Page 5 of Bear
She had to be.
I’d do anything to keep Cecily pure and kind. She was the only nice person left in the whole fucking world.
BEAR
Present…
I cut the cap off my Cuban cigar then lit it with my gold bear zippo lighter. I slid the thick cigar under my nose and shut my eyes while I inhaled the earthy aroma. Jazz floated through the air caressing the walls and mahogany ceilings.
I was in heaven. The heaven I constructed for myself not the shit they tell you about when you’re a kid. Real heaven. The kind that existed in the present. I was surrounded by the best things in life and it produced a calm inside of me that was unmatched. I hummed a few notes of jazz while I lit the cigar and took my first long pull.
“Bear, man…please let me talk to you.” The deep trembling voice came from the corner of the study. I ignored it. It didn’t fit in with my idea of heaven.
I walked to my desk and hit a series of buttons that pushed open a drawer with a soft beep. I took out the gold-plated pistol tucked away inside and grabbed the polishing cloth. I’d need it after I fired. “Bear, please!” More rumblings from the terrified voice in the corner. I shook my head and loaded the gun while I smoked my cigar. The study was enveloped in clouds of gray smoke. I liked the hazy look. Made me feel like I was walking out of a dream. It was a nightmare for the motherfucker in the corner, tied to the chair though.
Montez had been stealing shit from my shipments for weeks. I pretended I didn’t know. I looked the other way until my soldiers came to me with the information and proof. I was a levelheaded guy. I was willing to listen to Montez before killing him but since he didn’t come clean, I wasn’t listening to a fucking word he had to say.
I should have never had to hear from my soldiers that he was stealing. Every man that worked for me knew if they stole, I would find out. I had a way of being everywhere all at once. Whenever I wasn’t lurking around every corner imaginable, I had eyes and ears that reported back to me.
I leaned over and pressed a button on the circular speaker on my desk. “Luanne, I need that plastic tarp.” She was supposed to have the tarp stapled to the wall already but I guess it slipped her mind. She walked into the study with a roll of thick clear plastic tucked under her arm. She smiled warmly at me and touched the side of my face with all the tenderness I wish I had from my own mother.
“Bear, you look so much like Griffon. My boy.” I rubbed the back of her hand then kissed her knuckles. I looked at the fine lines etched into her deep brown skin and remembered a time when her skin was smooth as mine. Luanne still insisted on cleaning and cooking and setting up for moments like this. I offered to keep paying her if she decided to retire but she wouldn’t hear of it. Before my father went to jail, he told Luanne to stick by my side until her body wouldn’t allow it anymore. She listened to him more than she listened to God. I never understood it.
“You think I look like that old man?” I chuckled.
“You do. Always have been his twin. That’s why he picked you to take over the family business.”
“Dad picked me to take over the business because he killed Hawk and Wolf was too stupid to make decisions.”
“Maybe…but I like to think it’s because you’re sharp like your daddy. Just as handsome too.” I had no idea how Luanne still managed to tape the plastic tarp perfectly after twenty years. She knew the trajectory of the splatter and matter. She knew when someone looked like a bleeder. She knew how long blood could set before it would stain and seep under the floorboards too. She was worth her fucking weight in gold.
“Please ma’am, you gotta talk to him.”
Luanne looked at him then smiled softly and rubbed the back of his hand. Her lips began to move fervently and I knew she was reciting last rites. “God, grant this soul entry into your kingdom,” she said while placing her other hand on his forehead. When she was done, her weathered thumb swiped down between his eyes and then horizontally making a cross.
“Bitch, I don’t need you to pray over me!” He snapped. His brows crashed together and he struggled against the ropes restraining him until the tough material cut into his skin leaving angry red welts.
“Montez, Montez, Montez. You know Luanne is like my mother right? So essentially you just called my mother a bitch.” I clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth and shook my head at him while I blew a plume of smoke in his face. I knelt down to his level and I mapped out the terror in his eyes. I never got tired of watching men who were granted the gift of fear.
The last time I felt true fear was when Hawk got killed. Shit, even before then I wasn’t afraid of much. I looked at fear as a marvel. I wanted to possess it but it kept eluding me. I did crazy shit like skydiving and bungee jumping but I still felt no fear. I chased it like a mythical creature.
To have fear also meant you had love. It meant you loved life so much you didn’t want to lose it. It meant you loved the people in your life and didn’t want to lose them either.
I didn’t have any of that.
I wasn’t afraid to die because I didn’t love anything or anyone. The closest I came to loving someone was loving Luanne like a mother. Even with her, I kept a certain amount of distance between us because I didn’t know how to let anyone in. I was fucked in the head though. I was Griffon’s son.
“I didn’t mean to snap on her. I’m scared. I don’t wanna die, man. Please let me make it up to you.” Tears mixed with snot and streamed down Montez’s chin. I blinked at him and blew out another stream of smoke that made his eyes water even more.
“You know that’s not how I operate. You stole from me. You showed me I couldn’t trust you. You didn’t even have the balls to come to me and tell me what you’d done. You tried to hide it until you got sloppy enough for the other soldiers to notice it too. Why should I let you live when I’d just end up killing you later on down the line? Makes more sense to get it out of the way now.” I stood, rested my cigar on a crystal ashtray then took off my suit jacket and hung it on the back of my leather chair.
I motioned for Luanne to leave the room and she hurried out. She hated the actual killing part. She turned squeamish at the sight of someone getting their brains blown out but she’d clean up the aftermath. Go figure.
The moment I heard her footsteps upstairs, I attached the suppressor to the barrel of my gun and fired a single shot to Montez’s head. Right between the eyes in the middle of the cross Luanne so lovingly traced on his skin. My ears still rang from gunshots whenever they rang out but I was used to it. I shrugged it off and turned up the volume on the speakers to offset it.
I sat across from Montez’s dead body and scrolled through my contacts to see which of my soldiers I wanted to call for cleanup. I called a few of them that reported Montez in the first place. I wanted them to see the consequences of theft and I wanted them to know that I followed through.
While I waited for them to arrive, I called my father to let him know what happened. I always touched bases with him whenever I had to kill a soldier or make any other major move. It was still his operation. I was just in charge while he was inside.
