Page 73 of Emerald Moon
What they felt for Cass came with comfort, not stress.Cass made them feel at ease and they’d labeled that as a new friendship without the difficult pining stage.But what if that’s what falling in love was like sometimes?What if it didn’t come with all the awkwardness?What if love could be like settling into the sofa with a good book after a hard day?What if it was like putting on a favorite sweatshirt after it’d been too hot to wear it for a while?What if, instead of being a strange feeling Jo didn’t know what to do with, love felt like coming home?
”I like you, Cass.I really, really like you.I might even love you, but that feels like a really big thing to say and I’m not ready.But I’m here.And I’m willing to jump into this with you and see where things go because I think they’d go somewhere really great.Everything with you is great.Awesome.Excellent.The best.Because you’re the best.”
Cass sat with their words for a few beats during which Jo got increasingly less confident about their word choices.As soon as they were about to open their mouth and keep explaining what they meant, Cass found her voice.
“So you’re ready to try this?To have a relationship?I just want to be sure this time because I’ve read things incorrectly before and I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for.I never have.It’s why I backed off after you made it clear you didn’t want me to kiss you in the tent.I never want to put you in a position where you’re uncomfortable.Because I’ve loved you in some way since I met you.I get these gut feelings about people, and I’m not usually wrong.With you, it’s like the world lit up when I first saw you, and once we got to spend time together it only got better.”
”I’m ready to have a relationship.With you, just to be super clear.My world is better since getting to know you, too.”
Cass’ smile grew.
”Wait, you’ve liked me since you first met me?”Jo asked.
”Does that freak you out?”
”No, honestly it doesn’t.I just can’t believe it.Why me?”
”Why not you?You’re the best, too.”
Jo wanted to deflect, but they let the words settle in their heart until their smile stretched so far their cheeks hurt.“Can I kiss you again?”
”You better.”
Jo laughed and Cass did, too.They kept bursting into giggles as they leaned in closer together.Jo’s eyes fluttered shut and they felt Cass’ breath on their skin right before they felt Dolly’s tail brush across their lips.Their eyes flew open.
”Dolly!We’re having a moment here!”
Cass pressed a kiss to the white cat’s head and grinned.“She didn’t want to miss out.”
Jo scooped up Dolly and placed her on the other side of the bed.They turned back to Cass.“Where were we?”
”Right about here.”Cass bent down, placing a hand at the nape of Jo’s neck and bringing their lips together.Jo gasped before easing into it, their eyes closing and lips parting.Cass was gentle but intentional in the way she moved, like everything about Jo was worth learning and remembering.
Even with flowers next to their bed and the memory of Cass’ lips pressed against their own still fresh, Jo wasn’t magically fixed by the power of love.Brains weren’t like that.But Jo tried to search for truth, like Wil had said.They tried to see how the flowers were evidence that Cass cared, that the empty iced coffee cups were evidence that Krista and Wil cared and not just a bunch of mess.Their brain tried to tell them that Jo was tricking everyone into liking them, but it was easier to ignore while they picked themselves back up and got ready to be a person again.
As the afternoon sun poured in through the curtains, Jo took care of Dolly’s needs first, got rid of the empty coffee cups, picked out clothes that made them happy, and took a shower.The shower after the worst of a depressive episode felt the best, like Jo could imagine those terrible thoughts washing down the drain.
Wil was in the room when they got out of the bathroom getting dressed and ready for something.Jo flopped down on the edge of their bed, grinning.“I’ve got news.”
”Is it about Cass?”
”Yes.”
”Is it what I think it is?”
“Probably.”
Wil grabbed a cardigan from her closet, slung it over her arm, then turned around.”I bet some congratulations are in order.”
”Thank you!Yes.It happened.We said nice words at each other’s faces and then we tried to kiss, and Dolly ruined it, but then we kissed for real and no one got confused or had hurt feelings afterwards.It was just nice.”
”I’m happy for you, truly.You deserve good things in your life.”
”I know, I know.And it’s going to likely take me decades to learn that lesson, but I’m trying.It’s not always going to be easy with the way my brain is, but who knows?Maybe I’m just on the wrong meds and something better is out there for me that I need to talk to my doctor about.And maybe having Cass around will make it easier not to listen to those nasty things my brain says.And maybe I’ll just keep growing and getting better and I won’t have such an awful opinion of myself.”
”It’s wonderful to grow, but you know — somewhere in there you know — you’re already the best version of yourself.”
”Thanks, Wil.I mean it.”
