Page 55 of A Duke, a Virgin and a Baby
Then, he walked out of the room, leaving Anna lost in her thoughts.
She had thought he would hear and understand what she was saying clearly and had hoped that she could convince him to stay. But he seemed so intent on leaving her, and for some reason, it hurt a lot more than she could’ve predicted that it would. She felt overcome with a sense of inferiority, as though she had failed to keep his attention as his wife.
“Things had been going so well though…” she mused quietly.
When she had seen Julian attentively instruct his brother on how to hold Nicholas, she believed without a doubt that he would make a wonderful father. He was clearly fond of Nicholas, despite how strongly he argued that the child was a responsibility only the ones who bore him should handle.
But… why was he so determined to keep her at arm's length and deny himself of things that would give them both a sense of fulfillment?
Anna thought of how caring he had been towards her lately, how gentle all his touches were, and how sweet his words had been. And she had started to believe that perhaps he loved her as well.
The last thought caused her to go perfectly still. When had she begun to consider his affections as love? When did she start to think that it was a possibility for them?
Anna thought of the times she had wanted to talk with him, the times she had wished his touches lingered for a moment longer, and how her heart could never be calm in his presence. And suddenly, it was quite clear what had happened.
She had fallen in love with him, a man who had no desire to love her back.
Anna felt more devastated than she had been earlier, now that she understood just how deeply her feelings for him ran, and she couldn’t help but think that his offer had some merit to it.
“Perhaps I should accept it,” she whispered to herself, clutching to the sheets of her bed as tears filled her eyes and streamed down her face. “After all, that is the only part of himself he is willing to give.”
Julian had thought that his offer would have given Anna some peace of mind, but it seemed as though he had upset her even more.
The days that followed Seth’s visit found him strangely alone as Anna avoided him intently. He had assumed that he had imagined it at first, accepting all her excuses of exhaustion she had sent to him through a maid when she was absent at the dining hall for meals.
But then Julian noticed she was not in the places he could usually find her whenever he wished to catch a glimpse of her. Anna had gone nowhere near the garden, or the library, or even the sunroom that had the piano she loved to tinker with if she were in the mood.
Whenever he asked, he was told that,
“Her Grace is looking after Nicholas. He seems rather attached to her lately and won’t let anyone else feed him.”
Feeding, baths, and even naps now required all of Anna’s attention, much to Julian’s frustration.
Eventually, he’d had enough and went into the nursery to inquire about her well-being. Although the maids had assured him she was taking all her meals, he wanted to ensure that she wasn’t putting herself under pressure to bend to the child’s whims.
She was seated in the same rocking chair that she had been in when Seth came to see Nicholas, the little boy lying on his back on her lap, his hands in hers as he kicked his feet in the air happily.
Julian watched them for a moment, amazed not for the first time by how easily Anna had adapted to the motherhood role. She deserved to have a child of her own to dote on and adore, just as she had with Nicholas. Julian wanted to give her what she needed and more and he despised the fact that he knew therewas only so much he could do for her that didn’t require him to compromise his values.
“Do you need something, husband?”
Julian blinked, startled to attention by her sudden remark.
“No, I just… I only wanted to see you. And Nicholas. How are you? You both?”
Anna glanced up at him with a curious expression, then dropped her gaze back onto the child she was holding.
“Fine. We both are fine.”
“That’s good.” Julian cleared his throat.
Anna hummed, gently running her hand up and down Nicholas’ chest, smiling down at the boy before she began to undo the buttons of his shirt.
“Unless you needed something, Your Grace, I was just about to give Nicholas a bath, so —”
“I can help,” he said quickly. “If you do not mind my presence. And I thought we’d lost all the formalities between us, Anna.”
To his surprise, Anna simply shrugged.
