Page 15 of Devanté
CHAPTER FOUR
After a brutal week of classes, all I wanted to do was fall on my fucking face and watch TV for hours on end while I snacked. I wanted Devanté beside me while I did it. I missed him. We’d spoken off and on over the past few weeks but to be honest…I’d been avoiding him.
I’d been avoiding those galaxy sky eyes and the way they peeled back my layers and left me feeling exposed like he could see the way I wanted him. The way I shouldn’t have wanted him. Shame burned into my skin like flames.
I couldn’t stop letting that moment replay in my head when he tickled me. It was ordinary at first. It was something we’d done a million times. It excited me every time. Sending chills and shivers across my skin. That time was different though.
I felt him react. That time, we weren’t high school kids anymore. Hell, we weren’t kids anymore at all.
Devantédefinitelywasn’t a kid. Not with that fucking monster that grew hard and thick between our bodies when I was pressed against him and the wall. I’d been driving myself crazy wondering if I imagined it or not. Maybe it was something else. Maybe it was his phone.
You know damn well no phone feels like that…
I’d only been with two other guys. Both were mistakes but I knew what a hard dick felt like. What pressed into the softness of my ass was definitely a hard dick. It was more though. It was a removal of the veil in place between us.
It scared the fuck out of me. The thought of things shifting between me and my only best friend was terrifying. It painted me into a corner. What if it didn’t work? Where would that leave us? I couldn’t handle the thought of not having Devanté in my life. I’d rather pretend it never happened.
My phone snatched me away from my confusing thoughts. I pressed it to my ear once I saw Gabi’s name pop up. “You ready for tonight, Blakey?” Her voice was a deceiving smile. I’d learned over the past month that’s all Gabi was. A lie wrapped in pretty paper.
We weren’t friends. We weren’t anything. She was a tool in my toolbox and I planned to use her like that. When I got what I wanted, I’d cut her down to size the way I did everyone else who rubbed me the wrong way.
“Yeah. Can’t wait.” My smile was disingenuous too. We could both play that game. I still didn’t know what was in it for her and her flunkies though. Maybe they got off on thinking they were bossing me around. I didn’t know but I knew Gabi had to get something out of it too. That’s how things worked. Especially with people like her.
“Good. Be at the study hall on the east wing at seven.”
“Cool.” I ended the call because I hated talking to her for longer than I had to. She pulled my energy down. A part of me wanted to ask Devanté to come with me tonight but I’d been avoiding him and the air between us was weird. Plus, I had no idea if he was Gabi’s man now or not.
I didn’t even know if my best friend had a girlfriend because things had shifted and I was too scared to ask him. I was scared to hear the answer. It would pierce my heart if he said yes but…I had no claim to him.
Gabi called me back almost immediately after I hung up. I rolled my eyes when I answered her call. “You got off the phone before I could finish. Wear something…cute. I know that might be hard for you since you live in sweatshirts but find something.”
“Yeah, okay, Gabi. Anything else?” I tried not to sound as irritated as I was because she hated when I acted like I had a backbone. Boy, was she in for a rude fucking awakening.
“I think that’s it,” she chirped. That time she ended the call.
I hated the thought of calling my mother and asking her what to wear because I knew I’d have to deal with all the thinly veiled insults that dripped from her lips like weeds to my garden.
I sucked it up because the only other person I had to call was Devanté and I couldn’t have him in my space. Not yet. I didn’t know when I’d be able to look him in the eye again after feeling him pressed against me like that.
My throat tightened and my thighs pulsed, pushing waves of electricity to my clit. I rubbed my neck, dragging my fingertips down to my collarbones following the train of heat. It spun wildly spreading through my chest, tightening my nipples and turning my belly into mush and knots and so many fucking things.
I turned on my stereo and let Mint Condition singPretty Brown Eyeswhile I cleaned my apartment. I needed something else to chew on. Something else to occupy my mind. If I didn’t figure out something, thoughts of Devanté would grow vines and strangle my logic.
He was my best friend. Guys like him didn’t want girls like me. There was a reason we’d been friends for eleven years and nothing else.
But the way he reacted to being close to me…
I shook the thought from my head and pulled out the vacuum. I had to be imagining shit. Maybe he was thinking about Gabi. Nothing about these love handles and extra pudge below my navel could have excited him. I saw the girls Devanté dated in high school. They were Gabi’s. Not Blake’s. Never Blake’s. Always petite and beautiful. All bright and shiny.
I pushed the vacuum around on the carpet making aggressively impressive lines in front of the couch. Dad would be proud of those lines. I started to take a picture and send it to him.
After I vacuumed, I straightened my room and made the bed even though I’d done it when I woke up this morning. Anything to fill my head…for the love of God.
After hours spun by, I took a shower then called my mother to ask for her advice on what to wear. Maybe she’d be so happy I called her for fashion advice she’d forget to subtly insult me.
“I didn’t think I’d hear from you,” she said with a soft sigh.
“Why not? You’re my mother.”
