Page 21 of Emerald Moon
Jofeltliketheywere moving through sludge on the path down to Violet Moon.The past few days had gone by in a blur of being busy at the bakery, sleeping on the couch after work, and going to bed earlier than usual without reading anything.
When they felt like this, they ran an internal systems check to see if everything was functioning correctly and if they were just in a funk or if this was a touch of a depressive episode.That morning, they’d decided that while their confidence hadn’t taken a hit yet, they were running low on motivation to do anything they enjoyed, their mind felt foggy, their body was heavy, and staying awake was a chore.Taking a shower and brushing their hair had been tossed out the window so they could focus on using what little energy they had to do what they needed to do.
Jo had no idea how, after all these years, these episodes still snuck up on them.They knew what to look for!Yet they never felt prepared for any of them.Maybe it was impossible to be ready.
The one upside the past few days had been texting with Cass.Apparently Krista had informed her that calling in reply to a text wasn’t always the best thing to do, and they’d been texting throughout the day and into the night.There was also the fact that Cass had suggested they start a shared playlist so she could listen to more Dolly Parton and Jo could hear more of what Cass was into.
They were texting about it as Jo walked to the bakery.
What was the one Dolly song about the coat?
Coat of Many Colors!
Oh that song rips my heart out in the best way
It makes me wish my family was better ha
Adding it to the playlist now!What are you adding?
Some Dvorák.Actually his entire American Quartet.
I listened to it once while driving through the Midwest and it was an experience.
I’m also adding some Japanese rock Krista introduced me to, too.
And some Tegan and Sara.Actually, a lot, but I’m holding myself back.I’ve seen them in concert three times.I wish it was more.
You’ve probably already heard it all.
Add away!
Even if I’ve heard it, I’ll love it
The more, the merrier!
The exclamation points were a lie.Nothing about Jo felt like exclaiming at the moment, and nothing about them felt like having a shift at the bakery either.They knew that they could explain that they were feeling awful and someone in the pack would cover for them, but it wasn’t like Jo was sick.This was just what happened.Jo had highs.Jo had lows.This was a low.Knowing it was happening didn’t make it any less bad, and there was no concoction of vitamins or exercise that would magically make everything better, no matter how many well-intentioned, but ultimately very annoying people might have told them so in the past.Medicine had absolutely helped — Jo would never willingly go back to how they were before — but it didn’t cure everything.
No, Jo just had to get through it.They’d sleep and stare into space instead of reading because they couldn’t focus, and one day they’d wake up a little better, then the next day a little better than that, and then they’d be back.
As they approached the bakery, they slowed, looking for Dolly.It was hot in the mid-afternoon sun, and Jo didn’t see her.They hoped she’d found a cool spot to lie down for a little while.Making a mental note to refill her water, they cracked open the back door.
They grabbed their clean apron from a hook by the door and dragged themselves over to their station where some strawberries were waiting for them.
Emmaline glanced up from her work.“Hey there, Jo.”
“Hey.”
She looked them up and down.“Have you eaten yet today?”
Jo’s eyes wandered to the left as they thought.
“Took too long, so the answer must be no.Go grab something out of the cases out front before you get started.”
“I’m alright.Promise.”Jo smiled physically, but didn’t feel it any other way.
“Nothing a slightly-stale hand pie can’t make better.”She made a shooing motion with her hands.“Scoot, scoot.”
Jo shuffled their feet through the swinging doors to the front.The noise hit them first.Jo had used to work out front — even enjoyed it at times — but now they couldn’t stand it, especially when they felt like they were floating outside of reality, untethered to anything real.
