Page 88 of Bear
My chest was hot and my skin prickled with blinding hot anger. The moment Dad looked away, I shut my eyes because all I saw was red inching in on my vision. I imagined slamming his fucking head through the wall and crushing his ribs beneath my foot while I shoved a gun in his mouth.
“You’re mighty quiet over there, Bear. You don’t actually have feelings for that little girl, do you? Because that would mean you were turning into Hawk and catching feelings for a bitch. You know we don’t do that. It makes you weak. Makes you start thinking crazy shit. It takes you off your fucking game.” He took a step toward me and thumped my left temple with his fingers. My nostrils flared in response.
Savage Bear was rattling the cage again.
“Did I say I had feelings for her?” I snarled and moved away from his hand before the savage in me broke free. I didn’t want his hands anywhere near me. “She’s something to do right now. I don’t even know how to have feelings for a bitch.” I had to switch off the part of me that had been watered by Cecily. The part that didn’t call women bitches anymore. The part that learned empathy and love. I had to be what Dad expected to see and he didn’t expect to see a reformed Bear who saw life through new eyes.
He wanted to look in the mirror.
“Mmm,” Dad grunted. “When we spoke on the phone you sounded possessive over her. You gave me the impression she was special.”
“I get a little possessive over my pussy. You have to excuse me.”
Dad let out a deep, rough laugh and slapped my shoulder. “It’s cool. We all do it from time to time. Hey, I’ll let you in on a secret I’ve never mentioned to you before.” He sat on the bed and it groaned under his bulk. His eyes met mine and he smirked. “I used to fuck Lane.” Pride shone through in his eyes but I saw a glimmer of lost love too. He quickly buried it behind an avalanche of arrogance.
I made my eyes wide with surprise as I let out a short, dry laugh. “Luanne’s friend?” I quizzed, rubbing a hand over the bottom half of my face.
“Yeah, man.” He looked down at his hands as if he were reliving old memories and I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine, no matter how much it turned my fucking stomach. I was ruthless.
“I can see why. She’s bad as fuck for an older woman. I might have to test her out.” I flashed him the same wolfish grin he used when he was circling Cecily like she was a piece of meat.
It was the first time I’d visibly shaken him. I knew it was for so many reasons too.
“What? Nah. That’s fucked up, Bear. Not Lane.”
“Why not?” I frowned. “She’s always liked me. Besides, I’m your son. Shit, she should bend over for me just because.” I fought the urge to curl my top lip in disgust. It was a struggle but I managed to get the words out with the same easy tone I always used.
Dad pushed to his feet and glared at me like a wild animal. Like Lane still belonged to him. “No, Bear. Leave her alone. I’d rather you fucked Luanne if you wanted an older piece of pussy. Shit. If I see you sniffing around her I’m going to put a bullet in you. I’m serious, goddammit.”
Just tell me she’s my fucking mother, coward.
The thought blared loudly in my mind.
“Okay, shit. I’m sorry. Evidently, I’m not the one who has pent up feelings. You are.” With that, I left the room and I knew he was pissed. I knew he was more than pissed. If I’d stayed in that room with him, I had no doubt in my mind he would have swung on me and tried to knock my head off.
I hurried downstairs once I heard the shower starting and found all three of my girls in the kitchen talking in low voices. They stopped and looked at me when I walked in.
“He’s in the shower. Look, we have to establish some things. I know we’re all a little shaken because he came home early but the plan remains the same. Make him comfortable. Don’t let on to anything being amiss and keep Cecily the fuck away from him.
Everything will go down at the party tomorrow as planned. Nothing has changed about that. I have people I trust coming over today, including Kareema. Luanne, make Dad his favorite sandwich with the chips and pickle on the side and have that shit waiting for him when he gets out of the shower. I’m going to go through his bag to see what kind of shit he has on him.”
Everyone nodded at me. Lane stood to her feet and said, “I already went through his bag. He has a knife on him. No pistol.”
I eyed her with a slight smile and nodded. “Good job, Lane. Thank you.” I noticed Luanne staring out of the window and I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose. “Luanne, I need you to focus, okay? Make Dad’s sandwich.”
“When she’s stressed, her symptoms can worsen. That’s what her doctor said,” Cecily told me. I nodded and rubbed my chin. “Lane, if you could shadow her to make sure she stays on track, that would be a huge help.”
“It would. Just steer clear of him. I ruffled his feathers upstairs before he got in the shower.”
Luanne finally moved into action and began making the sandwich while I talked to Lane and Cecily. Having them both beside me made me feel strong. Stronger than I normally felt.
I realized quickly that letting people into my heart wasn’t a hindrance like I’d thought in the past. It was actually a way to further fortify the strength I already had. Being between Cecily and Lane gave me a deeper purpose. I had people that I loved and that I wanted to protect. It colored my life in spots that had only been gray before.
“I may have told Dad that I thought you were hot for an older woman and I was going to try and shoot my shot later.” I cringed relaying the message to Lane. Her face scrunched up with confusion.
“Shoot your shot?” She asked, tilting her head to the side.
“He told Mr. Griffon that he was going to try to talk to you. He was going to try to um…”
