Page 79 of Love on the Vine
Somehow, I made it through the next hour without having a breakdown. I still couldn’t bring myself to look at Jake. Every time I did it was like a dagger in the heart. And I was too afraid I’d give something away.
“How about we take you to dinner tonight, Jake?” Dad suggested.
“You sure you don’t want to go yourselves to catch up among family?” Jake asked. He would have preferred to hide out in his cellar for the rest of the evening no doubt.
“Ah, come on, man. You’re like family after all these years. I’d like to thank you for watching over my little girl.” Dad slapped him on the back, and Jake met my gaze with a pained expression. God this was awful. The last thing I wanted was to sit through a miserable dinner, pretending to be happy. “And where’s that other employee of yours? Let’s invite him too.”
“Jin isn’t here. He had to go back to Shanghai for a work emergency,” Jake explained.
“So it’s just been the two of you in this big house?” Dad turned his sharp gaze to me.
“Well, there were also clients from Asia and some other colleagues of Jake’s from time to time,” I said quickly. “Callie even came down one weekend.”
That seemed to appease my dad. “You don’t say.”
We ended up at one of the busier restaurants on the coast. Dinner was interminable. Dad spent most of it recounting stories from the neighborhood when he and Jake were kids. He seemed to think it was hilarious that Jake was always trailing around after him and his friends, waiting to be asked to join the family for dinner. It just made me sad. He was always alone even then.
Just a few days ago I would have been grateful for these additional pieces to the Jake puzzle, but I knew now that I’d never get to the heart of him because he wouldn’t let me. He was holding on to those last, essential pieces of himself and he had no intention of ever sharing them with me.
The realization hit me like a bucket of ice-cold water, and I shivered.
Toward the end of dinner, Dad brought up their plan of surprising Levi with a visit. “Liv, we were hoping that you might want to come with us. That is, if Jake here can spare you.”
“Of course. She should go with you,” Jake answered, and my eyes darted to him.
I started to protest, but then stopped myself. What was the use? I couldn’t force him to see the truth—that this was real, and we could make something of it if he was just willing to try. The harder I pushed, the more he’d retreat.
“Yeah, I would like to go. In fact, I can leave tonight if that’s all right with Jake.” I glared at him, forcing him to meet my eyes.
For a minute I thought he might refuse as irritation flashed across his face, but then it was gone, replaced by complete indifference. “Sure.”
“Really?” asked Gran. “We don’t have to leave for another day or two, Liv. No need to rush.”
“No, it makes perfect sense. I don’t have much to pack,” I insisted, stabbing my spoon into mycrème caramel.
“Great!” Dad grinned. “Can’t wait to get you to ourselves again. Sorry, Jake, to steal her away like this.”
“It’s fine,” Jake mumbled into his glass.
On the way back to the house, I rode with my dad and Kirsten while Jake drove Gran and my delighted brothers in the Aston Martin. As we rolled into the gravel driveway, I closed my eyes and imagined Jake jumping out of the car with the engine still running and begging me not to go. I wanted him to argue with me, to insist I stay.
But when we got back, he just stood there like a statue.
I took my suitcase from the cottage and then, while the others were distracted in the living room, snuck up to Jake’s room and started throwing clothes into it, propelled by anger so I wouldn’t have to face the grief that this was ending. All of it. Early mornings at the market, cooking lessons with Chantal, afternoon pétanque competitions in the town square.
Wewere ending.
I’d never feel Jake’s warm, calloused hands skimming over me or the scratch of his scruff against my skin. I’d never again be able to lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat as I drifted off to sleep. If I thought about any of that, I wouldn’t have the strength to leave. My legs might grow roots and plant me in the ground.
If Jake thought that what we had wasn’t real, though, there was nothing I could do to convince him otherwise. I didn’t want to wait in vain for him to love me. It would end now or in a week. At least this way it ended on my terms.
Once I’d finished packing, I did a last sweep of the room and headed for the stairs. Jake was coming up just as I started to go down, his face half hidden in the shadows. He gripped my wrist and pressed me against the wall, and I couldn’t breathe as I waited for him to speak. I could see the struggle in him, and a little flame of hope flickered to life inside me.
“Are you really going to leave like this?” he asked.
“Not unless you stop me.”
His eyes burned into me as he lowered his mouth just inches from mine . . . and then he released me. “I won’t stop you.”
