Page 57 of Capacity
“You should always feel pretty, Lumi. I know Jacob put some fucked up things in your head but you’re beautiful.”
“Thank you.” My smile widened.
Our food came out along with another round of wine and we dug in. Conversation flowed a little better between us once I apologized and it was a relief. I couldn’t handle fighting with CocoandKnight at the same time. It was too much.
“Do you have any recommendations for therapists?” I finally asked once my food was gone and I was on my third glass of wine.
“Yup. Sure do. I’ll text you right now.” She pulled out her phone and sent me a text with a list of therapists in Lakeview.
“Did you have this list ready to go?” I laughed a little, the wine in my veins making me words come out easier.
“Maybe.” She shrugged her shoulders and grinned at me. “Tell me about this fight with Knight.” She tipped her wine glass up to her lips and eyed me.
“Ugh,” I groaned, tipping my head back. “He has this bottle of unopened liquor in his cabinet and he refused to pour it out. Said he could do it when he was ready but he didn’t see the point in doing it right then.”
Coco lifted an arched brow and dropped her chin. She already knew how alcoholics operated. So did I. That’s why Knight frustrated me so much. He was doing so well but he refused to see how holding on to that liquor was counterproductive.
“Classic I-can-quit-when-I-want-to mentality. Let me guess…he got all defensive and shut you down.”
“Told me he didn’t need me to tell him what to do and that I needed to back off. So, I left.” I rolled my eyes and crossed my legs under the table.
“You did the right thing, Lumi. Let him come to his own conclusions. You know it’s pointless arguing with an addict. They have to see things with their own eyes. They have to want recovery at least a little bit.”
“I know he wants it. He’s having a disconnect and I’m too close to him to open his eyes to it.”
She nodded her head and folded her arms loosely across herself. “So seeing him cling to his bad habits made you look in the mirror, huh?”
“Definitely. I know I do the same thing.” I looked down at the swirls in the shiny wooden table. “Letting go of depression is so fucking hard though. It’s my identity now.”
“You’re going to work through it and come out on the other side, Lumi. You’re so strong.” I saw nothing but truth shining in her eyes and it made my heart warm. “So is Mr. Cunningham,” she said stretching her eyes toward the front door. I turned in my seat to see a head of golden silk hair walk through the door. I turned shocked eyes to Coco.
“What the hell is he doing here?” I hiss-whispered.
“The fuck if I know, Lumi. He’syourman.” A small laugh escaped her then jumped over to me. I was buzzed from the wine and it was easy to make me laugh.
“I’ve been avoiding him all day,” I told Coco.
“At work? Yall are so childish,” she chuckled, shaking her head.
“I’m not talking to him until he faces some harsh truths about himself.” I turned to look at Knight again and saw him sit at the bar. “You think he saw me?”
“I doubt it,” she said, glancing at the bar where he was seated. “I’m sure he would have been over here in a heartbeat if he saw you.”
She was right. His attention was focused on the bartender. When the doors opened again, Terrance walked through, a heavy scowl tugging on his handsome face. He walked over to the bar and stood behind Knight until he noticed.
I swallowed my laughter but Coco didn’t. I was tired of being so upset all the time and I was already over arguing with Knight. I needed something to laugh at no matter how trivial and seeing Terrance stand behind Knight like an angry parent did it for me. Terrance said something to Knight and the two left the bar shortly after.
“He probably cursed him out for coming to the bar after the meeting,” I said watching the two men disappear out of the window.
“Rightfully so. Maybe Knight needs some time to grapple with his own demons. He’ll reach out when he’s ready,” Coco replied.
“I hope so. I’d hate for this to drive a wedge between us. Things are going so well.” I pressed my thighs together under the table while Coco watched me squirm.
“You fucked him, didn’t you?”
“Kind of,” I grinned.
“You don’t kind of fuck someone, Lumi. Either you did or you didn’t.”
