Page 45 of The Secret Life of the Elusive Governess
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In one move, Moses had caged her face with his hands on either side and rested his forehead on hers. The sweet taste of sugar buns and tea was on her breath and he wondered if she was as sweet—or possibly sweeter—as either of those confections. This close her lips were a breath away, but he did not dare touch them.
“Caroline, I am sorely tempted to kiss you. It is killing me, but I cannot do it,” he whispered instead, “I yearn to taste your lips and peel away the innocence of you not knowing a man’s touch, but my oath of fidelity is taxing me.”
His hand moved from her face and slipped to her shoulders. One rested there while the other moved to her right hand. Taking it, he pressed it on his chest, “For the past two days I have ripped my mind apart and dug so deep into myself that I must have uprooted my soul. Feel that beat Caroline, feel my heart race with the pressure I am using to stop myself from kissing you. My control is hanging by a thread.”
Her full lips were trembling, and he bit back a groan when her tongue flitted out to wet them. “You are testing my strength, Caroline.”
“I cannot say that I had not hoped for this,” Caroline replied softly, “I have dreamed of it, day after day. But you are correct, this is not right. I will not be the one who takes a man from his wife or his children.”
She lightly grasped the Duke’s hands and pulled them away, “I would be an agent of the Devil, Moses. If you cannot find it bearable to have me around, I will gladly tender my resignation and leave.”
“No!” The word had left the Duke’s mouth before he had ever considered it, “No, for the sake of God, no. Please stay, if for the children’s sake than for me. I can settle with loving you from afar.”
A painful look crossed her face, “How far can we be if we live in the same house? We will get tired of the distance sooner or later.”
“I know,” the Duke admitted.
“We will start to yearn for each other,” Caroline added.
“I know,” he said while replacing his forehead on hers.
“We might destroy each other,” she finished in a tortured whisper.
“I know that, too…” the Duke’ eyes clenched tight, “God knows I know it, but it is a chance I am willing to take. A part of my sanity rests with you, Caroline, and I cannot bear to have you far from me. Living in unfilled hope is marginally better than living in torment.”
“Marginally,” Caroline sighed as her eyelashes fluttered, “Only marginally.”
Chapter 18
Relief. Freedom. Exuberance.
There were no words to express how Moses was feeling with the burdensome weight on his chest gone. The space the heavy emotion had occupied was now filled with a joy and a surge of energy the Duke had never known. His unsaid prayers had been answered—Caroline felt the same way he did. To know that her emotions mirrored his, was akin to a concentrated beacon decimating the darkness inside him.
Despite his joy, Moses was not going to act on his feelings and assassinate his pride and honor by taking Caroline as a mistress. At present, it was just enough for him to know he was not alone in this turbulent sea of emotions.
A part of Moses knew that this spate of unbridled joy would soon come to an end as the reality of his position—a married man—was unchanged, but Moses had decided to enjoy it for a long as it could last.
“Whoa, boy.” Moses caught himself on the wall of Pegasus’ stall as the horse was getting playful. The beautiful black horse danced out of reach with energy that he seemed to have contracted from its master. “By all that prancing I am assuming that you are ready for a run, eh?”
With the horse tacked up and saddled, Moses led him out into the sunny pastureland. Dressed in only a linen shirt, riding breeches, and boots, the Duke knew his informal appearance was shocking to some. There was no waistcoat and no cravat and to make it just a bit more scandalous, the first two clasps of his shirt were unbuttoned to show his chest.
The change in his dress had come with his newly found mental freedom. The uncertainty of his emotions and the bleakness of his situation that had held him in like a cage were gone. Now that the pen was gone, so was his desperate grip on strictness.
Swinging up into the saddle, Moses felt the soft breeze, the benign sunlight, the liberty in his heart, and smiled a true smile. Under him, Pegasus tossed his head in impatience and stomped a hoof.
Chuckling, Moses patted the horse between his ears, “Calm down, boy, your winged feet are about to fly.”
Directing the mount to a stretch of open pasture, Moses shortened thereins, lightened hisseat, and squeezed his legs. The horse went off like a bolt and sped, barely tamed, over the land. It was exhilarating. Charging over the land with abandon felt like he was leaving all his problems in the dust Pegasus kicked up behind him.
Reeling in the horse felt like sacrilege but the smooth pastureland was coming to an end and Moses did not want the mount barreling into the rocky ground that was beyond it. The trembling horseflesh under him showed Pegasus’ irritation, but snorting, Moses turned him the other way and let him loose again.
I think it is time I take Edward up on his offer to send you to stud. Your foals would sell for hundreds of pounds.
By the third trip, Moses found himself looking towards the schoolroom in hope Caroline would be there, but it was not until the fifth trip that he saw her.
Reeling in the mount, Moses allowed him to dance while looking at her. Clad in her de facto white blouse and black skirt, with her hands clasped before her, Moses imagined something else for her, something to carry off the color of her eyes. Smiling, he let the mount out for his last run.
