Page 12 of Devanté
My mind flashed pictures of the way Blake looked at me over the years and I began to recall the glint in her eye when she watched me play basketball on the blacktop in the summer. The way she would twist her lips to the side and play keep-away with my shirt when I was done.
I’d corner her against the chain-link fence on the far side of the court and threaten to wipe my sweat on her until she gave it back.
The energy that always cracked between us was thick but I thought it was just our connection. Our thing. That’s why Blake always felt special. There was a sparkle that existed between us. It was sharp and bright. It was something I couldn’t get from anyone else.
The way she looked at me. The way she smiled at me. The way she let her secrets out just for me. Maybe all these years it meant something deeper than friendship. Maybe she loved me too.
My stomach turned into a mass of steel knots at the thought of telling Blake my truth. Rejection loomed over me with a scythe and a hooded black robe. I swallowed back my nerves and stared into Blake’s pretty eyes.
“I don’t want to be her man, Blake. She knows it too. She can play stupid all fucking day but that girl knows I don’t want her.”
I want you…
She lifted her eyes to mine and I felt the charge between us again. Now that I’d identified her jealousy, it was harder to slap the label of friendship on the thing that sparkled between us.
Her eyes softened when I said I didn’t want Gabi. Understanding took the place of the heavy jealous scowl on her face a few moments ago. “You’re really doing this to meet her mom?” She asked.
“Swear to god,” I told her, holding a hand in the air while my Adam’s apple wobbled in my throat. It felt like I was pleading innocence to my girlfriend. “She already knows if I decided to be her man that it’s pretty much bullshit.” I reached out and took her hand in mine. “Plus, she knows who my number one girl is.” My smile was true and grew bigger the longer Blake let me hold her hand.
“Are you going to seriously do it, Devanté?” She pulled her hand back and looked at me, curiosity in her eyes.
“Probably, I mean…unless you don’t want me to.” I wet my lips, rolling them between my teeth. Nerves filled my chest cavity threatening to pour out of my throat. Blake was the only person on Earth who made me nervous. Normally, I was self-assured and didn’t have a problem saying what I had to say or doing what I had to do. Not around her. Around her, I was unsure about everything and nervous about being so close to her.
“Why should what I think matter?” She asked, laughing.
“Because…you’re my number one girl, Blake. You know that.”
“Not for the past two weeks I haven’t been.” She ate a piece of toast then stared at her plate for a while. “But you know what? I’m just your best friend. We’re practically brother and sister,” she said. I was a blow directly to everything I’d realized and uncovered. I could never look at her like she was my sister. The things I wanted to do to her wasn’t the shit you wanted to do to your sister.
“I can’t be mad at whoever you decide to be with. This would be your first real girlfriend in college. I don’t want it to change us and I see how that’s already possible after these past two weeks.” She put her fork down and looked at me. Fear flickered in her eyes, hiding behind the golden flecks in her irises.
“Nothing is going to change between us, Blake.”
“I’ll take your word for it.” Why the hell was this moment so electrified and heavy? Erykah Badu’s haunting voice played through the speakers singingFour Leaf Cloveras the playlist moved from one song to another.
“Don’t change who you are while you’re getting what you want, Devanté. That would be tragic. You’re such a rare kind of man.”
Words filled my mouth like taffy, sticking to my teeth and tongue but refusing to come out. I wanted to tell her that Gabi meant less than nothing because she didn’t occupy space in my head and heart the way Blake did. I was a helpless slave to my fear though.
“Nah, never that. This is going to be over quicker than Gabi realizes. Once I meet with her mother and everything is good, I’m going to look for a clean break and I’m out of there.” I smiled at her but nothing felt happy between us. She nodded then finished her breakfast.
“Hey, you make any extra?” I asked, grabbing her hand when she walked by me. “You know I can’t come over here without my breakfast. I’m a growing boy.”
“Shut the hell up. You’re like six-three, Devanté. You’re done growing.” I stood up and smoothed the hair on top of her head. It was a moment ripe for a kiss. She was so close to me I smelled the syrup on her breath.
“So, is that a no? You didn’t make me anything?”
“No, I didn’t make you anything,” she laughed, shoving me but not hard enough to break our proximity apart. “I haven’t seen or heard from you in weeks. I’m not wasting food on a ghost.”
“A ghost? Damn. Is it like that?”
“Yes, asshole.”
“Oh my god. I forgot what a fucking princess your ass is.” I poked her side pushing against her soft curves. A laugh hopped from her mouth and I pounced on it hungrily. I pulled her body against mine and dug my fingertips into her sides, marching up and down.
Bright pops of laughter glittered through the air with the backdrop of Aaliyah’s smooth voice. She stumbled against the wall, flattening against it while she begged me to stop tickling her. I couldn’t though. It was the only way I’d get to touch her. The only way I’d see her face this close up without seeming like a creep for staring.
I got to lose myself in the curve of her lips and the rise of her cheeks. I got to swim in the warmth of her laughter and steep in the salty laugh-provoked tears rolling down her face. When she jerked this way and that way, trying to break free from my tickling tyranny, she brushed against my dick more than several times. It thickened when she tried to turn and run but ended up pressing her chest against the wall and pushing her full ass against my crotch.
