Page 22 of Capacity
“Now we know.” I went from stroking the silky skin on the back of her hand to holding her hand in mine. It felt so good.
“Now we know,” she repeated. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Knight.” It was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard. Her mouth saying my name.
“Goodnight, Lumi.” I raised her dainty hand to my lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.
Her face lit up with a smile. Afullsmile that stretched from one cheek to the other. The Mona Lisa was finally bathed in sunlight and she was fucking gorgeous.
I watched as she got into her car and drove off. I still sat there with some kind of hangover. Some feeling that nailed me to my spot like gravity. I didn’t move until a phone call from Terrance snapped me out of it.
“What’s up, bro? Happy one-month sobriety anniversary.”
“Thanks, T. I just got finished celebrating with a little froyo.”
“Wow. Don’t ever say froyo again. You want to get dinner? I wanted to help you celebrate but to be honest, Knight I’m feeling close to the line, man.”
“Let’s grab dinner then.” I knew the feeling he was talking about. When you got so close to crossing a dangerous line. So close to taking a drink and tossing shame to the wind. I’d been there before, standing in front of the bottle of whiskey I kept in my cabinet. I still couldn’t toss it out. I’d remain sober despite it.
Terrance and I grabbed dinner at a place without any alcohol on the menu.
Chick-fil-a.
“So, who’d you celebrate with?” Terrance asked.
“What makes you think I celebrated with someone?” I chuckled, reclining in my seat. The smooth feel of Ms. Foster’s—Lumi’s—skin was still on my lips. I knew her lips were even softer.
“You look happy. I know you’re not happy to be out with me at Chick-fil-a because I’m on the verge of having a drink.”
“I’m glad you called me though, T.”
“Yeah, me too now who’d you go out with?”
“You sure you don’t want to talk about what’s pushing you close to the line?” I quizzed before biting into my chicken sandwich.
“Later. What’s her name?” He lifted his dark brows and I saw the playful spark in his features.
“She’s just a friend.”
“A friend? Like Biz Markie,You Got What I Needkind of friend or Golden Girls thank you for being a friend?”
“What?” A laugh flew from me as I shook my head at him. “You need to work on your analogies, T. She’s a friend and a coworker. She’s the nurse at my school. Lumi Foster.” Her name held weight. It was a melody. A perfect snapshot of beauty. Even then, I pictured her smooth hazelnut skin and emerald-gold eyes and that fucking smile. Jesus Christ she was going to stretch me into a thin thread of confusion and lost composure.
“Doesn’t sound like just a friend. Sounds like you’re open as fuck.”
“Moving on,” I said, clapping my hands together and leaning forward. “What’s up with you, T? You’ve been strong for nearly a year. In a few months you get your chip. What’s bothering you?” I liked the friendship growing between us. It had been so long since I had a brotherly bond with anyone after Hazel died.
I cut all my old friends off and isolated myself because I got tired of being the friend who was always depressed. I got tired of bringing down the mood of the room because I couldn’t stop talking about Hazel’s last moments or her happy moments or any moment I stuff into a conversation. Anything to help me not feel numb and lost inside.
Eventually, I stopped calling people and they stopped inviting me out. Hazel’s friends faded into the background and went on with their lives like the world hadn’t lost a piece of the sun. I was the only one stuck in darkness.
Terrance understood though. He knew what the pain of losing your wife felt like and he knew the importance of friends who would listen no matter how many times you had to talk about her. I knew eventually, I’d stop rambling about her smile and the jokes we told. I knew one day she’d fade into the back of my mind in sepia tones.
Not today though. I wasn’t ready to put my mental photographs away yet. I hung them around the landscape of my psyche like wallpaper. Maybe it was torture. Maybe I needed to find something else to deem beautiful and pure.
Terrance let out a slow exhale then looked at the napkins in front of him. “One of the elderly clients I was working with died today. She was in a hoarding situation and her daughter set up a consultation with me. I started working with her a couple of months ago and I’d go there every day. We were making progress room by room and she was so happy, man.” He shook his head like the pain was too much.
“Damn,” I sighed. “That’s devastating, T.”
“Tell me about it. To see someone so happy about getting a fresh start, then they’re gone. Life is so fucking fragile.”
