Page 69 of The Secret Life of the Elusive Governess
“Lavinia!” Moses snapped. “Please, not now.”
The Duchess sniffed delicately and turned away to fan herself as they drove off. The silence in the carriage was heavy and stifling and Caroline felt as if the very air was sucked out of her lungs. She even felt cold.
Then Josephine pressed herself into Caroline’s side and softly shocked, she turned to look at the little girl and smiled tenderly. Grasping her tiny hand, Caroline tried to tell herself it was going to be well with her. Moses would understand, he had to understand or she had no idea what she would do.
Please let him understand.
Her eyes were trained out the nearby window as the carriage came upon the manor house and rolled into the circular front drive. Caroline felt her breath catch in her chest. She was dreading explaining herself to both the Graces. Moses she could bear, but not the scornful, superior and judgmental gaze of the woman she knew hated her.
Moses alighted and helped the Duchess out of the vehicle, who instantly grasped her skirts, “I will be resting. Please do not disturb me. Get to the bottom of this, Moses.” Here the Duchess’ eyes pinned Caroline to her spot, “And take all the steps necessary to keep us safe.”
Her words, which really meant,Get rid of her if she will cause us harm,were not subtle in the least.
Inordinately, Caroline felt both relieved and anxious as she saw the lady leave. The Duke then called a nearby servant and directed her to see to the children.
“Yes, Your Grace.” She spoke with a curtsey.
To another servant, he said, “Tell Mrs. Willow to send a pot of tea to my study as soon as possible. Miss Robins, please follow me.”
Silently, Caroline shadowed the Duke to his study as the turmoil inside her grew greater with each step. Just inside, Moses closed the door and once again pulled her close. Nothing was said, as no words could frame the magnitude of Caroline’s misery.
Moses then softly pulled away and led her to a seat, the same seat of her chess and Cassino games.
Just as she sat, the door was knocked on and Moses went to liberate the tray of tea from the servant girl. He sat next to her, poured her a cup of tea, and pressed the china into her cold hands.
“Drink,” he ordered.
Obediently, Caroline sipped the fragrant tea and felt the coldness inside her lessen. She drank nearly half the cup before she had to speak.
“Before I begin my tale—”my terrible tale,Caroline mentally added, looking up at Moses, “I need to tell you that working here has given me the best two years of my life. And at the end of what I have to say, if you choose to dismiss me, I fully understand.”
The words were said in all truthfulness, as she was prepared to leave, but by the flash in Moses' eyes at the word ‘dismiss’, she didn't believe he was going to do anything of the sort. Caroline was tempted to smile.
Seeing his defiance made a measure of strength fill her. It was time to release all these demons inside her and make them known. The question was, could she do so without breaking apart? Nervously, she looked back at the cup in her hands while trying to frame the words.
“My name is not Caroline Robins. It is Caroline Elizabeth Russ and I am the daughter of Gregory Isiah Russ, the late Baron of Rowe. My mother died when I was young, so I barely knew her. All I know was that she was a beauty.”
She stopped, knowing that her revelation that she came from the peerage was shocking, but she didn't have the mental space to revel in it. She took the last sip of her tea, pushed the cup away from her, and sat back with her hands clasped on the table.
“I remember sleeping in a big bed with the softest cotton sheets. I wore dresses with lace and wore silk slippers. I'd eat delicate French pastries for breakfast and for dinner we'd have the finest beef or veal. My father always made sure I had a treat before bed, be it cakes, biscuits, or creamy milk.” Caroline paused to think.
“When my father wasn't busy, he'd take me on his knee and read to me. Stories of old heroes with a fearsome beast to be slain. He'd read Bible tales of warriors and kings. He read books on biology, astronomy, philosophy, and medicine. I knew that I would be a good governess because I carried his trait for learning. My life was good and would have been a wonderful one...if my Uncle Albion had not gotten jealous of my father.”
Caroline stopped and pressed her lips tightly, before parting them to sigh. “My uncle was the younger of my father by a year and he was reckless. He gambled, lied, inveigled, and bribed his way through life. When my father had to pay a great debt of his, my father got tired of it and Uncle Albion was struck from the estate's patronage and left practically destitute. He could eat and live in the Manor but nothing else was provided for him. Needless to say, he did not like being penniless and tried to get back into my father's good graces but was still cut off. He tried everything until one day...one day...”
She cut off, jerked her head to the side and bit down on her bottom lips as the painful memory surged. Her breaths were short and staccatoand just as she was on the verge of a breakdown, a warm, familiar hand was settled over hers.
Deep blue eyes blinked open to meet compassionate green. Somehow, someway, Caroline felt that he knew what she was hesitant to say and in the next moment, she was proven right.
“He killed your father, didn’t he?”
Numbly, Caroline nodded as the pain surged up again. Her eyes fluttered as she turned her palm up and allowed Moses to lace their fingers.
“It wasn't only that...” her voice had lowered to a whisper while the horrible scene, one that had survived the test of time, sprung up freshly. “I was in the room when he killed him. I saw it all.”
An icy shiver ran over her and she grimaced.
“That night, my father had called me into his study and while we were there, Uncle Albion came in. I was only nine years old. He was begging and pleading with my father to get back into the Estate’s good graces and before long they started to argue. I was hiding under my father’s desk and cowering when their voices got louder and louder. I… I happened to look around the edge of the desk when I saw my father. He had just turned away from my uncle and then…my uncle took a red-hot poker from the fireplace and ran it through his back.”
