Page 42 of Bear
My heart filled my mouth until love poured out of me like milk and honey.
I loved Bear.
I loved him in a way I hadn’t realized until it was so all-consuming that he was everywhere I turned. He was weaved into my skin and hair. He was tangled into my soul and I’d never be able to undo him from me. Not after what we shared.
I wondered how long it would take him to realize he made love to me. It was a first for both of us. The guy who took my virginity was nothing more than a stand-in. Someone to help show me what fucking could feel like. Bear showed me what itwas. He showed me how pain could feel good and how it could scare me enough to speed up my heart but excite me enough to leave my thighs slick. It was a whirlwind of sensations and emotions that held me hostage. It was nothing like my first time.
I slid from under Bear’s heavy arm and took a shower to be alone with my thoughts. There was no turning back now. I couldn’t write this off as a mistake or something I did while I was hurting. I was emotionally stable and sober as fuck.
When I shut the shower off after twenty minutes of soaking in the fact that I loved someone who had to be taught to love me back, tears stung my eyes. I refused to let them fall though. I got myself into this web of confusion now I had to be a big girl and figure it out. It might take a while with everything else I had on my plate but I’d take the journey. Either I’d end up with the true love of my life or I’d end up with the sour realization that I’d look for him in every other man I’d meet.
When I first showed up at home, Bear was who he’d always been to me. He was stored in the safe part of my heart where I kept family. Now he was free, roaming wherever he pleased. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly when it happened. Maybe it was when I first saw him push open the door to the guest room Mom and I stayed in at Mr. Griffon’s house. He was so tall and his skin was dark like the most beautiful starless night. I thought I was dreaming when I saw him. Someone that looked like him couldn’t be real. Those eyes couldn’t be real. He reminded me of a prince from one of my fairytale books. Not the human princes though. Bear always reminded me of Beast. Gruff and controlling but with a heart of gold that he couldn’t see because of a curse.
I stared at Bear, still sleeping and smiled. He made my heart fly. His blue button-down shirt was tossed to the side and I picked it up holding the collar to my nose. I needed his scent against my skin because evidently, having his seed soaking into me wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough when it came to him. I’d been deprived all my life and I was playing catch up. I slid my arms into the sleeves and closed up the small white buttons. It hung off my shoulder and skimmed the space above my knees.
I stood beside him and leaned over, placing my lips against his ear. “Bear, wake up.” I knew he had things to do. As much as I loved watching him sleep like a rock for the first time ever, he’d appreciate me waking him. Instead of opening his eyes, he turned over and pulled the blankets around his shoulders. I laughed with my hand over my mouth and left him alone. Not before I swiped his phone from the nightstand though. If Bear was going to sleep he needed toreallysleep. I didn’t want the phone waking him up.
I sat in the study quietly and let the thick energy of the room curl around me. Nobody had to tell me Bear killed people in there. My mother was an excellent cleanup woman so there wasn’t a speck of blood anywhere to be found but energy didn’t lie. I wondered what the men did to earn his wrath. I wondered if Bear shot people without blinking.
I pulled in a breath and moved away from the tempting dark edge of my thoughts. Since when did I want to know the inner workings of Bear’s murders? I shook my head and took out my phone. I needed to talk to Kareema. I was so grateful to hear her voice after the first few rings.
“How’s it going?” She asked.
“Um…I need to see you. I don’t wanna tell you this shit over the phone. There’s a lot to talk about. Can you get away from classes?”
“Bitch. You’re in New Orleans and you expect me to drop everything and drive my ass over there so you can talk to me when we’re on the phone right now?”
“I know. I’m sorry, Kareema. I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have asked you to drop everything to drive over here.” I toyed with the ends of my hair and pulled my knees up to my chest. I really needed to see my best friend but if she was busy, I had to understand even if I didn’t like it.
I pressed my ear to the phone and listened to the familiar ding of her car on the other end. “Kareema?”
“Cecily, shut up. You know I’m on the way. If my girl needs me I’m there. I’ll see you in an hour or so. You better have a ton of juicy shit to tell me.”
“I do,” I laughed. I ended the call already feeling lighter knowing I’d see my best friend soon. When I sat my phone down, the illuminated screen from Bear’s phone caught my eye. I picked it up and saw a message from someone with only a peach and water splash emoji for a name. I held his phone up and it unlocked once it recognized my face.
Evidently, Bear kept all his nameless, faceless girls saved under the same two emojis. I had no idea who the girl was or what she looked like but she damn sure knew how to send graphic texts to someone that didn’t even have her saved with a name in their phone. When I checked his contacts, there were dozens of peach and water splash emojis saved.
Well…
Fuck that shit.
My fingers itched to delete every single one of them Especially after the way Bear made love to me and disassembled my logic so that the only thing left of me were orgasms and butterflies.
No.
Fuck those other bitches. They didn’t deserve to touch him again. I wasn’t a crazy girlfriend or anything close to it. Hell, I wasn’t even Bear’s girlfriend but the longer I sat there and thought about him rotating random bitches after the moments we’d shared in the past few days, the more I didn’t mind being a little crazy.
So I blocked one of the girls and it felt so good. It made my fingertips and palms tingle with the knowledge that I was doing something Bear was probably going to curse me out for. Hopefully, he’d spank me again. I didn’t mind being punished if that’s what all my punishments would be like.
I blocked five more girls and my smile widened a little. I realized that I loved Bear and I refused to play tough like I didn’t want him all to myself. Like I didn’t want the parts of him nobody else got to see. I was starved for those parts and I’d put fangs to the throat of anyone trying to stand in the way of me getting what I wanted.
I ended up blocking every peach and water splash emoji contact in Bear’s phone like a psycho. I felt quite fucking proud of myself too. Fuck those other girls.
“What’s up, baby doll?” Bear’s sleepy voice damn near made me drop his phone to the floor when he walked into the study…shirtless. I pressed my thighs together and looked up at him. His eyes dropped to his phone in my hand and his eyebrow jerked up to his hairline. “What the hell are you doing in here, Cecily?”
“Nothing.” I shrugged with a voice far too innocent for him to believe me.
“Hand it over.” He motioned to his phone and I sighed, slapping it in his palm. “You’re wearing my shirt, trying to look innocent but instead, managing to look sexy while holding my phone.” He folded his arms and his pectoral muscles flexed beneath his flawless skin. “Let me guess, you deleted all my girls?” I tipped my head back and roared with laughter at the accuracy.
