Page 73 of Capacity
“He hasn’t told me he loves me,” I said.
“Okay but heactslike he loves you and we all know that’s more important.”
I shuffled through every day with Knight that would come to the forefront of my mind and holy shit…Coco was right. He loved me too.
“I can’t say it first,” I blurted, shaking my head.
“Say it while you’re fucking. Makes it easy. Then if he doesn’t want to admit he loves you too, you can blame it on the heat of the moment. Boom. Problem solved.”
“I’m not listening to you now,” I laughed. “You had me there in the first half though.”
“What? It’s a sound decision.”
“I think I’m going to put all these feelings on the back burner until I get back from Texas.” I pushed my fingers through my hair.
“You know I’ll go with you, right?” She narrowed her concerned eyes.
“I know, Coco. I don’t want anyone going with me. I wouldn’t mind my mom but I know she’s gonna be out of town next week. I think it’s meant for me to do this alone. Last year everyone came with me and we all laid flowers at his grave and it was beautiful but this year…I need to go by myself.”
Coco nodded her understanding.
“I can’t be mad at that. Please keep a clear head, Lumi.”
“I’ll try,” I told her honestly. That’s all I could do. I didn’t know if the shrunken blackness inside me would expand and swallow me whole once I was alone in front of Kaiden’s grave or if I’d survive. Either way, nothing was stopping me from wishing my baby a happy birthday.
…
CHAPTER 17
Lumi’s soft hand slid along my back, snatching me from my deep well of thoughts and pushing me back into the present. Her skin on mine always produced electricity. It charged the air with a distinct energy. I was addicted to that feeling. It could rouse me from the deepest sleep.
“Hey,” she said with sleep twisted into her voice. “What are you thinking about?” I looked over my shoulder at her and pulled her hand to my lips.
“Going to the Wells’ house today. Mr. Wells had a few photos he wanted me to reshoot.”
“Oh, is that today?” She yawned and sat up in bed. My eyes fell to her naked tits and the coco brown nipples hardening in the cool air. My hand instinctively went to them, touching and squeezing.
“It is. I don’t know if I can do it,” I confessed.
Lumi slid closer to me then she climbed in my lap and peered down at me. Long tendrils of rebellious hair slipped from her silk scarf and tumbled onto my chest. I smelled the clean scent of soap on her skin and I couldn’t help leaning in to press a soft kiss to her collarbones.
“Look at me, Knight.” The tips of her fingers slid through my hair, grazing my scalp. “I know it feels like you’re not strong enough to look this in the face but you are. You put yourself here for a reason. You wanted to help people and that’s one of the noblest things you can do in life. You’re doing it on purpose and it’s beautiful.
God doesn’t make mistakes. He put the Wells in your path to show you how far you’ve come and all the pain you’ve walked through. Even if it hurts, you can do it. They need what you’re offering.”
I looked into those glittering emerald and honey eyes wondering if she knew she inspired me to help people and to be kinder. She was the light that illuminated that path for me because I watched how selflessly she gave.
Lumi was the light.
I slid my hands up and down her ass, gripping as I went along. I still had trouble grappling with the fact that I deserved a woman like this. A fucking angel in the flesh. She was perfection.
“I know everything you’re saying is true. I know it. I wanted to start this business to give couples experiencing terminal illness comfort and memories that would last a lifetime. I just didn’t think about how tough it would be looking at my life through their lives.”
Lumi kissed my forehead, then my temples, and the space between my brows. God, the emotion she put into every gentle kiss shook me to my core. Was I losing my shit or did this woman really love me?
Everything inside of me wanted to spill out and tell her that I’d fallen in love with her. Something held me back though. Something barbed and tight.
Hazel’s face flashed in my mind and my heart sank a little. I was getting ready to freely give away love that used to belong to her. I pressed my lips shut and kept the declaration to myself while Lumi poured love into me.
