Page 70 of The Secret Life of the Elusive Governess
The macabre memory of her father’s murder was in her mind just as fresh as it was the day it had happened. “I wanted to scream, but I cannot tell you how my throat just locked up and not a word came out. While my uncle was still holding my father, I managed to crawl out from under the desk and out of the room. I pried the door open but then my uncle saw me. I ran, right out of the house, into the garden, and hid under a bush. It began to rain but I did not move. I stayed there until the faintest spark of sunlight and then ran even more. I took the road to the village but…I kept to the bushes beside it in case he came riding down it. It was hard and just a few miles away my silk slippers gave way, but I still walked. I came upon a cottage where I saw a shift hanging on a line. It was a child’s dress, brown, and made of the roughest cloth but I took it and left my silk dress in exchange.”
The silence in the room was loaded with moroseness as Caroline reached the midpoint of her tale. “I walked for miles on bare tender feet. Strangers gave me bread and water in pity. I slept under the eaves of chicken coops, in old barns, and under trees. I remember seeing a church three villages away while my father and I had come back from London. He told me that was where the poor orphans and wards of the state were housed. By the time I got to the church, I felt an inch away from dying. I was so hungry, my feet had blisters the size of barnacles. I was cold and shivering, dirty and ragged, but I held on.”
“The nuns took me in and nursed me back to health. When I came back to myself, they asked me where I had come from. I told them the name Robins as I knew if they learned my real name I might be sent back to my murderous uncle. I fabricated a story of my parents dying years before and that I barely remembered them. Thank God, they didn’t ask me much more but took me in. Sister Helen, the young nun who found me, took a shine to me and gave me what she could.”
“Over the years she pushed me to work hard and I did. It was not only her but the drive within me. I read, I studied, and I placed myself at the feet of the nuns to learn from them what they didn’t usually teach the other orphans. Eventually, I became a governess by trade and then when the opportunity came to a take this position, I tendered my bid. I did not think I would be chosen as I was young but…I was and I have cherished the last two years dearly while keeping this secret inside me for over… sixteen years as I am now five-and-twenty. It pained me keeping my history from you but I swore to myself that if it got too much, I would leave.”
Caroline dared to look up, in fear of seeing castigation and vitriol in the Duke’s eyes but saw only deep, brimming compassion and amazement. Moses reached over and clasped her hand.
“You had wisdom beyond your years, Caroline,” Moses consoled, “I cannot imagine what you felt, as a child that young, with that horror plaguing you with every step. You must have looked over your shoulder a hundred times and feared the moments you allowed yourself to sleep.”
Numbly, Caroline nodded, “I was so alone…and it was only one night when I woke up screaming for my father, laying under the shelter of an old hut, that I realized I had no father to come running to soothe me. I realized that I had to go through the world alone.”
Clasping her free hand over his, her lips thinned, “But now I am found and I will present a danger to you and yours. You need to let me go, Moses. I must flee from here to keep you safe.”
The Duke’s eyes hardened just as his grip on her hands tightened. “You have been running your whole life, Caroline. I will not allow you to run anymore. This is the time when your fleeing stops and by my power, I will do all that I can to keep you safe. I will not lose you to distance or the machinations of a villain.”
“But, Moses, the danger I present. I cannot in good conscience make you a target for me. I must go. I must run.”
“And by doing so you will take my heart with you,” Moses replied, “Sweetheart, this cannot be solved by fleeing. If he found you here, he will find you many more times over. The only reconciliation is to stop fleeing and fight back.”
Sweetheart…he called me sweetheart.
Caroline blinked, “But how can that be? I have no way of retaliation.”
“Which is why I will fight for you while you are safely away,” Moses declared. “Let me do this for you, Caroline. Please let me put my mind at ease by securing you.”
While something inside her wanted to refuse, Caroline had to admit that his words made sense. “Very well.”
Reaching out, she framed her hands around the cup of tea, more for the warmth than anything else. “I am glad that it was only you whom I could confess to. Her Grace makes me… anxious. Speaking of, Moses, do you know of someone by the name of Sebastian?”
A soft furrow marked the Duke’s thick brow, “I cannot recall any, why do you ask?”
Caroline worried her lip for a moment, “While you were gone with Nicholas to the stables a man approached Her Grace, mentioning an event she had gone to years ago and then said, ‘Sebastian sends his regards.’”
The frown deepened before Moses shook it off. “My wife had many friends before I met her so whoever that is posts no significance to me. What does, is making sure you are protected. Tomorrow morning, we will leave to my lodge. It is a good distance from here as it is in Westhaven, so, please prepare yourself for travel.”
Looking up while her thoughts ran over, “I must say my goodbyes to Josephine and Nicholas first. I cannot leave without speaking to them.”
Moses’ head titled as a smile curled his lips, “They are like your own, are they not?”
“Yes,” Caroline replied, with an emphatic nod of her head, “I cannot think of leaving without seeing them.”
“And you will,” the Duke replied, “Please finish your tea and go and make preparations to leave. I will instruct a maid to carry your supper to your room.”
A soft blush warmed Caroline’s cheek, “I feel as if you are spoiling me.”
Her words earned her a deep, husky laugh, “My dear, if I was truly spoiling you, tea and supper wouldpalein comparison to what you would have received from me.”
His words only made her redden more as she stood and brushed her knuckles down his jaw, “Thank you, Moses.”
* * *
Watching Caroline go pained him but not as much as reflecting on what she had just told him about her former life. Suddenly sagging in his seat Moses ran a hand over his face.
My God, Caroline… if I had thought you were strong before… what can I call you now? To survive all that at such a young age…I shudder to even think of what you have left out of that narrative.
Her words haunted him.I slept under the eaves of chicken coops, in old barns and under trees… By the time I got to the church, I felt an inch away from dying. I was so hungry, my feet had blisters the size of barnacles, I was cold and shivering, dirty and ragged, but I held on.
