Page 23 of Capacity
“It is and it never stops being fragile. That’s why what we’re doing is so important. We’re proving there’s strength in fragility.” I paused for a minute and thought about Lumi’s silent strength. Losing a kid was unnatural and I knew she carried an immense amount of pain inside her but she was always the picture of peace and composure.
“We’ve gone through losing our wives, T. We’ve survived even though we lost our way a little. You can pull through this too. Why don’t you help her family clean the house out? You know they’ll need help with that.”
I watched a spark jump in his brown eyes as he regarded me. “I like that idea, Knight. Now that you mention it, I think I’ll add that on as a secret service I offer. If a client dies during the cleaning process, I’ll clean the house out for free.”
“That’s a great idea,” I smiled. It made me feel good to be able to help someone like Terrance who, in my mind, was so far ahead of me on the sobriety path.
“So let me put the spotlight back on you.” He donned a lopsided grin. “You gonna call Miss Lumi Foster when you get home?”
“Nah. She’s just a friend,” I said sternly, shaking my head.
A friend with a gorgeous smile and eyes that could pierce my armor with ease. A friend that I had an undeniable connection with. A friend who understood me.
She was just a friend.
…
CHAPTER 7
My feet were clouds as I moved around my living room. How did one little frozen yogurt celebration make me feel weightless? It wasn’t even a date. I was just celebrating something special with a friend. That was it.
Right?
My stomach tightened while I walked up the steps and made my way to the bedroom. I tossed my scrubs on the chair across from my bed then started my shower.
Mr. Cunningham was no more. He was Knight now. Well, he’d still be Mr. Cunningham during school hours but saying his name out loud tonight made me tingle. I was so damn deprived. I had to stop making mountains of molehills though. As fine as Knight was and as sweet and kind as he treated me every day, he wasn’t interested in anything but a friendship. Neither was I but it felt nice to indulge in thoughts of something else.
I barely felt the floor as I walked to the bathroom and climbed in the shower. I took my hair from its tight bun and let wavy black hair rain down my back. My mind replayed the way Knight kissed my hand before I got out and my throat threatened to close.
His lips were so warm and soft. It was a brief moment but it was welded into my brain. I still felt his kiss. I’d been so worried that he would see my scars but at the same time, I wanted his kiss to inch higher up my wrists. I wanted it to close over my mouth so I could feel his tongue against mine.
My thighs thrummed beneath the beating spray of the shower.
Lumi, what the hell is wrong with you? You’re fantasizing about your boss.
It didn’t stop my hand from traveling below my navel and between my thighs to massage my aching clit. I needed some kind of release. So many hungry emotions piled up inside my core that if I didn’t have an orgasm soon I would pop.
I braced my back against the slippery tiled wall and bit my bottom lip while I worked in tight circles around my clit. My mind played out fantasies that I knew would never happen but I couldn’t help thinking about them.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Knight’s mouth on me. I wanted to feel his warm breath tickle my pussy before he drowned in my wetness. I wanted to feel his hair glide through my fingers like silk while my back arched in response to his mouth.
I pinched my nipples then rolled them between my fingers while my hips rocked to the motion I created with my strokes. Hot water rolled down my body making me buzz and tingle. The sensation helped push me closer to the brink of a heart-stopping orgasm.
My muscles tightened beneath my skin turning to bricks as I massaged my clit faster. I saw his sapphire blue eyes in my mind. I saw desire smolder in them. Desire forme.
My spine curled forward and I came hard as shit. I came so hard I couldn’t find my voice to call out. I was only able to splay my free hand against the shower wall and tremble.
If I came that hard thinking about him, I wondered how it would feel if I actually fucked him. The thought made my needy body jolt again and I bit my bottom lip.
Nobody had to know Knight was my secret fantasy. I’d keep it to myself because I didn’t need Coco nudging me toward him when I knew damn well he wasn’t really attracted to me. He was being nice. We were friends.
I just hoped he wasn’t my friend because he pitied me. I didn’t get that vibe from him but I didn’t put anything past anyone. People showed you what they wanted you to see. Knight might have been showing me his palatable side.
I dragged my tired ass into bed after putting on my pajamas and let my head hit the pillow. My house wasn’t fully furnished the way I wanted yet but I had a real bed and a couch. The patio furniture was finally outside where it belonged and every week I picked up different appliances. It felt good not sleeping on that damn air mattress anymore.
I reached over to the nightstand where I kept a framed picture of Kaiden and two of his favorite Hot Wheels and clutched the picture close to my chest after kissing it. Even though I didn’t want to die anymore, I still felt the tremendous guilt of living life while my son didn’t have the same privilege. In some ways, it was worse than being suicidal.
…
