Page 58 of His Highland Duchess
It was early in the afternoon, the same day that Margaret’s family had arrived. Shortly after they had started playing a game – the game of Whit, it was called, a favorite of her brother’s – Catherine and Sampson had arrived. This had seen the game end as the great big family adjourned inside and sat themselves down at the dining room table, ready to eat a small lunch together.
The lunch had only just finished. Or rather, the drinks shared afterward had been. Lysander had retired after that to his studyto catch up on work, Sampson had joined him, Graham had set himself to exploring the estate with his younger sister, while Margaret’s parents had retired for a short nap before supper. This left Catherine and Margaret alone for the first time.
They removed themselves to Margaret’s bedroom, there to pick outfits and get ready for supper. And, of course, to gossip, as Margaret had sensed that this is what Catherine really wished to do.
“I understand why you told our parents what you did about how you and Lysander came to be,” Catherine began carefully. She was standing by the wardrobe, pretending to look through dresses, but her attention was turned completely to Margaret. “A smart move, I think, for if they learned the truth…” She grimaced.
“Which they will nae, if ye and Sampson can keep yer tongues in order.”
“Do not worry about us,” Catherine assured her. “Sampson knows how vital it is that the lie be believed. He is no dolt.”
“What then?” Margaret insisted. “Clearly, there is something ye wish to discuss.”
Catherine sighed and stepped away from the wardrobe. Her expression was one of worry and love, a sister who cared for her kin, wanting only what was best. “I cannot help but wonder how far the lie has been stretched.”
“Meaning?”
“The way the two of you have been acting toward each other. To my eyes, it looks real. I dare say that the two of you are in the throes of romance, happy and in love. No doubt, mother and father believe it. I just wish to know…” She sighed with guilt. “Is it a lie? Or are the two of you finally starting to find your way?”
It was a good question. In fact, it was a question that Margaret was grateful her sister had asked. Only she knew of the arrangement agreed upon between Margaret and Lysander, and thus she was the only person in the world whom Margaret could talk about such things to.A conversation I am desperate to have for I am going insane as I think and rethink everything.
Today was the proof of concept that Margaret needed. Could she and Lysander work together? Was there a future there? Did all of this feel real? Yes to it all, she had now decided, and where it was still some time before the Season ended and a decision needed to be made, she did not see why there was a need to wait.
I am falling for Lysander. I want this marriage to work. What is more, I know deep down in my soul that he feels that same way.Although if that was true, why was she still swamped with such feelings of worry and confusion?
Because this was the first time she had ever felt this way about anybody. The first time she had looked into her future, she had liked what she had seen. And she was terrified to lose it.
“It is nae a lie,” she said carefully, not wishing to overstate how she and the duke were feeling for one another. “As ye ken, we have agreed to try and make this marriage work. And so far…” She could not hide her smile. “So far, it is going well. Better than that.”
“Oh?”
“Ye saw us today…” Margaret worked through her feelings, voicing what she hoped to be true as she watched her sister for her reaction. “None of that was forced. Nor has it been this past week. Truly, we are as happy as we have ever been.”
“Well, that is good, isn’t it?” Catherine brightened as she spoke. “That is what you wished for.”
“It is.”
Catherine frowned. “Then why do you look so uncertain?”
“It is nae that I am uncertain,” Margaret assured her. “It is just that, as guid as everything has been so far, we have still nae discussed what it means. If, when this Season finishes, I will stay or go home.”
“But you want to stay?”
“I dae,” she said without hesitation, for it was the truth. “So much.”
“You just do not know what the duke wants?”
“It is nae even that I da nae ken what he wants.” She bit into her lip, thoughts tumbling like an avalanche down a mountainside. “I am certain that if he was asked right now, he would say he wants the same. I can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice when we speak.”
“And yet…”
“What if he changes his mind? Or worse, what if he is so damn stubborn that he refuses to admit how he feels? I know how much he cares for his daughters, and I would nae be surprised if he denies himself because of some misplaced idea that he needs to protect them.”
“Would he do that?”
“Honestly…” Margaret’s stomach sank at the thought. Above all else, she knew his daughters were what Lysander cared for the most. And if he suspected for even a second that he could not continue in this marriage and raise them as he wished, he would not hesitate to end things. “… I am nae sure.”
Was this conversation not supposed to make me feel better? Why does it feel as if it has had the opposite effect?Margaret could feel herself sinking, which her sister must have noticed because she swept across the room and took her by the hands.
