Page 76 of Love on the Vine
“Work?” She let out a small laugh. “Okay. So I guess vacation is over?”
She continued toward me, not backing down. I admired her determination, even though I knew it was a lost cause. She deserved someone who was more open, who knew what the fuck he wanted, and didn’t retreat at the first sign of emotional vulnerability.
“I took the pill. You were right, I don’t want to take the risk. I couldn’t handle a baby right now. But someday I do want a family.”
I nodded. My throat was tight, and I couldn’t swallow properly. “I know you do.”
“And you don’t,” she said matter-of-factly. I didn’t agree and I didn’t correct her. Truth was I’d never really thought about it. Like most things that involved relationships and family, I found it impossible to imagine. But if I corrected her, it would give her hope.
I couldn’t very well tell her that the idea of having a baby with her hadn’t freaked me out. It was the possibility of knocking her life off course. Of disappointing her later when she realized she should have done that with another guy.
My silence hung over us and she moved closer. “I’m sorry I overreacted yesterday. It was irrational what I said, I know it . . .”
“No, Olivia.” I shook my head. “I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’m the one who overreacted. You were honest.That’s one of the things I admire most about you—your honesty.”
Her eyes glistened, and a single tear streaked down her face. I longed to kiss it away. But it was too late for that now. “Jake, I know these things don’t come naturally to you. But can’t we talk about us? About the future? Because I don’t want to leave here and never see you again. And I feel like . . .”
“Olivia, I can’t think about that right now.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
I walked over to the pool, stared into it, crushing down the wave of panic rising inside of me. I was afraid it would become a tsunami if I let myself lose control. “I don’t know how to do those things, okay? Any of it. Love, relationships, family. I don’t know how to do that.”
“That’s okay. It doesn’t have to be everything all at once.” She touched my arm, hopeful smile still tugging at the corner of her mouth.
This was not going as planned. I felt myself ready to lash out like a cornered animal.
“You do know that none of this is real, right?” I gestured to the two of us, to the house where we’d laughed together, cooked together, made love. I stared into her stricken face. “Do you think I’m always going to be available to drive you around, to fuck you in every position in every room of this house? This is not real life. It was always going to be temporary.”
In the silence that followed, my harsh words hung in the air, stunning even me. I heard my father’s voice in them, and it made me sick; still, I didn’t take them back.
“It was real to me!” Her voice shook, and her face had gone from stricken to enraged.
“I’m sorry that you misinterpreted things.” My voice sounded hollow even to myself.
We stared at each other, and in that heavy silence my mind was numb, and so was my body, like someone had injected me with anesthesia. Then with a small sob she spun away and ran back to the cottage.
“Fuck,” I cursed under my breath, bringing my hand down on the metal table with a loud, reverberating thud.
I was going to go after her. I was going to . . .
The front gate bell rang in three staccato beats, stopping me in my tracks. I cursed again and stalked off, my feet digging hard against the gravel, to see who the hell was at my door.
As I got closer, I slowed down as a woman’s voice floated over the grill. “Are you sure this is the right address?”
“Yes, the old man at the café said it’s here,” a man responded.
American accents. Familiar voices.
Dread filled my stomach, even before I opened the gate.
* * *
“Surprise!”
My feet rooted to the ground and my brain short-circuiting, I stared silently at Olivia’s family. Ben stood there in a white polo and cargo shorts, a huge grin on his round face. Behind him, Kirsten smiled nervously beneath her large sunglasses, and the twins sulked, staring at the ground with their hands stuffed in their pockets.
Seeing Ben after I had just spent the past few weeks balls deep in his daughter was like a kick in the gut. The rotten cherry on top of one of the shittiest days of my life.
