Page 50 of Bear
True, a drug deal wasn’t murder but it was intense enough to scare away people with weak hearts. Cecily had a heart made of fucking steel though. Ever since she was six, she looked me in the eye after gruesome murders, violent fights and drug deals and she still gave me those pretty dimpled smiles.
I pulled out my cigar case, snipped the tip and lit one. Pulling in the thick smoke calmed my nerves. It wasn’t until the first inhale that I realized I was nervous.
Me.
The realization forced me to sit upright with a stiff spine and lowered brows. My mind hurled me back to the shipyard when I pulled up beside Ace’s truck. Memories of handing Cecily a bulletproof vest flooded me. I recalled the way my heart raced against my ribs at the thought of anything happening to her.
I shot to my feet and crossed the study, stopping at the mirror near the door. I looked into my own eyes and blinked at what stared back at me.
Fear.
I was scared to lose Cecily. I shut my eyes and hung my head, relief flooding my veins, pushing my heartbeats out faster and shakier.
Finally.
Something worth being afraid to lose.
It made perfect sense that it would be her. It had always been her. If I reached back far enough in my mind, I’d find evidence of Cecily occupying my heart. She was the only thing that lit it up. She was flashes of lightning against the blackest sky.
My chest squeezed as I let the newfound fear trickle through me. I never wanted to lose her. I’d cut off every other woman I knew if it meant I could have her forever. I only needed her. If anyone could tame the darkest angel it would be her.
I’d kneel at her altar with a stained and unworthy soul if she’d save me over and over. If she’d keep loving me the way she always had. I didn’t know what I had to do to be a better man for her but I’d do it. No questions asked.
Losing her was my only fear and I welcomed it because I saw it as a challenge. It was a challenge for someone like me to hold on to someone like her. Nothing was impossible though and we were drawn to each other. I refused to entertain any other option after today.
It didn’t take much and I wasn’t hard-headed when it came to destiny.
When the air in the study shifted and grew warmer, I knew Cecily was back in the house. It seemed I had the moon in my bones and she had the ocean beneath her skin. I would always pull her to me no matter how much I wanted to push her away.
I looked up and saw the most beautiful pair of eyes. She held a crystal glass between her pointer finger and thumb and I remembered the cognac from earlier. She swirled it around and smiled at me. “I think I need that drink now,” she said. Her voice was cashmere against my bruised and jagged soul.
“How is Kareema?” I asked.
“She’s good. In and out of sleep and texting some guy she knows damn well she shouldn’t be texting. So…” She held up a phone that I assumed was Kareema’s. “I took her phone. Friends don’t let friends dumb text.”
“I thought it was drunk text,” I quizzed.
“Same thing.” She knocked back the cognac in the glass then set it down on the desk. “Were you in here looking at yourself in the mirror? Bear, I know you’re fine as fuck but you don’t have to stare at yourself.” She smirked at me and I found her dimples with my finger.
“I noticed something tonight,” I told her, moving stray strands of raven hair from her face.
“That you’re really nasty when we have sex?” She bit her bottom lip and tugged me out of the study with her fingers tucked between mine.
Now that I knew I loved her, everything she did was fucking amazing. Every touch and smile was brand new. She gave me a new pair of eyes and I wanted to stare at her all day and night.
“I told you I don’t play when it comes to sex. That’s not what I’m talking about though. I was scared tonight, Cecily.” She paused in her steps and looked at me. Her brows knitted together and she waited for me to continue.
“You? Bear, nothing in the world scares you. Nothing.”
“I know. I found something that does though.” I put my hand on the small of her back and pulled her soft cinnamon body against mine.
“What’s that?” She asked quietly.
“Losing you.” I think my admission shocked her because we walked up the steps to the bedroom in silence. The only noises were the shuffling of our feet on the hardwood. I realized that in the short time since she’d been home, Cecily’s Fruity Pebble scent had entangled itself in the walls of my bedroom and in the fibers of my sheets. The woman had the same effect on my house as she did on me.
When she sat on my bed I knew I wanted it to be her bed too. I wanted my house to be her house. Like it was when we were younger. “Please don’t let this be one of those times where you show a hint of emotion then pull away so you can bury it under the stone and rock you keep stockpiled inside of you.”
I sat down and held her dainty hand in mine. I stared at the fine lines etched into her palm and wondered if I looked at them long enough would I see the tale of our future spelled out in threads of time. I dragged my fingers down the middle of her hand and shook my head.
