Page 92 of Whiskey and Regret
Why the fuck are you spilling your guts like that?
I heard the voice in my head shouting at me like I was an idiot. I couldn’t argue. I was pouring myself out for Evander to examine. What if he didn’t like what he saw?
“So you mean to tell me the spitfire, the brat, the badass…it’s all a façade?”
“Not all of it. It’s just easier to be that girl than to be the vulnerable, scared, uncertain girl. Everyone sees how well I play the harp and the fact that I’m academically smart and forget that I’m still a human. I’m still a fuck up. It was easier to hide when my parents were footing the bill for everything.” Truth lobbed out of my mouth, scorching my tongue, and making me face my regrets.
“You’re not a fuck up, Xari. You have life lessons to learn like everyone else.”
“Yeah, but everyone else seems to catch on. Normal is a struggle for me. When I talk to you about things like budgets and bills and all that other annoying adult stuff, I don’t feel like a fuck up. You helped me figure out what being responsible means.”
Something shifted between us and it felt heavy. It felt like the kind of thing that could anchor me to the earth if gravity were to give up on us.
“I’m glad. I can see the growth in you, Xari. It makes me proud. You’re not the same woman I hired at first.”
“I’m trying. Now I see how fucking hard it is just to survive.”
“Even when you know how to survive, it’s not easy.”
“You seem to be doing pretty well,” I remarked.
“Because I’m doing what my father wants me to do.” I felt regret in the air like the resonating strike of a chord. “The minute I decide to jump out there on my own, I’m sure he’ll all but disown me.”
“So he’ll cut you off? Been there. Done that,” I groaned, rolling my eyes.
“He can’t cut me off. I made all my own money. My name got me into the senate, but my hard work earned me every dollar I have. I was a lawyer for a while before I became a senator and I did pretty well for myself. I made it a point not to take Dad’s money. He offered. I didn’t want any.”
“I have no idea what that’s like. If my parents offered, I took.” Saying it out loud made me feel like a shitty daughter.
“You’re high maintenance. I’m not shocked,” Evander chuckled.
“You just called me spoiled in a nice way, huh?”
“Gotta get my jabs in.” He poked my stomach and I laughed. After the sound died down, I reached up to touch the side of his face.
There was thatthingagain. That warm fluttery feeling in my chest. It was spreading. Now I felt it in my stomach, spiraling like an out of control melody with no end in sight.
Evander shut his eyes and leaned in. I felt his warmth on my skin. I felt his depth and hesitation too. Somehow, after all the sex we’d had, and as many times as I’d swallowed his cum, this moment…The one shrouded in silence and unknown emotions…was more intimate.
He pressed a single soft kiss to my forehead and I let out a pent up breath, deflating my lungs. That forehead kiss was eye-opening. My eyes might have been closed but my third eye was wide open.
“You’re definitely a flame,” Evander sighed. “Iwantyou to burn me up, Xari. Don’t stop being you.”
“I won’t. Promise me you’ll always be yourself too. The real you.”
“I can do that.”
“Can you leave the senate and become who you were meant to be?” I asked with a smile.
“Nah…I can’t do that, beautiful.” He stroked my jawline slowly.
“You can. You’re just scared.”
“I’m not an author. I’m a writer. I do it as a hobby.”
“You’re amazing. You have a way of making everything seem so simple even when it’s not. You put the same spirit into your writing.”
“You’re saying that because you like the way I fuck you,” he joked, squeezing my ass.
