Page 76 of Whiskey and Regret
“Disagree. But you know what? I’m not going to push. I’m not pushy.”
“Have you met yourself?” I raised her hand to my lips and kissed her inner wrist. “You’re the pushiest woman I’ve ever seen.”
“Lies.” She smiled a little. “Since you’re choosing to dismiss my expert advice to live your fucking life…I’m demanding a copy of one of your books to read.” My face warped into a frown.
“What?”
“I want to read your shit, Freeman. Do you have paperbacks or are they all e-books?”
“Usually, only Apollo reads my stuff. I’ve never let anyone else read it.” My stomach knotted up. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was.
“Aww, Apollo is your BFF. Cute. I want to read too. If the page I read was any indication of your writing style, I think I’ll like it…a lot.” I mulled over the thought in my mind. I didn’t know if I could handle her eyes on my words.
I put so much of myself into my books that it would be like looking inside my brain. I lowered my gaze and shook my head. I couldn’t let her read my books. What if she didn’t get the story I was trying to convey? What if I wasn’t as good as she thought I was?
Shit…what if I wasn’t as good as I thoughtIwas?
“No, you don’t need to read my books. It’s just something I do as a hobby anyway.”
“Bullshit. If you could quit your job right now and write full-time for a living, you would. Wouldn’t you? Be honest.” Her challenging stare made me want to buck against her words and disagree for the sake of being a contrarian. Something with a stronger pull made me want to tell her the truth.
“Of course I would,” I folded under the pressure of the truth serum in her eyes. “That’s not an option though. Now, like I said, there’s no reason for you to read my books. Do you know how personal that is?”
“You can put your tongue deep in my pussy and fuck me relentlessly but you can’t let me read the words you wrote from your heart? You can’t get more personal than fucking.”
“You can. Fucking isn’t intimate. It’s carnal. Reading my words is an act of intimacy…at least it is for me.”
“You’ve heard me play the harp,” she countered, her voice pure and soft.
“You play the harp all day long though.”
“And you write all day. You heard me play something I’d never played before. You also made a request and I bared it all for you right there on the spot. I told you I’d never played that song. I was nervous about you hearing me if I messed up, but I did it anyway. You don’t think that was intimate as hell for me?”
I was rendered silent. She was right. I didn’t think about the fact that playing a new piece for her was intimate, leaving her vulnerable and unsure. She let me in enough to see her try something new.
I recalled the way she closed her eyes when she played and at first, I thought it was so she could concentrate on the notes. I never once thought it was because she was nervous or because it was something truly personal for her.
Shit.
“You’re right,” I said, with a sigh. “I can’t argue with the truth. I guess you always seem so confident that I didn’t think about you as being anything other than self-assured.”
“Just because I’m confident and I know my abilities doesn’t mean I don’t get nervous. Beyonce gets nervous and she’s the queen of the world.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not true,” I chuckled.
“Pipe down, Senator. I know my monarchy. So, since I proved you wrong, do I get to read something you’ve written?” She bounced up on the balls of her toes and her tits jiggled beneath the cotton of her pajamas.
“I’ll send it to you,” I said, letting my shoulders fall. She clapped her hands together and squeaked before jumping into my arms. I grabbed her because I already anticipated there would be hopping. I was right.
Xari and I spent the rest of the evening in the formal dining room. She practiced playing the harp and I wrote while her heavenly music was the background music. Listening to her gave me the inspiration I needed to start on another story. I should have been editing my finished book but the characters in my head were too loud to ignore.
Both of us stayed up so damn late that by the time we got upstairs, it felt like we only had enough energy to go to bed. Xari stood in the doorway of my bedroom staring up at me with big, sleepy eyes.
“Goodnight, Evander.” She tugged on my shirt so that my lips were a breath away from hers. I smelled her sweet lip gloss and couldn’t help going in for a kiss. The deeper our kiss got, the harder it was to tell her goodnight and watch as she went to her room.
She didn’t want to go either. Her hand slid down to my dick because she knew it would be hard for her. She was right.
“I know I’m supposed to go to bed but…I wanna fuck you so bad,” she whined.
