumptions about you.”
“And I wish I had not been so determined to keep you at a distance. Not just you, but everybody.”
“I am grateful that you no longer feel that way.”
Their eyes met, and for a wonderful, light instant they were lost in each other. These were the moments that Seth lived for right now. The moments he could spend with Winnifred. And even though neither of them had declared the depth of their feeling, it was clear to him that she wasthe one. In her presence, he felt the weight of his loss lift, even if just for one short second.
For the past week, he had come to call on her almost every day. He’d arrive in the morning, stay throughout the day, each soaking up the other’s presence for comfort. Often, they would do nothing but sit out here in the garden, or in the library, each lost in a book. He attempted to get her to eat, but to no avail, and once every afternoon, both of them would venture into Victoria’s chamber to call on the younger woman.
