Page 29 of The Secret Life of the Elusive Governess
On an emotional level, Moses knew exactly why he was being so captivated by Caroline, but on a logical level, he did his best to avoid it.
But… think of her station—she is a governess. A governess to my two children.
He sighed.
Are my feelings towards her right? Are they sane? I am a married man, after all. My wife is my wife, I pledged my life and commitment to her.
The evening was drawing down to night and earlier in the day Caroline had journeyed to the town to get her own supplies and few things for the children. Moses had stood at an upper window on the second floor as she entered a small buggy that the servants could use and left the property with Mr. Collins as her driver.
The sun’s glint over her dark red hair burnished some strands into a soft brassy-copper tint. The image still danced behind his eyes to this moment—four hours after she had left. His wife had been caught up in another of her gothic novels and he had silently left to go to his study.
His steward had gotten in the early sales of the grain from the wheat fields and a had created a draft of a payment settlement for the miners. He only had to go over it, see if it was feasible, and then sanction it if it was doable. Mr. Reddington was known to turn in good work and after an analytical review, Moses had signed off on the payments.
Having no interest in leaving his study, Moses had put in a little more work in correlating the taxes, writing off some debts, and then thought of entertaining himself with a game of chess. However, the moment he had spotted the bishop, the memory of his game with Caroline had come up and he found himself revisiting his own emotions.
There must be a logical way of figuring this out!He groaned.Think, man, what it is about them?
Grabbing a sheet of paper and a quill, he wrote down every word that appeared in his mind when thinking of the two women.
Lavinia is beautiful, sophisticated, resigned, unaffected, but cutting at times. Moses tried to conjure anything more about her but felt stuck. Sighing, he thought of Caroline and the words sparked in his mind like flashes of light.
Caroline is serene, composed, mature, beautiful, witty, charming, caring, observant, patient, level-headed, sincere, candid, polite, and courteous.
He then pressed his hands to his eyes and grimaced,this is not good. Why is that I see much more in Caroline than my wife?
He tried to remember a single time when he felt pleased with Lavinia but could not recall one. It was expected, though, as their marriage was not one of the heart. However, when it came to Caroline when he remembered how she braved her fear of Pegasus, her shock at his request to be candid with him, and the soft blushes she had when he complimented her, his chest warmed.
A feeling which only pained him more.I am…
The memory of how she laughed, the concern and pain in her eyes when she admitted to being scared for him, drew him, and the delight he felt hearing her speak, and seeing her art, intrigued him. Moses could not remember the last time he felt intrigued.
God forgive me, but I am falling in love with her.
It was not an easy idea to contemplate as Moses felt he was being unfaithful to his wife. But then, was it wrong to allow himself some happiness in his long, monotonous, wearied, melancholy life? Was it wrong to find companionship with one who shared his interests and cared about him?
I feel as if I am damned either way.
“Your Grace?” Hinds’ voice said from the door, “My apologies for disturbing you, but Mrs. Willow is concerned that Miss Robins has not returned from her trip to the town.”
The Duke’s dark eyebrows furrowed, as his eyes darted to the clock in his study and noted it was after six o’clock and climbing to seven, “My God! She’s not back yet?”
“No, Your Grace.”
Standing hurriedly, Moses nodded his thanks to the butler and rushed out of his room. His new-found realization about how he felt towards Caroline spurred his feet and he found himself in the stables. The servants’ buggy was there but the driver was gone.
“Your Grace?” Oliver, the stable boy came around the building with his arms full of hay. “May I help you?”
“The driver for the servant’s buggy.” Moses asked, trying hard to not snap at the boy, “Where is he?”
Oliver’s eyebrows lifted, “He left, Your Grace, soon after he dropped Miss Robins off in the town. He came back as Her Grace had asked him to run some errands for her.”
“Where?” Moses asked tersely.
“In the town north of the dukedom, Your Grace,” Oliver replied while shifting uneasily on his feet.
Moses felt confused. If the coachman had gone to Camdonshire, a town not even five miles from the center of the main town of Barley, how had he not returned yet? Nevertheless, it was getting late and he needed to act.
“Saddle Pegasus, Oliver,” Moses said while spinning on his feet. “Have him ready by the time I come back.”
