Page 11 of Capacity
I had albums of pictures I took during her battle with cancer. She never complained. She knew the pictures were just as much for me as they were for her. Photography was my therapy and Hazel was my answered prayer. I was sane and stable as long as she was alive for me to snap picture after picture.
Once she died…so did my passion.
I had no muse.
No love.
No Hazel.
I packed my camera away for good after she died. It would never see a subject angelic as Hazel again. Beauty still existed but it wasn’ther.
What about the beautiful woman from the bar?
My mind had a horrible habit of spitting out things at inconvenient times. I shoved those eyes out of my mind and tried to remember where I put my camera accessories.
Terrance’s words wiggled into my head. “Find a hobby or hustle to sink your time into…”
I ran my palms over my face and went to my bedroom. I found my camera bag in the closet and the accessories in a box under the bed. I took the Nikon D850 out and ran my fingers along its edges. A buzz settled into my bones as the urge to take pictures flickered to life inside me. It had been two years since I took a picture but it was time for me to find my passion again. It was the only clear way I could see out of the hole I’d dug for myself.
…
CHAPTER 5
“Guess what,” I sang into the phone. I wasn’t smiling but it was as close as I’d come in a long time.
“What?” I could see Coco’s eyes widening in my head. She had to take Luke to get a few things for homecoming so she wasn’t at my house like she wanted to be first thing in the morning but I wanted her to know she didn’t have to babysit me.
“I got called in to do a follow-up interview at Lakeview High School. This one is with their principal, Mr. Cunningham.” One of the three interviews I went on was for the position of school nurse at a nearby high school. I’d done an interview at an elementary school too but I realized I couldn’t be around that many kids so close in age to Kaiden. My stomach twisted when I saw the kindergarteners marching down the hall. I almost had a full-blown panic attack during my interview. High school kids, I could deal with much better.
On Monday, I sat with the assistant principal and the principal’s secretary, Rosie for an interview. They seemed to love me but they held out on my status until they talked to Mr. Cunningham. He’d make the final decision and he emailed me asking if I had time for a quick follow up interview.
“Oh my god! That’s great, Lumi! That’s the job you really wanted, right?” Her voice was so light and bubbly. Every time she spoke little pops of carbonation burst against my cheeks.
“Yup. That’s the one. Hopefully, all goes well and I’ll have a job by the end of the evening.”
“Hopefully? With your nursing experience, you’re honestly over-qualified.” I heard the frown in her voice. She was right. I’d been a nurse for fifteen years. Ten of those years I spent working in the emergency room. Now, I wouldn’t set foot in an ER unless my own life was on the line.
“I’m not after money,” I told her honestly. I was financially stable. I wasn’t rich but I was doing well for myself. I didn’t need to check chase. “I want to help people but I can’t do the ER anymore. I can’t handle the fast pace.”
Or the memories.
My mind queued up reels of the tragic night Kaiden was rushed to the ER with a gunshot wound. His babysitter, Cecily, called me frantic. I couldn’t even understand what she was saying between her hysterical sobs. Those sobs let me know something was gravely wrong. In fact, the wrongness of it all struck me so suddenly that I couldn’t breathe.
I remembered being at work, taking a fifteen-minute break and not being able to breathe through the entire fifteen minutes because of Cecily’s voice on the other end. I’ll never forget her words.
“Mrs. Foster! Kaiden…he’s been shot! It doesn’t look good…” Her voice had broken down into tears and unintelligible words. I only remembered hearing that my son had been shot.
Five minutes hadn’t passed before I was on the floor waiting for the ambulance to roll my baby into triage. I was outside when I heard the sirens. I saw them unload the stretcher and rush him in.
All the doctors and nurses tried to pull me away. They knew it was my son lying there. They knew he was only five. They knew I refused to be separated from him and after a few seconds of struggle, everyone grabbing my arms and holding me back let go.
I broke free and ran to Kaiden’s side. His little body was limp and slick with blood. I remembered not putting on latex gloves because I wanted to feel the warmth of his blood. I wanted him to remain with me as long as possible. At least if I had his blood etched into my fingerprints and beneath my nails, I’d carry him longer. I just needed moretime.
The doctor on call looked at me with sadness and regret in his eyes as he called for the time of death. It was a technicality. We all knew it. It’s why the air was so stiff and silent.
The paramedic had already said there were no vitals. They couldn’t pronounce a patient dead though. Only a doctor could do that. Kaiden had to come to the nearest hospital to be pronounced dead.
My hospital.
