Page 93 of Capacity
I’d been there. I remembered staring at the empty space left behind when Hazel died. Hospice took back their hospital bed and got it ready for the next person who needed it and my life was left gaping.
“Her funeral is in a couple of days and I’d be honored if you came. I’ll be using some of the photos you took for the program and slide show and since you’ve gotten close to us, I feel it’s right for you to come. I understand if it’s too close to home for you.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m grateful that you asked me to come. Of course I’ll be there, Mr. Wells.”
“Call me Ron.” He inhaled and fixed his eyes to the blank space in his living room that I’m sure echoed the blank space in his heart. “I’m a part of a grief and transitioning group for spouses at the hospital and I’ve told all sixty-two members about your services. I’ve shown them examples of your work and handed out your information. Every single one of them wants to book a session with you. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Mind?” I let out a soft chuckle. “Mr. Wells…I mean Ron, you have no idea how huge that is.”
“It’s the least I could do. I look back at these pictures and…” he shook his head, composing himself. “I don’t know how I would have found the ability to smile if it weren’t for the love you captured between us.” He patted my back and stood. “I don’t want to keep you but I did want to look you in the eye and tell you what a good man you are, Knight Cunningham.”
A good man.
Me.
I was stunned silent. I’d spent the last two years thinking I was the dirt people found when they hit rock bottom. I thought I was the lowest of the low and beyond redemption. Hearing that I was a good man not only from Mr. Wells, but from Lumi and Terrence made me actually believe it.
The spiky feeling of self-doubt and loathing melted away, leaving behind self-love and acceptance. I wasn’t perfect but I was a good man and that’s all I ever wanted to be.
I thanked Mr. Wells and assured him that I’d be in attendance at his wife’s funeral. I didn’t tell him about the candid pictures I’d snapped of them because I wanted it to be a welcome surprise after he was done with one of the hardest day of his life. I decided right then that I’d offer the same courtesy to all my clients free of charge. After hearing I’d have an onslaught of business, I wanted to be ready. If I could wade through the pain of reliving my past through the Wells’ then I could take on other clients and do the same. I would continue to heal through my passion while helping others heal in the process. It was more than I could ask for.
I was turning into the man I thought was a figment of my imagination. I was living my life in honor of Hazel and I hoped she was proud.
…
CHAPTER 21
Summertime…
I couldn’t stop smiling. From the ceremony to the pictures outside with Zach in his cap and gown. I was so proud of him for graduating I could’ve popped in a shower of confetti. I knew Knight was proud too but he had to tend to all of the students and not just Zach.
I let him have his moment with the handful of classmates he’d gotten close to but when we were alone afterward at Coco’s house, I pulled him to the side. The smile in his soft brown eyes let me know he expected me to be mushy. He was right. I touched the side of his face and smiled.
“I’m so proud of you, Zach. I’m serious. I see you brushing it off already but I’m not gonna allow you to brush off how far you’ve come. You could have never reached out to me. You could have stayed right where you were but you didn’t. Now, you’re light years away from that quiet kid who came to my office every day to wait out homeroom, lying about having a headache.”
He cracked a bashful smile then pulled me in for a hug. “But you played a huge part in that, Lumi. You were down for me from the beginning. There aren’t a lot of adults out there like you. Most of them don’t care but you do. I sensed that. Thank you for stepping up and being a mom when I needed one.”
“Yo, come on Zach. Let’s go before there’s nowhere to park at the party.” Luke bounced around the corner wearing the rightfully giddy smile of a kid who just graduated high school. He was going to a party with a bunch of other seniors and even though I was nervous about letting Zach go, I did. I wanted him to make memories and have fun. I wanted him to experience living after being stained by death.
He looked at me and smiled before kissing my forehead. “I’ll text you, I promise,” he said walking toward the door. I waved and waited until he got into the car with Luke before I turned to Coco and let the tears out.
“Aww, Lumi,” she chuckled but she had tears in her eyes too. “I know you didn’t raise him but it’s emotional seeing a kid growing up, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is.” I squeezed her hand once we broke our embrace and watched Luke’s car pull off. “He thanked me for being a mom when he didn’t have one,” I sniffed, moving to the couch.
“Oh god, I’d be crying too.”
“I never thought of myself as even a stand-in mom for him. I just wanted to help. I wanted him to feel like he had someone in his corner.”
“That’s what moms do. We help. We stand by quietly, well…sometimes not so quietly and we cheer them on. That’s what you did for Zach. I know Kaiden isn’t here anymore but you’re still a mom, Lumi. Nothing is going to change that.”
I wiped my eyes and thanked her. It meant a lot to hear her say that. Even though I didn’t have my own child to mother, it didn’t stop my motherly love from shining through. I was okay with not having kids after Kaiden because I knew I’d always be faced with chances to help kids through working at Lakeview.
“Ooh girl, Knight is calling. Is it time for us to head over to his place already?” She checked her watch and I picked up the phone before it stopped ringing. Me, Coco, Andrew, Mom, Terrence and Knight were all meeting at his house to celebrate graduation and life in general. We had so much to be grateful for that it seemed right to use Zach’s graduation as a celebration for all of it.
“Hey, Knight,” I smiled into the phone.
“Hey, where are you guys? Terrance is here and your mother just walked through the door. How in the hell do you let your own mother beat you here?”
